Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

OP, you’ve mentioned in your previous threads that the council was prioritising your housing situation because of a domestic violence situation.

Is that from your current or previous partner? If that was a previous partner, you’ve simply gone from one abusive relationship straight into another. Surely you can see that?

It’s the same one. She has posted before under another name about this absolute cretin of a human being who is her boyfriend.

I dare you to start a thread in AIBU then you'll know what it's like to be jumped on. It will feel so much more personal. The op is unfortunately in a troubled place. You didn't know that no harm done, none of your posts were offensive. You did mention she should not be in the relationship. You've said nothing wrong. I just wanted to highlight the severity of the situation.

Its the same man.
I will get flamed no doubt for saying it, but if I was one of the people who bent over backwards to prioritise getting her her house so she was safe from him, I would be beyond pissed off that she then opened the door and let him in to the new place. What kind of disrespect for others is that? Not to mention that someone else who needs a home will have been shifted down the list.

If you stay with this man, then his child does become part of your life and you would have to deal with him and cope with living with a very difficult child, especially if he's about to move in with his dad. I think now is the time to ask yourself if you can do this. I couldn't. Weekend visits from time to time would be my limit, which wouldn't be enough in a full-time relationship. You don't sound as if you are feeling able to be a step-parent to this child. No criticism of you intended. It's important to know your limits and causes less hurt in the long run to be up-front about this.

Haven’t read the full 33 pages, but I think the general consensus is that you aren’t being unreasonable.

Your boyfriend is a cheeky bastard! He homeless so you have said he can stay with you temporarily until he finds his own place. He has no right to decide that his son (regardless of whether he is autistic or not) can not go home to his mother, not attend school, and live in your home, when he is a guest himself.

I personally would kick him out and never speak to him again,

However, depending on whether you want to do that or not, I would be saying to him, that you agreed to let HIM and him only stay temporarily while he found a place to live and that did not include any children, so he can either send his son back to his mother and school until he has his own place to live, or they can both leave within the next 48 hours.

My friend is currently in this situation although she’s so puppy eyed over this guy she can’t see what’s happening, he has two kids that he can’t support (living with mum) and was living in his parents spare bedroom when they met. She finally sold the house that she had with her ex after a very long battle, and moved in with her 2 children. Her kids wanted to share a room so she was deciding what to do with the spare box room. Before she’d even finished unpacking he’d moved in and both of his kids are now there 50% of the time, taken over the spare room. He’s really landed on his feet and is a complete and utter waste of space! He has no interest in even speaking to any of her friends (literally go into the house and he can’t even bring himself to say hello), he’s just living a lovely little life in a new build, at the expense of my friend who cooks, cleans and ferries his kids around everywhere whilst paying for everything!

I truly hope you have taken the advice on board op,
Hope you find peace,
Hope your dog recovers ,
I don't think you'll be back here any time soon as this thread is filling up now, do still read all advice please and take care of yourself op

Is this prince amongst men the reason you got priority banding for social housing?
It all just sounds really messy and, in the midst of all this chaos is a young, vulnerable child who is being dragged from pillar to post by his feckless parents.

hey op, this sounds a very difficult situation you find yourself in.

do you want to be with him given what happened and the liberties hes taken. Hes shown you no consideration and trampled all over you.

he doesn't have a job currently - is he actively looking?

he doesnt have a place to stay currently a is he actively looking?

how can the mum of the child just allow him to take the boy? What has his school been told/surely social services will be following up as a safeguarding / not at school flag?

when youre at work is the dad cleaning up/cooking/parenting?

is he looking into benefits? He will have to put an address down which will be yours- what if your landlord finds out and is not happy?

deep down do you really want to continue this?
if the child will stay with him, perhaps making him homeless will be in his best interests in securing permanent housing for him and his son. He needs to get to the local council tomorrow if so

So much going on here but the breathtaking entitlement of this man

1. decides it’s ok to keep his kid and move him in
2. threatens to move back into his exes house if OP doesn’t comply
3. without asking OP or the Ex whether either of those is ok

Some men are just entitled assholes.

Yes, the dog and the kid are the ones deserving of some sympoathy. Women who shack up with useless men who don't work but produce children with needs they are totally incapable of responding to are not worth wasting time over.

The man is a useless fuck. What about the woman who luurves him and enables his fuckery? She just needs to call social services on the kid's behalf if she has half a braincell. He is not in school and has injuries from neglect.

WOW!. she took someone like this back and is ranting about his 6 year old son as if that's the actual problem?

Ignore this post! I stand corrected - it seems it is the same man who beat her, causing her to miscarry. Very worried for OP.

[Pretty sure from joining the dots that OP was referring to her previous ex there. She has said in this new thread that her current home is a fresh start from the old abusive ex. This new fella has moved to the area & had his own place. It seems it's not the same man. Not that it makes the current situation much better, as unfortunately if I'm right it indicates OP has a pattern of picking abusive men.

Usually in such cases there's a background of abuse &/or neglect during childhood by parents/caregivers. As an adult, the subconscious is still hoping to turn the situation around & get approval & love from someone who can't give it. Abusive partners become the proxy replacement of the original abuser.

This is the reason those who were abused as children repeatedly choose abusive partners. Even if it's not obvious to the conscious mind, the subconscious readily picks up on familiar characteristics the potential partner has in common with the original abuser (including during the 'charming' phase, which is often what is displayed at the outset).

This is a short & not very thorough (nor particularly good!) explanation that is covered in detail by the book 'Women Who Love Too Much' - recommended reading for anyone who has found themselves in this situation with more than one partner. I've read it because: Me too.]

It's the same chap who beat her to a pulp....crazy!

It’s the same guy…. A previous post she mentioned the autistic son, mother with 8 children ect. He even said the same thing last time ‘I’ll just go live with my ex’

she was given this exact advice last time and clearly has not been able to take it. Therefore needs advice on how to break the cycle with the same partner. It’s hard not to judge but you must be so broken to think a man who beats you until you miscarry loves you. My heart goes out to her.

It happens, some people on here like to target an individual on a thread, its there problem not yours, I've just read the posts you haven't said anything wrong. Ignore them 😊

The latest bits of information about OP and the abusive fucktard she so loves are even more disturbing. Why are pps voting her NBU? She is clearly a selfish idiot who condones harm to children, the unborn ones and the poor neglected ones running wild. Her posts show her a terrifying shift of antipathy to the boy rather than the abusive BF.

Ppl voted before they knew the full story.

Thank you Karma Kameelion. Yes I saw OP's dire situation had been confirmed in the post directly above mine, spotted just after I hit send after editing in the first paragraph. But I wasn't very clear & should have just deleted the original text completely instead of bracketing it. Did realise that post edit but I'd already burnt through my single edit opportunity & there's no delete button. I'm sorry for the confusion & my noob editing errors.

Definitely not judging OP. I just feel terribly sad for her & hope she's ok.

No, many know the full story and still are fluffing up her victim status because that is something we as women have a terrible tendency to do. I actually voted as the majority but changed my vote on finding out the full horror of her case. She is a deeply disturbed adult who has a death wish. Like a heroin addict she needs her fix of abusive love. I could careless. That poor child has no chance with such blighted adults around.

He is the same partner she mentions it on one of her posts

Absolutely this 🙌

Initially, I felt really sorry for you OP but your updates are so aggressive and and you have zero intention of doing something about things rather than whine here. You come across as rather pathetic actually. Call his bluff - let him go back.

He's a grown man and a father so should be responsible for his son. Is he working, why did he have to leave his flat, why has he suddenly taken on full responsibility? Lots of questions 🤔