Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

OP am I right in thinking that you have not long met him. 4-5 weeks?!

If he was like yours I'd be happy just to get him out of my home and life. I really couldn't care where he went.

@Feelinglost10 - I honestly think this is the best thing that could happen. He's taking you for a mug and ruining your experience of what should be your lovely new home.
He needs to move out to parent his son, and sort himself out.

Serious - very serious - question OP. What did you want from this thread?

The answers you've been given were inevitable from the situation. But they're obviously not what you want. What do you want us to say?

@Feelinglost10

I say this kindly, but you are your own worst enemy.

You feel stuck…but you’re not really stuck. It’s only your inaction keeping you stuck.

You don’t want to kick out a man with nowhere to go? Despite the fact he’s screamed at you and threatened to go back to his ex.

This man is a loser. He’s a rubbish dad (not sending his son to school). He’s a rubbish partner (shouting at you, manipulating you and disrespecting your home). And he’s got no job and isn’t contributing financially.

You say you love him. I’m not sure what’s to love really. He sounds like a nightmare to me.

So op, ask yourself. Is this the life you want? Is this as good as it gets? Or do you deserve better? And then either:

1. Accept you’re going to have to tolerate this - probably for a long time
2. Ask him to leave, clean up your couch and look for someone who doesn’t threaten you with their ex

Best of luck op. I sincerely hope you realise that most people would kick him out with nowhere to go, quite happily.

No. But I'd want what was best for the child in the situation. As a bonus, breaking up would also be better for you.

Sometimes things which are painful short term, are much better for everyone long term. Most of the people posting, are trying to help and give good advice.

'His last comment to me has just been well if he can’t stay here with him he will just have to go back to his exs and stay there (the kids mum)'

emotional blackmail

does the poor woman even want him ?!!!

but it is the best suggestion so far from him or you

so how quickly can he pack !

However the more you post, the more this situation seems ' familiar '...

Under these circumstances yes
Partner is using threats of staying with ex to get his way
so call his bluff and say great go at least your son can get back to school where he needs to be - because that’s important here

I mean right now he is a freeloading, lazy cocklodger who instead of trying to tidy up, look after your sofa, have dinner ready and try and talk some sense into his son is using threats and storming off, so you do what he wants, like he does what his son wants.

So say yes that is totally the best option right now

I wondered if she had left him previously . But he’s just another abusive twat

OP I’ve just had a read of your previous thread and found the one from last week where you had taken a pregnancy test and wondered if it was positive or not?

For the love of God do not have kids with this man!

He moves himself and son into your house without asking, talks to you like shit, shouts at you and threatens to go back to live with his ex? Tell me, what exactly does this prize of a man have that thst is keeping you so scared to lose him?

Not your first relationship where you struggled with kids from a previous relationship. I know it’s not directly reflective of your current situation but please consider honestly for the future what you want.
anyhow, has that loser left your house yet?

Another reason why people shouldn't get into relationships with people with children, very rarely does the new partner understand the implications and ends up with someone like yourself. Leave fathers alone in future, they clearly aren't for you.

If he has stormed off, dont let him back in
personally I would leave all his stuff on the doorstep

Your boyfriend is a freeloading user. He thinks he's landed right on his feet with you don't he. Doesn't have a job and probably doesn't pay child support for his kid either due to not working. Now he thinks his working Mrs is gonna fund him and his child. Kick that useless twit out and tell him he can take his kid with him. If he wants to go taking his kid off his ex he can bloody well sort out his own place to live rather than assume his new Mrs will magically accommodate him

If he stormed out, has he already left you looking after the kid? After not even a full day?

No your wrong in thinking that

No he’s taken the kid out he said. God knows where

You’ve had some excellent advice OP. To add to this I would be making it clear he has to take his son back to his Mothers immediately. You aren’t making his son homeless because he has a home. You are not being unreasonable to tell him to do this, he moved him in without a single question or conversation, for that alone I’d be wondering what kind of relationship I’ve got with him going forward.
But to scream at your for being unhappy in a situation he has created is pathetic. He sounds immature and selfish.
As well as telling him his son has to go back home I would be saying that he needs to find something to rent by the end of the month (or whenever you think is fair) .

Op, he’s paid nothing towards your house or furniture, can’t work because he’s decided he’s keeping his son away from school and his home, yelling at you because you’re annoyed that your house is being trashed, and you have an extra person at your house you didn’t agree to. He’s being incredibly selfish and showing you his true colours I think, especially with his threat of moving back in with his ex (I have to say my reply would have been “ok then”) . Only you can decide if you want a relationship with someone like this but regardless he needs to be told that his behaviour is not acceptable and if he values you at all he will take his son home now and find somewhere pretty damn fast to live.
He shouldn’t be doing anything with his son until he somewhere to live, school set up etc and a responsible parent would know that.

OP I really hope you see the above advice.

The man has no job, no home, no parenting skills and no respect for you.

Why are you afraid of losing someone like that to his ex??
Something is wrong with your boundaries.

Hopefully back to his mum's.

He & the child need to present as homeless to your council tomorrow morning. They'll be given temporary accommodation.

So what if he goes back to his ex? Let him. Do you really still want a relationship with someone who’s treated you so badly and clearly has no respect for you? I don’t understand…you really still want to be with him after this? 🤦‍♀️

OP, before I jump off this thread.

You sounds like you have a really smart head on your shoulders, your own business, your own house.

You can be happy without a man sucking the life and happiness out of life.

I really hope you learn to see this is not healthy and begin to work on yourself.

Best of luck.

She clearly does 🤷‍♀️