Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

Respectfully (and I know it’s not what you want to hear) if you get into a relationship with a father, you need to accept that this might happen.

This poor kid sounds like they’ve have a terrible time and your partner is actually stepping up - to his credit - I mean he sounds like a cocklodger as far as your situation is concerned but for the kid he’s actually doing OK. If you can’t cope with that you need to let him go.

She won't answer the question x

No i am not pregnant thankfully. This isn’t anything to do with this situation though I am trying to just focus on this not previous threads.

@Idiotoverhereshes presumed the mum will be pleased/glad of a break as she “has that many kids”

I thought she did, she suggested mum wouldn’t notice as she has so many kids?

Iv answered multiple times. I don’t know. All I know is he has said he isn’t sending him back. I said she’s got multiple kids so probably doesn’t care.

What does your IDVA say about you being pregnant by your abuser? Does she know this child has been taken from his mum and is now living with you and your abuser? Hopefully the midwife will make a safeguarding referral for both the boy and the unborn baby.

I did 😂😂. She has 8 to be precise.

Why won't you answer what's happening with the child's mother? Are you sure this isn't an excuse for your boyfriend to not have to work and to start claiming benefits/get housed?

Ah yes she did say that but then people were asking if this was actually true and she hasn't answered after that x

That's a good outcome for the child and for you, even though you seem determined not to see it.

The bottom line is that he has no resoect for you. None at all. Not for you as a oerson. Not for your house. Not for your dog.
He expects you to house him. He expects you to house his ds wo any discussion about it. And when his ds wasn’t living either him in the first place!
The fact the mother doesn’t seem to mind makes me wonder if your bf didn’t plan it in the first place.

I totally get why you dint want to kick him out. Who would do that, esp Theres a child to consider.
But at the same time, it’s not sustainable situation for you. And your bf is guilt tripping you and emotionally manipulating you (that’s what the ‘I’ll go back to live with my ex’ is about). And the huge issue is the fact none of that is conductive to a proper adult discussion where you can both take each other pov into account.

You need to talk to him.
Bit more importantly you need boundaries (in your head) of what you’re happy to accept. Like are you happy for him to stay another 2 weeks, 1 months, 6 months? With his ds (that’s by then will be at school local where you are etc…).
Otherwise, he’ll take you first granted agd will just settle in your iwn house :( and that’s clearly not a possible situation.

Ah Op there are a few posters on here with a bad case of internalised misogyny who think they being a good stepmother means allowing your house to be destroyed, your pets terrorised, to not have a minute to yourself, to do childcare, to not say anything remotely negative about your step children ever regardless of how they treat you and behave, and all the while you need to smile indulgently and love every minute. They think women especially mothers and ESPECIALLY stepmothers need to be compete martyrs basically!

part of their lives is not the same as 24/7 with no discussion.

Why did you say he has nowhere to go when he can go to his ex?

Just let him go?

You’re acting like the only thing stopping you is that he has nowhere to go, but when he says he’ll go to his ex, you go ‘What a thing to say.’

Sounds like you’re only going to get yourself out of this situation after they’ve been well and truly trashed your place.

And why have you ignored the questions about whether your partner’s parents are? I’m guessing that’s another place where you don’t want him to go.

Op already said that the mother has so many kids she probably hasn’t noticed the child’s absence, or is grateful for the break.

Which begs the question, why would op want her own family with a man who adds to another woman’s long list of children?

I’m imagining that this man is not of high morals or standards, and probably older than the op, who is being manipulated and taken advantage of. Just a guess though.

Bloodyhell. U Know more than I do. Pregnant? Thankfully my test turned out to be negative on my previous post. Hence it not once being discussed on here?

I agree with this. Why are you getting so angry with people pointing out that it would be better not date someone with children in the future? I do understand that you are shocked that you have been put in this situation, and it has all happened so quickly, but if you are involved with someone who is a parent, this can happen at any given time.
My DH died in his mid 30’s, this is just one situation where children would have to move to be resident with the other parent.
I do feel people are posting to try and help you.

Trying for a baby, then 🤷‍♀️

Pretty relevant if he's the same abuser you were trying to get away from. If he's not, then he's a new boyfriend you must have only just met.

Hmmmm, the plot thickens

he doesn’t have active parents but that isn’t my business to discuss.

Sorry I was referring to the people who were asking what was actually true or if it was just from your 'boyfriend'.
Maybe you should check with authorities or the mother before keeping her son in your house...

Having unprotected sex during ovulation = trying to get pregnant.

If I wanted to discuss that I would have mentioned it on this post. I am not pregnant.