Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

As difficult as it is you have to put you foot down now for everyone's sake, because this level of expectation and entitlement only gets worse if you don't stop it early. Do you have friends and family that can be with you to help explain to him he needs to respectfully find another living arrangement for him and his son.

You were told on your last thread that this was going to happen.

Please take the advice given this time round.

He needs to move out tomorrow. Not your problem where a homeless unemployed man goes. Don't write him an eviction notice as he wasn't your tenant or lodger. He has taken the pee hugely here and utterly disrespected your lovely new home and your good natur. Sad that the little boy is caught up in his shenanigans but I suspect all part of the emotional blackmail.

It's not your problem where they both go tonight, off they pop 👋

I would grit my teeth until the morning (keep out of their way as much as possible) and then first thing I'd tell him he had to go. He should be at the council offices at 9 am. Is all his stuff at yours?

Once he's gone, then I'd contact the NSPCC and tell them about this child not being returned home and having nowhere to live.

I'm really shocked you say you love this man - you really need to work on your boundaries and standards because he's an awful mess.

Unfortunately this isn’t true OP. You can’t just have whoever you want live with you in a private rental. The property was leased to you only. The landlord may not have accepted children for example. You need to obtain their consent to move additional people into the property or you could be in breach of your contract.

Of course you don't love his son, you barely know him.

He sounds abusive OP, screaming at you in YOUR home.
Loser.
He thinks he can bully you into this.

Call 101 and have this loser removed and his son returned to his mother.

You have years of nothing but grief ahead of you if you accept this.

You’ve got yourself a proper cocklodger there OP! Don’t you think it’s a bit coincidental how his housing ‘fell through’ as soon as you got yourself a new home. Hmmmm…
I think whilst he’s off flouncing I’d put the latch on, go and pack his stuff up and leave it outside the door. He can go to a hotel with his son and you get your home back.

In other news… I think some posters forget that having a relationship is not always with a view to it being forever. Sometimes you know it’s not forever but choose to stay because of x y or z. So it’s fine for OP to say she doesn’t want her boyfriend’s son living with her! Or even staying there overnight to be honest!

EXACTLY!! Thankyou x

No one love bombs like a man with no home.
Not sure how long you’ve been together but is this how you see your life?
Neither the man or his child are your responsibility. He is a leech. Remove him before you lose everything you’ve worked for, V unlikely to have been a flat, with no job or money, it was to get his foot in the door, to soften you up for living there.
I would consider calling police to ask advice as he’s being abusive, is refusing to return his autistic son and is potentially putting your dog at risk, Be very careful though, have you got a male friend or family member who could be with you?

Thinking about it, he is probably assuming that his son is a ticket to a local authority flat.

OP is in denial, the relationship is over, there is no coming back from this. This protohominid cocklodger planned this all along, he doesnt want a relationship he wants a slave to exploit.

When you say stormed out do you mean from the room or the house? If they've both gone out I'd bolt the door tbh. The relationship would be over for me because of his assumptions.

@Feelinglost10
what are you doing sat in your bedroom avoiding the situation???

it’s YOUR home that you have bought yourself ffs

go downstairs and tell him calmly but firmly you did not sign up for neither him nor his child living with you.

he needs to take his child back to his mother as he’s homeless and has no job so no means to keep his child and you are NOT prepared to step in either financially or house wise.

tell him it’s best he leaves in the morning or even now with said child.

id throw this one back in op I really would.

They can both leave right now and stay in a premier inn.

I am sorry @Feelinglost10 but this man is not a keeper, he's a cocklodger. His sense of entitlement with little regard to to you is just despicable.

HE IS SHOWING YOU WHO HE IS. Believe him and get rid.

This. Just kick him out and never see him again @Feelinglost10

Does your partner work? How did he 'lose' his last home?

Break up with him , ask him to leave. His housing is not your issue !!! Plus his son’s autism may mean he meets a priority need with the local authority , so he may get housed (if he’s the primary career for his autistic son). Throw this one back OP! Enjoy YOUR life !

Excuse me, he doesn't work.

You do realize he is using you, he never had a place to go and if he did he probably couldn't afford it.

STOP being walked all over RIGHT NOW. THIS will be your life from now on if you let it.

He'll tell you that he'd getting another place short term etc etc. Trust me, he'll be there this time next year if you don't stop this NOW. Does he get child benefit? I wonder why he brought his child to stay with you. Contact the police, that child should be at school! Where the fuck is that child's mother?

Oh my God he is BOLD. Utterly shameless.

Honestly why in the world are you putting up with this.

Chuck him out now.

There is no EXACTLY about it! The answer is still the same regardless @Feelinglost10 GET RID OF HIM!!

If you kick him out he can go to the council and say he's homeless. He has a child who is with him now so they will give him temporary housing until he gets his own council place. Or he could get a private rented place and get benefits if he's not working. But it's not on you to just give him your home because he has decided it works for him.

Isn't he the same guy who had form for randomly keeping his son out of school and not parenting him at all? He's very irresponsible and needs to step up for his kid.

I have a feeling she will take him back, make him promise to change his ways and be back to square one in no time at all. I’ve had my fair share of shit relationships so I know the drill!

She hasn’t become a step parent. She’s got this boyfriend, who she doesn’t even live with, they are really only dating. He has a son. She’s ‘dad’s girlfriend’.

If they’d planned to move in together, the scenario you paint may be more likely and should be discussed before moving in as part of the decision.

All that is a long way from boyfriend being permitted to stay for a couple of days/weeks while he sorts his housing, and lo and behold moves himself and his son in with no discussion. To a house they have no right to be in.