Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

Sorry I think it’s too old you’re putting yourself and the baby at risk and babies are knackering which can easily cause friction between you and your partner. I’ve been there! My mum was 39 when she had me and although I was loved and well cared for I always felt a bit embarrassed as my friends all had younger parents. I feel ashamed to admit that now as an adult. I do however feel sad they didn’t get to see my kids grow up and all the milestones in between.

Firstly – massive congratulations on finding your person. That in itself is wonderful, and it’s totally natural that it’s stirred up these feelings.

You’re not being unreasonable at all to consider trying. Yes, fertility is lower at 46, and there are more risks – but it’s not impossible. Plenty of women do have healthy pregnancies in their mid-to-late 40s, especially if periods are regular and health is good. It might not be easy, and you might want to explore things like AMH testing or speak to a fertility specialist, but it’s absolutely worth looking into if it’s something you want.

As for it being “unkind” on a child – I’d say loving, stable, financially secure parents who really want them trump age every time. Kids need presence, not just youth.

If your heart is pulling you towards this, follow it with open eyes. You deserve to explore this dream – it’s not too late. 💛

Don't wait! I had my 3 in my early to mid 40's , 41, 43, 45...all totally naturally, amazingly only needed gas and air in labour. They are he light of my.lufe, people assume I'm.much younger than I am...bonus! My husband is even older than me, he already had 2 but wanted more with me

@Thebirdsang could you give us an update on what you are thinking after reading?

You are likely to get a lot of smug fertile people who met their partners young and had all their kids in their twenties on this thread. Who now thinks anyone over 35 is too old. Personally go straight to IVF and have the embryos tested or use donor rather than try naturally.

Hi..my Mum had me at 46, and although she died when I was 32 I felt blessed to have had such wonderful parents. I had my 3rd child at 43 (they say fertility is inherited somewhat) and my dd has been a breeze. Also, my bf had her 5th child at 47. Go for it. Best thing ever.

Yes don’t do it. I regret it and I wasn’t as old as 46

I had my 3rd dc at 44. I would say go for it but weigh up the pros and cons beforehand and be prepared for parent hood fully, which of course applies to having a baby at any age.

You should be well looked after by the NhS as you’d have a high risk pregnancy.

Good luck op x

I think the chances of health problems or learning disabilities would put me off simply because I found parenting soooo hard without them and I was relatively young at 31 and 34. I can’t imagine the stress of a baby with additional needs. I know 2 women who had their second babies at 42, one fine, one being tested for ADHD. If I was going for it I would consider an egg donor.

Of course it isn't too old. There was a teacher at my school who had an unplanned baby at 47!

Although I didn't give birth, I took on the care of a 1 year old at 56. She's still here at 22 and we get on with just occasional spats. I'm 78 and in very good health.

My aunts had first babies at 44 and 46 respectively. Nobody batted an eyelid in those days, apparently. Both lived to mid-nineties.

Just do it! A colleague recently had her first at 46, followed quickly by another.

I had my son at 47 and opted to go on HRT straight away to mitigate any possible menopause symptoms so I didn't suffer at all. My son is 27 now and I'm nearly 75. I seem to have more energy now than when I was younger. I also still work full time as a counsellor which I still enjoy. These days women don't often look their age anyway and other mums at the school gate thought I was younger anyway so didn't get any negative remarks. To be honest it wouldn't have taken much notice - they would be people I wouldn't want to be friends with anyway.
My son says he's not bothered about our ages and likes the fact that he gets all the love and attention!

Apparently I'm in the minority but I'd absolutely go for it and see what happens. My husband was 40 and 44 when our kids were born and nobody batted an eyelid. A lot of the judgement with regards to older parents only seems to apply to mothers.

My aunt had her 3 kids through surrogacy at 55 and 57 (twins) after 25 years of infertility treatments. They are now 10, 7 and 7 and she had bags of energy to run round with them. She reckons everyone has the energy to do it once, she's just been using hers up later!

YANBU but I'd take every test going and be prepared for your child to be ASC or have some other kind of SEN; it's quite common with older parents.

I don’t think it’s too old, however you may find it too old to have a biological child. Even if you’re still having regular periods the eggs you have left are unlikely to produce a successful pregnancy.
Honestly, if you’re really serious about achieving a pregnancy and are worried about your age, then I wouldn’t even bother trying to conceive naturally. Find a clinic that will accept someone of your age, have the relevant tests, see what they say, then perhaps look into using donor eggs.

The actual number is incredibly low. Still having regular periods is actually a red herring, as you can still have regular periods and very poor quality eggs, which at 46, is likely to be almost all of them,

It’s not about the judgment, it’s about the biological realities which are very different for men and women.

Not sure what I would do OP. I think on balance I would say don't, but I can see why you want to.

what would happen to the child if one or both of you died or became chronically ill before they reached adulthood?

what would happen to them and to you if they were born with genetic defects ?

being an older mother can feel a bit weird sometimes (had mine at 38 and 42, DS9 who I had at 38 has started to complain about me being an older parent already 😁 but I know he wouldn't want not to exist, which would have been the alternative). Many of my mom friends are 10 years younger than me.

I am now 47 and hell would freeze over before I would start again with a baby at this age, but it's easy to say that because I already have the DC.

also you would likely be 48 when they were born as it will probably take a while to conceive and then 9 months pregnancy.

I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t think it’s quite as clear-cut. While success rates are lower, women do conceive naturally or with support in their mid-40s, and regular periods can still be a relevant indicator. It’s not about assuming it’ll be easy, just recognising that it’s not impossible either. Everyone’s situation is different.

I wouldn’t personally do it, but it’s not me considering it,

Do it OP. People are free with advice and smug because they met their partners early in life. It’s just luck. I had my first DD at 40 and second at 42, both ivf. No health issues, no drama. You do you. I’m the oldest mum at the school gates but you wouldn’t know it.

Had my daughter at 42. No regrets.

Why not leave it to Mother Nature.