Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

Oh piss off.

why would a father not be for me? You don’t even know me! It hasn’t got anything to do with him beyond a father. It’s to do with the fact I have never once proclaimed I am ready to become a full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child over night when he doesn’t even have a job to financially support him let alone a place of his own! Visiting is very different to being thrown into a situation you have an absolutely no idea how to handle. This doesn’t take away any love I have for the child or my partner or future plans I would have liked for us. But throwing me into a situation like this is mad!

Are you trying to get pregnant?

What is the point of this man? He’s not successful as an adult, father, or boyfriend. He doesn’t work because he lacks skills and can’t organize himself to get childcare for his child. He can’t maintain his own housing. He spinges off you. He doesn’t know how to parent his oen child. And he is destroying your home.

How low is your bar for men that he seems like a good deal? I wouldn’t take him on a bet with a yacht thrown in. Why do you hang on to this wanker as though you think he’s the last man you will ever shag?

Did you ever look into the freedom programme OP? There is an online version you can get hold of. It's very useful for identifying the kind of red flags you'll see in bad men.

Good men respect your boundaries (involve you in any decisions that impact you and respect your choices)
Good men take responsibility (not risk their job and child's education because they expect the world to bend for them)
Good men understand the word no (and don't punish you for it by threatening to get back with an ex).

This man is not a good man OP.

Please actually read my post. He doesn’t live here

Yes he does, he just hasn’t told you - his place ‘fell through’ right….

Hes ‘gone to stay with his ex…’ right

Gaslighting you there as well.

wake up - he’s telling you who he is!

You are abusing woman who are giving you the benefit of their experience and YOU are NOT listening

@Feelinglost10 op you don’t want and they have left . So what is the problem ?
keep the door closed and tell
him
you will be his g.f wheh he sorts himself out but you don’t want the responsibility of him Or his son.
The emotional blackmail you need to harden too . I’d honestly end it a sit won’t get better .
Do some therapy before anymore relationships .

You do know what to do. Pack their bags and tell them to leave tonight. The child can go back to his mother and your ex can go fuck himself

The very first question i posted was how did he lose his first accommodation? Did he not pay the rent? And how dis the second accommodation fall thru?

Op.

Can you see that you’re arguing against yourself?

You posed a very serious problem at the start of the thread, which overwhelmingly we all agree is a huge problem and deeply unfair on you. We are on your side.

But you’ve started to fight for him now. As I said before (with kindness) you are your own worst enemy.

OP are you currently pregnant or trying to get pregnant?

You say this is a temporary arrangement and he’s not living with you, but you posted just over a week ago to ask about a pregnancy test and stated that you’ve been having sex while ovulating?

What is really going on?

Does the child get DLA? Is his father claiming it from your address? Is that why he's stolen him from his mum?

Well, he doesn't care what you said or didn't say. He's a shitty father who has dumped his kid on you and is letting him tear up your home. He's a shitty partner trying to guilt and manipulate you to let them stay so your home will be even further damaged. This prince of partners doesn't even send his kid to school or work or watch his kid?

Don't be a chump. Send them back to the ex.

Sorry OP but the bottom line on this is that he saw you coming. You might well ‘love him’ but the bottom line is you’ve hitched your wagon to a manchild who takes no responsibility for his own self nor his child. He brings nothing other than stress to the relationship and is showing you right here and now he simply expects you to pick up the pieces or bully you into doing so.

Time to do the sensible thing, now he has shown you who he is, believe him and throw this one back!

That being said it is unreasonable of you to talk about being a step parent, but not accept that he had a child that, at some point may live with you and require some input from you. This just screams your incompatibility even more!

He's using you, you are making it easy for him to be incompetent in your dime and you were naive in the way you’ve handled this.

Step up OP and tell him to leave. This is a dead duck.

So he's the same partner who was abusive for years – you got back together?

End the relationship and chuck him out with his child. Seriously.

Im sorry but im going to say it.....
You come across like you love the drama and attention, you seem very young, no critical thinking skills, immature, haven't had any life experience and don't understand the difference between right and wrong.
If its true you've been together a matter of weeks and posting about pregnancy tests that just solidifies these thoughts.

You are asking advice from a great set of women who have learnt from life, grown, think for themselves, made hard decisions and mature.

I sound bloody harsh I know but you haven't taken anything on board, you don't see how bad this is like a normal person would.
All you keep saying is 'yes but...'.
No one understands why you are in a situation completely in your control that you are doing nothing about.

OP, I mean this in the.nicest.possible way, how will he get somewhere else to live with no job? No letting agency or reputable landlord will rent to him. I wouldn't be surprised if the one that fell through didn't exist. Im sorry but I really don't think he is planning on leaving.

You have my sympathy, this sounds a really hard situation .

Tell him to crack on, honestly just get him out.

I reckon him and his son have already gone to exes. I’m mildly impressed he’s done the right thing if that’s the case

Do you really not see that this man has moved in with you to stay? He isn't planning on moving out. He is spinning you a line. He has no job, no money, no home, and is now planning on living in your home, sponging off you for money, moving in his child, and treating you like shit for wanting to have a say in your own home and life. He is abusing both you and now your poor dog is being abused too.

Open your eyes and see what is blindingly obvious to everyone else. You need to do some serious work on yourself if you can't see what a nasty, sponging loser this man is.

Placemarking but if this hasn’t already been asked - is the mother just ok with him deciding to keep their son??

I appreciate its all been a lot to process with the sudden arrival of his son but its shown his true colours, he's a cocklodger thats expecting you to pick up all his living costs and run around after him and his son. This relationship is totally unviable. He's got no respect for you. You need to end it.

OP please tell us what you see in this man? Because for the life of me I can’t work it out. Surely you can do better?

reckon him and his son have already gone to exes. I’m mildly impressed he’s done the right thing if that’s the case

Nope just messing with OP’s head …. Making her beg him to come back.

She won’t leave until the FOG lifts and she’s left with nothing … he will have moved on to another victim, leaving OP a single mother.

Bet he tells you all the things he thinks you like to hear - bet he posts on SM and calls your Babe … just so he doesn’t mix names up

It's pointless, really, isn't it?

Despite the very obvious red flags, the OP appears to be "in lust" with this "man" and no amount of sound advice is going to make her finish the relationship with him - not yet anyway.