Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

so pack his shit and send him on his way

throw this one back OP he has zero respect for you - GET RID!!!

How's that " a thing to say"? From your pov? Sounds like the best solution for all, no?

Right, OP, long term, this is not a man capable of maintaining a healthy relationship. He’s given ZERO thought to you, he’s not considered his son’s wellbeing (what son wants isn’t necessarily good for him), his home has fallen through, he’s SCREAMED at you. You need to end it.

Short term, this man’s son needs to be taken back to his mum, and discussions had between your DP and his ex about what is best for the DS. His DS needs to go home tomorrow. No ifs, no buts.

Once his DS has gone home, he needs to leave. Stay with a mate, book a hotel, whatever, but he needs to get out of your home.

Get your home back, then figure out if you want to stay with this feckless idiot.

If they have a healthy co-parenting relationship, and the ex is happy with this arrangement, it's absolutely what he should do.

And your response should be “ok, bye then”. He’s trying to wind you up. She’s hardly likely to welcome him or have him back. Honestly, get rid of him!

This is very easy. He’s a cheeky fucker and your life will only get worse with him.

You chuck him out and end the relationship today.

Where he goes isn’t your problem.

OP I've read your other posts. It seems you are fresh out of a DV relationship. Get rid of him and allow yourself time to heal.

hes still my partner and still someone I love

He doesn't love you though does he. I wouldn't put someone I love through the shit like that. Why on earth do you love him??? You can do better, surely!!

I'm sorry to say but if you won't kick him out because you lurve him, say goodbye to your new start house, your dog (wait until your darling man says the dog is distressing his son so you'll have to get rid), all your stuff because it's been trashed, and all your money because it's clear Sir Scrounge a lot uses his son as an excuse so he won't have to get a job, and pay child support. He can just get free money from you!!

But hey, you love him. I despair!

@Feelinglost10 I can’t believe the way you are getting spoken too by Posters on here !
They should be hiding you up not reading you apart . You b.f is a cocklodger and I’d say signs of being a controling selfish arse of man.

You work hard and you deserve better .
Just because he has a kid doesn’t mean you what’s sit be mum. If you had all planned to move In together then fair enough .
Asking where your b.f is ment to go when it dons t your problem. He is a grown as a man who can make babies he will sort it out if you tell him to go and sort himself out .

Are you even in the same conversation with us?
100s of women routing for you and giving you good solid advice and you don't acknowledge or respond to any of it, your baffling.
Congratulations on your new family, wishing you a lifetime of happiness...

It may not feel like it - but that's a RESULT.

Tell him to make his way.

(At least you can see how manipulative he is!)

Edit: Sorry, I misread your post to mean that your boyfriend threatened that he would need to go back to his ex, not just the son.

Dontbeme just posted the numbered list of stages that men like this go through -
this is step seven. He is being very very predictable.
"Step seven: Convince her it's her job to fix you, not place any demands on you cos you might fall dick first into another woman again."

Dontbeme · Today 19:31

Step one: Find a vulnerable or lonely woman with poor boundaries.
Step two: Housing "emergency" and move yourself into her home.
Step three: Drag in a child/sibling/mate to live in her home too.
Step four: Oh no! I can no longer work for some vague reasons.
Step five: Have her pay for everything, pick fights and storm out to keep her on her toes so she's so confused she doesn't recognize that you're using her.
Step six: Cheat, drugs, alcohol addiction.
Step seven: Convince her it's her job to fix you, not place any demands on you cos you might fall dick first into another woman again.
Step eight: Promise to "change", now is a perfect time to have a baby! To show your true commitment to one another, but never actually commit through marriage as that's only a "piece of paper".
Step nine: Leave her and the child without a care in the world.
Step ten: Repeat step one with another interchangeable woman.

Not sure why that is a bad thing to say. Surely the child has a right to be with their mum.

What is their custody arrangement? This sounds like it could get messy if he has taken the child without permission and the mum decides to take it to court.

Honestly he needs to take the child home and sort his own shit out (getting a job and getting a home).

Fine. Not your problem. Kick them both out and be done with it. You're just a meal ticket to him.

Well sure. There is no reason why the child would ever be on the street. He has a home, and if his dad is selfish enough to put him through it rather than send it there, they can go to the council.

Yes but when you live with a partner who has a child it's always a possibility. Always. Especially if the child is disabled as it's naive to expect one parent to sacrifice a career/be a full-time carer and the other to just let the child 'visit'. Hardly fair

If that's a deal breaker ( and that's perfectly reasonable) you don't pick someone with children.

I think OP meant that the cocklodger will send the kid back to his mum. The cocklodger plans to remain sucking the life out of OP

Thankyou for this reply xx

Oh god the baby!!! God OP this is his next step. Get away!!

The father doesn’t love there he is dossing there . The father needs to sort his shit out before taking another person to put on op.
What homeless man thinks they can have their child to love with them it’s madness

you don’t understand how you have ended up in this situation? Well it’s clear you have allowed this, from what I understand. if he just made an assumption the child could stay, you therefore allow it by not stopping it and correcting the situation at the outset. Have some respect for yourself as it’s clear your partner doesn’t. He’s using you. UANBU for feeling as you do. But UABU by allowing this to continue Sorry! Please protect yourself and your space and tell him the child can’t stay longer than a couple of days this time. What a cheeky fucker not even discussing it with you before he made a choice to keep his son. He doesn’t own a place of his own where he gets to make decisions like this.

I hope he positively contributes to your life or bin him

You absolutely don’t have to accept this. You can care for your DP and his son but it doesn’t mean they have to live with you. Completely unfair on you that there was no discussion on this and that he’s screaming at you because you’ve tried to speak to him about it. That’s not how a respectful relationship works. You are entitled to make choices and don’t feel bad if your choices are not what best suit him. You are not responsible for your DP and his son. You say his place fell through but at the same time he decided to have his son stay down, that makes no sense. He also isn’t working. Surely the responsible and adult thing to do would be that he sort himself out re accommodation and then consider how he can best care for his son. Instead of doing that, he’s just foisted it on you, and it sounds like you’ve been carrying him anyway. His son needs to go back to his mum so your DP can have time to sort himself out so he can offer something consistent to his son primarily and you if you decide to continue with the relationship, although I’d question whether it is going to give you what you deserve. Best wishes x

An extremely entitled one who believes his girlfriend will pay for all of it

😱😱😱

Well that's a start op son needs to be with mum and back in school, boyfriend can make other arrangements regarding custody of son once he is housed and prove he can financial support son, thats not your concern tho, right now you need to know what the plan is moving forward with this man, what are is plans op do you really know!!,

This should be your ' light bulb ' moment op with this relationship, are you happy to financially support him right now and till when