Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

I would absolutely love another child but we never managed to conceive number 2 (IVF just wasn’t for us) and now I’ve accepted at age 45 that it’s not gonna happen for us. That’s not to say it won’t happen for you! It’s not just not being able to conceive, we’ve had a lot of changes to our family circumstances including the loss of my mother and my heart couldn’t really face bringing a child into the world that would never know her and she would never know them.
I think having a baby at this age, and a five year old at age 50, and looking after a teenager in my sixties would be incredibly tiring plus I’d be worried I wouldn’t be there for them as a young adult.
I also had pre eclampsia with my first so any pregnancy would be high risk. I don’t think I could take that risk now, with my age as well, when I have a wonderful ten year old to think of.
This is just my take on it. None of this means it’s wrong for you, but these are things you need to take into account.

I agree with most of this (I’m against PGT, especially at older age, agree with the rest). We also have done just one round of IVF (when I was 44) resulting in two, unsuccessful transfers.

We decided against doing anymore IVF but only because I get pregnant very easily. It has always been like this, I have two older (but still very young) DCs and it took me under three months to get pregnant in each case, I also come from fertile and long-living family, same as DH. My only problem was age, and at 45 and more this becomes a numbers’ game - you only need one strong, good egg but they are getting harder to come by.

I would definitely don’t dismiss lifestyle factors though. At 45 and over eating well, regular exercise (all types) is crucial for wellbeing, energy levels and getting through perimenopause anyway, so even if it doesn’t result in a baby, there’s nothing to lose.

TCM - traditional Chinese medicine is another thing that can improve your chances. There are many outrageously expensive programs available and I have been on one, but since I don’t have any serious problems (except age) I quickly figured out how to use the TCM herbs myself. However, in the cycle our LO was conceived we have done nothing special. In the end she came to as when she was ready and we only helped a bit by living healthy.

Wanted to quote @CKMc2b in my above ⬆️ post but something went wrong.

I am an older mum. 49, and have a 6 year old (i also have an older child). I don't notice the difference between myself and the other mums tbh. I do think you have more of a responsibility to keep yourself fit & healthy. I eat well, make sure I exercise, this has to be a priority. Probably in better shape than a lot that are 10/15 years younger. I would look at the comments & experiences of the older mums here as there does seem to be a bit of prejudice. I haven't experienced it myself.
Even with clockwork periods it can take a lot longer to get pregnant and there are higher risks. 2 years for me! I had regular scans throughout (the later ones i booked privately) and was induced early. Made sure I followed medical guidance and got myself under a great hospital. If I were you, I'd definitely go for it. Have no regrets! Good luck xx

It’s not prejudice. No matter how fit and well I may seem, my eggs inside are old. OP is already 46. 47/8 is a lot older than your early forties egg. Sad but it’s just a cold hard fact.

Go for it. If it works for you, it'd be amazing. There are an increasing number of live births to the over 50s each year in the UK.

Most with donor eggs. Women are not remaining fertile for longer, no matter how youthful and fit they look on the outside.

You were 42/43 when you conceived? I think that is quite different to starting at 47 and maybe not conceiving until 48/49. It's a lot of pressure. Sometimes it's good to just accept that the ship has passed. OR just let nature take its course and if it happens naturally so be it.

I am 46 and knackered tbh. I really don’t think I could manage sleepless nights at this point. I think this may depend a lot on you personally. I have 70 year old relatives who seem full of vim and vigour and if they had managed to have a child ( they tried when in early 40s) would of had a lovely childhood and would be enjoying regular ski holidays and the holidaying in Spain these days. I reckon they are healthier than me.

Probsbly th

I am not arguing against older parents but I wonder if they would be as full of vim and vigour if they had had a child - esp a disabled one ! I speak from experience - I had a baby at 39 who is disabled and then another at 41 who is totally fine apart from being a teenager !

I agree with this. There are studies showing that the biggest drop in female fertility occurs around 43. This is also my experience - it took us 1-2 cycles with DC1 and DC2, although I was already pushing 40, and close to 4 years with DC3. It’s not impossible but difficult.

I couldnt do it again at 35 let alone 46.
Im 38 and my baby is 22 and moved out.

What’s right for you is right for you and sod opinions! I was 38 and 42. Could have had kids with earlier partners but none measured up as a potential parenting partner before meeting my hubs.
It can be harder. Certain risks are elevated. Don’t let that stop you trying.
I might be a bit crunchy but I believe if its meant to be, it’ll happen.

