Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

Is nobody else thinking cocklodger! Lovely you have been bamboozled and you need to tell the person you love that its not working for you, to go out and find another mug, he's taken over your life, he doesn't love you, he loves what you have got and can take advantage because you love him, little steps, you must ask him to leave and if he is abusive (and he has been) you need intervention, whether police or friends, wishing you well, hugs xx

Send him and his son to the council offices where he can present themselves as homeless.

He has cuckooed you.

Wel he's walked into a great situation new house paid for by you he's got no intention of leaving and being a single parent. Give hum a fixed deadline to leave and mean it. Has he been to the council and declared himself homeless? I hope that's not his sole motivation for keeping his son as he will be a much higher priority with a disabled child than as a single adult male

We’re all thinking it!

Why doesn't he work or contribute financially, has he applied for benefits and emergency accommodation which he and his son will get. A young child with extra needs with 2 shit parents and no home needs to be urgently referred to children's social services and the nspcc. Don't just sit back and let this complete shitshow continue for everyone's sake, they are not your responsibility.

Is he keeping the son as way to get priority on the housing list?

I hadn't thought of that, @WandaMaximoff, but you could easily be right

Anyway at least it might help OP have the sense to get rid - as in the council won't see him on the streets if he's got a child in tow

I am concerned for the child and also for her beloved dog if these two are allowed to stay - he has already told her that "the dog's leg is going to go soon anyway" and it definitely will if he kicks it, or the son accidentally harms it by being rough. Expect "the dog upsets my son /bit me or my son when we stepped on it and caused it unbearable pain, it has to go" at any minute.

YABVVU for not womanning up and chucking him out. Stop crying in your bedroom and bin him off.

God op have some bloody self respect !! Why are you putting up with this? Tell them out in the morning and stop funding this man

you are enabling him

God, another one of these threads.

Kick them both out NOW. Get a 24hr locksmith.

Breathe a sigh of relief and get on with your life.

you tell your partner he can no longer stay and he then goes to the council for housing for him and his child, the child can go back to the mothers, he is choosing not to send him, that’s fine but what’s he doing about a school? Changing drs etc?

you need to be harsh and make him homeless and the council take over, if they will

otherwise the kid goes back to his mother, your partner finds somewhere else and never ever moves in with you!

Jeezus op, he's seen you coming a mile off. He's totally taking you for everything he can get and more.

Put him and his son out tonight. Block him on everything and move on with your life.

Good luck

Bear in mind, OP, that old maxim 'there is no man more in love than one who needs an address'.

He moves in with you temporarily and immediately tries to dictate what goes on in your home? Who on earth does he think he is?

You ask: 'I feel really bad but what am I meant to do'.

There's only one viable answer to that particular problem. Get rid. And soon - before he gets his feet any further under your table.

It’s fine everyone saying tell him to go and I’m allowing myself to be used. But WHERE can he go? He doesn’t have money. At the end of the day I’m not just going to see a child on the street I’m not that horrible and as vile as he seems to be to everyone hes still my partner and still someone I love. This situation has blindsided me as it wasn’t ANYTHING I expected to happen and still baffled it even is going on. He should be in school and with his mum and siblings, a 6 year old shouldn’t be able to just dictate he isn’t going back and that’s that. Being a step mum is nothing to do with it, I do love and care for the child and if this was prepared and planned I may feel different but coming to my new home one day then just not leaving is a whole different story

Id contact social services op. Ask him to leave and direct him to council for emergency housing for him and his child

Sorry OP, but I think everything from the move on, has been carefully planned.
You must decide whether you can accept that deceit.
Your partner wants a carer for his son. How long before he starts going out and you are left looking after him.

Please tell us the pregnancy test you took a week ago turned out being negative OP?

You are being beyond reasonable. Your bf is the a'hole & thats putting it lightly.

He didn't ask your permission to move his son in because of course you'd say no. And now he's foisted you into this situation with his son causing mayhem & wrecking your new home, without even asking "would it be ok?" he's not only refusing to hear your "no" but actually screaming at you & manipulating you. I'm incredulous at the absolute shamelessness of his appalling behaviour.

Hot on the heels of him moving in himself - a situation which he also foisted on you as an 'emergency'. All whilst not contributing a penny to your costs.

He's an abusive, sponging, manipulative, disrespectful manchild & he needs to be gone immediately. Seriously. There's nothing to resolve here. Get rid pronto. I wouldn't put up with this for one more minute. Get male back up or the police, whichever you need to feel safe & send him off to a hotel tonight. He can present himself as homeless to the council tomorrow & don't get involved in that. He's supposed to be a man so let him fix his own problems. Good luck & please keep us posted to let us know you're ok.

You're enabling him to keep his son against his mum's wishes - how do you think she feels?

Well you’ve seen that he has no respect for your space, possessions or views, understandably his child comes first however that doesn’t and shouldn’t mean that he allowed to run riot and ruin your possessions.

I would be telling him that him and his son need to Find somewhere else to live and present to the council as homeless. The council is likely to ask where he has been staying so they will contact you and will probably try to guilt you. Be clear that it was a very temporary arrangement for ONLY your partner as he had a property lined up and was due to be moving.

Ok, you better just suck it up and accept it then because this is only the beginning and it will only get worse.

If only he cared about you as much as you care about him hey?

Good luck.

Straight out of the cocklodger’s playbook … moves himself in, doesn’t pay, moves child in without consultation. Suddenly you’re providing food, lodging and cleanup services for two wondering how on earth you got here. Hasn’t even gone to the effort of charming you with it, just shouting at you. He thinks you’re a hotel with a hole

Social services need to be involved if they aren’t already. If they are already involved they need to be updated. Both parents sound neglectful.

You don’t have to put up with him or his son but I do think that you can help by reporting this very obvious neglect on a vulnerable child.

It’s fine everyone saying tell him to go and I’m allowing myself to be used. But WHERE can he go?

Not. Your. Problem.

He is an adult and a parent. He needs to "adult" and to "parent".

Step one: Find a vulnerable or lonely woman with poor boundaries.

Step two: Housing "emergency" and move yourself into her home.

Step three: Drag in a child/sibling/mate to live in her home too.

Step four: Oh no! I can no longer work for some vague reasons.

Step five: Have her pay for everything, pick fights and storm out to keep her on her toes so she's so confused she doesn't recognize that you're using her.

Step six: Cheat, drugs, alcohol addiction.

Step seven: Convince her it's her job to fix you, not place any demands on you cos you might fall dick first into another woman again.

Step eight: Promise to "change", now is a perfect time to have a baby! To show your true commitment to one another, but never actually commit through marriage as that's only a "piece of paper".

Step nine: Leave her and the child without a care in the world.

Step ten: Repeat step one with another interchangeable woman.