Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

Offer to help him pack OP! You can find a better relationship than this

Good - let him. Excellent idea.

But he is banking on your good nature why do you think it’s got this far, because you have been a doormat & allowed him too. Your poor dog you aren’t even protecting him. Put your foot down kick them both out. His son & him are not your responsibility. Sure he will find somewhere to go. You allow this man to shout at you in your own home. Speak to women’s aid they might help you regarding support.

Before the baby it’ll be looking after the cf’s son, autistic 6yrs and not in school, because the op works from home.

No I didn’t. I meant HE would go and stay with his ex.

You might not have planned this but it 100% seems plausible to me that he planned this.

Because you've already indicated you're not the type of person to see a child on the streets, and he probably knows this and is taking advantage of you.

I can see it now: "well I'm already here why don't make it official and I'll move in for good" "I've been looking at schools nearby".

Kick him out.

As to where he goes, that's not your problem. You need to practice saying "it's not my fucking problem" and get rid of this cocklodger.

If he goes back to his ex he goes back to his ex because he's not your problem.

I’m absolutely protecting my dog, my dogs the most important thing in my life. To be fair my dog idolizes my partner and his son, he’s currently sulking at the door because of when he stormed out earlier and isn’t back yet. It’s more the fact I can’t keep him calm when his son is here cos he wants to play and follow them round when I’m tryna get him to rest his leg

Excellent - but from what you've said about him it's unlikely his ex would want him back. He's not the catch you think he is.

Aah, I apologize. Let him.

It’s a unanimous YANBU, OP!

dump your partner. You can do better - way better

Emotional blackmail.

Excellent, good for you and stay strong and don't let him back in.

That’s all you need to know. Let him go.
have to admit I was coming on to this post to comment something about not letting step kids down blah blah but you’ve been done over here. All the adults, including you sorry OP, in this poor kids life seem incredibly immature, he doesn’t stand a chance. Call social services now for some advice. Can someone please put this kids needs first and grow the fuck up

Ah and you would be fine your partner staying in his exs house would you? Be bloody real

I despair.

I was in exactly the same position as you a few years ago now. Except this was a fifteen year old teenager. I tried for a couple of weeks but couldn’t take it any longer. I knew there was no way I wanted to be a step mum. It broke my heart but I made the decision to end the relationship. Three months later she was happily living with her mum and seeing her Dad on a regular basis. We eventually got back together and that was twenty five years ago. To be honest I still have very little contact with her and that suits both of us. I’ve never regretted the decision.

He’s using manipulation tactics, you should call his bluff and tell him to do it then, say you’ll drive help pack up their stuff and take them there and see what he’s says then!

Let him. Please. He’s trying to manipulate you now. Horrible. This is not how a healthy relationship works.

HE IS NOT YOUR PARTNER. HE IS AN INTRUDER AND A USER AND A SHIT DAD.

@ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan

what on earth makes you think she doesn’t sound cut out to be a stepmother?? Can you explain ?

I agree with @ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan, best not to date men with children, I think far too many people go into relationships with people with kids without considering the implications of being a stepparent and it’s generally the kids that suffer. I know what you are saying but when you date someone with children, it is entirely possible, for various different reasons, that those children could end up living with you.
Just finish the relationship and ask him to leave.

I’d ask him if he needs help packing his shit.

Do not let this man take over your house!

As iv said on a previous reply my dog is not being abused, my dog the most important thing to me in the world and he absolutely worships my partner. It’s just trying to keep him calm and chilled when I have a child here is a nightmare! The dog needs to rest his leg not be bouncing around following people everywhere and wanting to play

@Feelinglost10 - you need to be firm with your boyfriend:

”Herbert - I was happy for you to stay for a while, so you could find a place, but I never agreed to your son moving in. You had no right to move him in without even the courtesy of asking me, and it cannot go on. He is trashing my house and ruining my furniture - and I’m sure you aren’t planning to replace it or fix it all. He has to go back to his mum, or you both have to find somewhere else to live. This is non-negotiable.”

You are not being unreasonable to think this situation is wrong.

you are being unreasonable to allow it to continue and to not stand up to someone who is emotionally and financially abusing you. You came for advice - the general consensus is to leave him but you seem to want some kind of advice where instead you stay together??