I personally would not...I think you are lucky to have found love later in life so enjoy your relationship and I personally would not add children to the mix.

start trying now. Take a good pre pregnancy vitamin.

you aren’t always at risk of babies with additional needs as less babies are born to older women as younger women can have babies born that have needs. There are more pregnancies in younger women.

but be prepared for heart break in case of loss.

if you don’t try you might regret it even if you don’t have a baby.

It would be too old for me, but that’s easy for me to say as I have children. If it’s something you really want then it’s only really yours and your OH’s opinion that matters

So 46 now, 47 when baby arrives if conceive quickly.

Can a 47 year old look after a baby? Yes. Absolutely.

Does a 60 year old want to be parenting a 13 year old? Or a 65 year old want to be trying to pack up all their 18yo stuff into a car and driving them to start of uni? Probably not.

My parents had me at roughly 30, DHs parents had him at roughly 40, and we are only a couple years apart in age. We had a child in early/mid 30s and it was very very clear the difference. My mum was 60 when baby was born, his mum 69. My mum works full time, is on the floor rolling around playing, running after them, playing football etc.

DHs mum just can't keep up with them, though she desperately wants to. She can't get back up off the floor and stand up quick enough, she gets tired running around. She was really fit, used to go on walking holidays, do all sorts of sport, but I would say in the 5 preceeding years she declined a lot.

There is for many a much bigger gap between 60 and 70 than say 30-40 and 40-50 in terms of health, and you would have a teenager in that time to contend with. It will also affect your child if parents are 70 and potentially declining when they're only in their early 20s. And they would be an only child with no other family members to share the burden with.

Let fate decide. Just see if you get pregnant. You know the risks. If you are willing to accept them then just go for it.

Congratulations on finding ur soul mate! Sorry you are going through this- infertility very hard whether due to social issues (such as not having found the right partner) or medical.

I think there’s a couple of things to consider. It’s not impossible (you will always hear stories of people who have got pregnant naturally at this age), but it is VERY rare (hence you hear about them). Chance of pregnancy is only about 3%, and the miscarriage risk is over 50%. There is a growing body of evidence to suggest you may get pregnant within 10 years of menopause but you are unlikely to go on to have a live child. Average age of menopause is 52 so chance of having a baby with your own eggs is low after about 42/43. Depends how willing you are to embark on the rollercoaster of ttc with those odds. Ivf even with PGT would also have very low success rates at that age, but if open to donor eggs your chances would significantly improve.
second thing to thing about is risk of pregnancy at that age- much higher risk of complications such as pre-eclampsia, gestational diabetes, still birth etc. but again there are people this age who have normal pregnancies .

i have a friend who had a baby via donor egg/ surrogate at your age and she is a wonderful mother and can provide her daughter with everything and more. But she is also very tired (but aren’t we all!).

good luck with whatever your decide

It's only since the advent of contraception that people think choosing to be an older mum is weird. My grandmother had her last child at 52, my mum was 44 when she had me. I never thought/noticed that my mum was older than my friends' mums, but she always kept very fit and active, and had a youthful attitude. I had my third child at 37, and I was no more tired or stressed at 37 than I was at 21, when I had my first. In fact I did want to have a fourth child, but my husband became ill, and the timing was never right. If you would like a family, go for it!

Do it OP if doctors say there’s no reason not to. You will be tired but will regret not trying x

There is for many a much bigger gap between 60 and 70 than say 30-40 and 40-50 in terms of health

I knew a couple who were both fit and well, active and making the most of life at 60. Neither of them made it to 70.

@Bikergran don’t you think there is a difference between having a second or subsequent pregnancy at an older age, and having a first one at 47/48/49? I feel like if the body has done it before, it’s more likely to be possible- not really older parents, in their 30s, but I knew someone who needed IVF to conceive initially (identified fertility issues on both sides) but then had a surprise natural pregnancy very soon afterwards, resulting in a healthy baby. And I don’t think it’s ever been within the norm to have a first baby so late on in life.

I had my first baby at 47 - I met my partner late in life and had to have IVF as he had to have a vasectomy reversal first and I was 40 at that time. It took many attempts at IVF but was finally successful after 10 trys! I had a really easy pregnancy and birth. My son is 27 and the light of our lives. I have no regrets at all.
Never really had any criticism coming my way. I think it has kept us young.
Go for it - be prepared that it might take a while to get pregnant but it will be worth it!
Good luck!

Wow, what an awful thing to say.

I was 42, a good friend 47, it just happened that way, both firsts (and lasts!)

I wouldn't worry about oh i'll be an older parent etc, no one knows what the future holds and there are many grandparents out there bringing up GC of young Mums. Sadly I've known parents who've died at a young age, so as much as one may try to plan, life doesn't always turn out the way you expected it to. Xxx