Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

You say he didn't plan this but I bet that slippery eel CF cocklodger has been scheming for a while. How do you know he's even looking for other accommodation?
Please find the strength and the words to get rid of this parasite.

Trust me I’m not going to allow this situation full time right now I just feel absolutely stuck and don’t know what to do

But you are allowing this situation right now.

You've had loads of good advice on this thread. Maybe take it. Why don't you "know what to do"? It's pretty clear.

Or just hide in your bedroom and let your house and possessions get trashed. Maybe get your salary paid into his account too and let your poor dog get physically (and mentally) scarred. He isn't going to magically transform into someone else is he, so this is the rest of your life.

Have some self respect and fucking sort it.

but it’s just the fact he has decided now is a good time to have his son come live with him full time when he doesn’t even have the facilities to do so?!

But he does have the facillities, doesn't he? He has yours. He's decided that he's going to live at yours with his son and you're letting him.

He'd just moved in which is exactly why he decided that now is a good time to have his son living with him.

How hard do you really think he's going to look for somewhere else while he's got you providing a roof over his and his son's heads, all bills paid?

Wake up OP. You're not being #bekind, you're being a mug. And a doormat.

A woman with her own place is manna from heaven to a man without.

Tell him.

Of course you don't love him - he isn't yours.

Tell him you aren't prepared to house his son.

Men do not like hearing women say no.

So be prepared.

Do you have a preferably male relation or friend who can be with you when you tell him?

OFFS!!

You DO know what to do - but you're not responding

Break up with him and send both of them to the council

They are homeless and it's not your problem

Stop being so passive

OP, it will do no good just telling us about the situation over and over. We heard you the first time. You aren't listening to the replies because you want it not to be happening.
He needs to leave. He needs to take that child back to the mother but that's up to him. He shouldn't be living in your house.
I am afraid he sounds like a loser. Tell him to leave.

Exactly this.

Look up cocklodger OP.

If he's stormed out and left you with the child, call the Police to say he's abandoned a child with you and you think he may have been abducted. They'll turn up with a social worker pretty sharpish.

OP, without sounding harsh, you need to tell them both to leave.

You are possibly in breach of your tenancy, your sanity is fading and your poor dog is suffering.

The man is a CL and a CF, he's not looking for somewhere else when he can stay with you.

Give him 48 hours to leave, he'll need to contact the housing dept with the local council. They'll find him some where quickly because he has a child.

It's not ideal but he needs a kick up the arse.

This is not your responsibility, you've been forced into a situation that you didn't agree too.

I know you love and want to support him, but he's massively taking the piss, disrespecting you and your home.

Don't ever move in with him!!

Well if you aren’t planning on breaking up with him, good luck because he isn’t going to suddenly realise he’s a loser.
All the people saying he needs to go to a hotel? How, he doesn’t work. He’ll be back. Hope your poor dog doesn’t have to suffer too long or too much.

You want to be in a relationship with this man? Unemployed can’t find his own place to live… if you stay with him your lovely new home will no longer be yours and you will be supporting him never mind his son.

No one can do this for you, except you.
And it's not fair on you, your dog or on that little boy for you to pretend otherwise, for any length of time.

You need to get some self-respect, realisr that this is not the behaviour of a good partner, and sort it NOW.

It’s not your job to help him!

ARRRRGH I could pull my hair out! He does not give a shit about you. Do you understand that? He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t care how you’re feeling. He doesn’t care about your dog. You have a home, that’s the only thing that is on his agenda.

The man moved his child in with no discussion, lets him damage your home, screams in your face and is cruel about your dog, and you think he’s the man of your dreams?!

He is a waste of space. I bet he’s not paying towards bills or food is he? I bet you’re paying for everything and doing everything for him, aren’t you?

YOU ARE NOT A REHABILITATION CENTRE FOR DAMAGED MEN.

He will destroy your home and your sanity and you will sit there and let him because you love him and want to help this poor little man.

Get him out of your house and then get some therapy to work out why you are accepting such a shit show of a relationship.

They both need to go
Asap

Sounds like it was planned he just didn’t tell you the plans
His plans were free accommodation, free housekeeper and free childcare

This - plus free sex and free meals of course

They say there's no man as keen as the man who has nowhere to live, but this one can't even be bothered to be civil about it so for me he'd be out

And I very much doubt the circumstances around him "losing" his last place and other possibilities "falling through" are as they've been presented - after all why should he bother while OP's picking up the pieces?

What do you mean by saying you don't know what to do?! It's totally obvious what you should do. But apparently you still haven't grasped it after 10 pages of unanimous replies. Kick hm out and end the relationship. He is a jobless, homeless, terrible father who has tricked you into housing him and his child, and he screams at you. Why haven't you dumped him already?

Where is the mum? Did he just decide to keep his son away from his mother and assume you are ok with it

OP, why are you with this man? Jobless, homeless, makes decisions that seriously affect you without even consulting you, shouts at you when you raise very legitimate and reasonable concerns. I bet my life savings he's "borrowing" money off you too, you want get any of it back by the way. You say you love him, why, what are his good points? How long have you been together? His actions aren't showing that he loves you back, the way he's treating you isn't love, he's blatantly just using you. I'll add to the almost unanimous view that you should end this relationship and kick him out, not that you'll listen.

The above spam is the most useful post on this thread!

I recognise your writing style OP. I already told you in a previous thread that you should ditch your weed smoking unemployed prince who lets his son play video games all night.

it’s just the fact he has decided now is a good time to have his son come live with him full time when he doesn’t even have the facilities to do so?!

He DOES have the facilities, because he has temporarily moved in with YOU! Do you really think it is a coincidence that he has "lost" his own property and moved in with you, then "all of a sudden" decided his son needs to come and live with him.

Come on OP, no one is this Naive!

So...you have a man who doesn't work, doesn't contribute financially to the house he lives in, is homeless, and has a badly behaved unparented 6 yr old son...who he has moved into someone's house without even discussing let alone asking if it's ok ...and now screams at you when you ask him to control his son.
I don't know where to start
Not to mention fact this man doesn't seem to care about the child's education or autism which is usually triggered by random changes ..
Autism is not an excuse for bad behaviour.

You don't know what to do because you don't want to do what you know you should...get them out.

So I will tell you ...over coming years your house will be wrecked, your finances wrecked, you self esteem in the gutter and you'll feel even more trapped.

This man has no intention of finding his own place... literally none...he has life just set up perfectly...free housing, bet he'll stop paying cm, he'll get the family allowance paid to him...and you'll be paying for food ,bills, etc...and I can see a thread in a yrs time where you ask why you work full-time and he sits around gaming ...and you do all the housework too

Did he work when you met him? maybe he gave up his job to become a full time carer for his son. Either way it is not your responsibility to house him. I also say kick him out now and call the police if he kicks off. I am also the type of person to hide all the food away in a place only I know and when he says something, you go, oh you want food? you know where the nearest Tesco is.

Your boyfriend is a useless abusive homeless unemployed shit parent OP, you can do better, come on.