Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

I think it’s good to be realistic about the possibility of having a child with additional needs. It’s possibly not the greatest tragedy but it can be profoundly life altering sometimes leading to parental separation, the end of careers due to caring responsibilities, dependence on benefits not for everyone but it happens.

Statistically the odds increase as we age and I’ve read many a post from a struggling parent at the very end of their tether whose lives fell apart after due to their child’s additional needs.

I know a couple of women who had a child at older
No issues with them or children

Had mine at 38.5 and he is now 3. So will be in your boots :-) Mine is crazy active, but luckily so am I, so I can cope with him regardless. My husband though gets tired easily, funny, he is younger than me :-) You really have to be fit for having children when you're getting older. They don't understand you can not run or have back issues or so.

What a horrid thing to say. I wasn't smug, or fertile. What I was insistent on, is that I would have all my potential children by the time I was 25. I had to have fertility treatment which worked by the time I was 24, but sticking to my guns, as much as I wanted another, i didn't want to be any older.

Personally, I believe that's sensible. I think generally, any time after 30 is too old and after 40 is very, very much too old. I have too much experience with old relatives dying constantly, needing care etc, and I didn't want to put my own children through that. It's traumatic and selfish.

Sure having kids young helps with that but it doesn't guarantee anything. And against it, you may have less emotional maturity/ financial stability at that age.

my mum was 25 when she had me. DH mum and dad were 26. My dad was 45.

mum died at 54, DH dad has just died at 73, DH mum has dementia, the only one still going strong is my 92 year old dad who is sharp as a nail and has only just stopped doing his own gardening...

I had my first DD at 41 and second DD at 42. Like you, I just didn’t meet their Father in time to have them any younger. They’re sixteen and fifteen now and it’s been amazing. I think they’ve kept me younger …

I’m sorry but it is that clear cut. You only have around 1% chance of getting pregnant at all, then if you do there’s over 50% chance of miscarriage. The OP would be wasting her time actively TTC naturally.

Her parents are 46, not 96! Good grief, someone needs to give that teen's head a wobble. I’m 58, my teen is 16, and I love her friends, they are always round here.

Thi is not meant to be mean or harsh, but it’s too late. It might be (just) physically possible still but in reality you won’t be having a baby until at LEAST 47. That is just too old. You'll be at least 60 when they back me a teenager. Probably retired when they leave school.

How is 30 too old?? Many of us who needed IVF could only manage to have children older than that and I started TTC at 25. 30 is the average age most women have their first nowadays.

I can't imagine being aged 26, wanting children, but deciding against it because I had set some arbitrary cut-off in my mind that anything over 25 is too old.

Never at any point in the history of mankind has 30, far less, 25, been "too old" for children.

To clarify the 1% is per month, the chance of getting pregnant is higher - 10% (hence contraception is still needed if not TTC)

High miscarriage rate is correct

To me. I think. My personal decision and opinion.

Look I also had older parents (mid 40s) and cautioned against it based on my experience, but this post is ridiculous.

30 is young, and applying a cut off of 25 is highly unusual. Each to their own, but to call someone selfish for having a child in their late 20s or early 30s is crazy.

Yes. It’s around 10% cumulatively over a year. If the OP is serious about having a baby, then she should seek some professional help ASAP, and not just hope that she will be one of the outliers.

Well aren't you lucky you managed to find someone young and then have fertility treatment quickly. I had to wait three years of TTC before I was even given any help. You are entitled to an opinion but I am entitled to say it is wrong. 😂

I kind of think if your egg quality and reserves are poor, your body is already telling you you’re too old.

I am a ‘what’s meant to be will be’ kind of person, so if all other boxes are ticked (financially stable/set up etc.), I’d go off birth control and see what happens…

Go for it! x

I had my dd at 42...Yes we are older parents but have never been treated any different by parents or teachers at the schools she went too. She has kept us young , having all her friends around to our house, chatting with them, getting to know them very well. We, my dh and l feel we are so more knowledgeable about life etc and have been able to pass this on to her. She is off to university this September, we will miss her so, so, much,at the same time excited for her, this is the best time of her life and we want her to enjoy every second. You should do what you want to do. You are in charge of you, no -one else is....in this world there are to many people dictating what we should and shouldn't do. Your life, no one else's, you should go for it. I hope it works out , l really do

Out of curiosity when we were TTC I looked up historical fertility rates at our equivalent of ONS. Before the onset of the Industrial Revolution, consistently more children were born to women aged 45 and more than to teenage girls. Of course those were more likely to be 10th than 1st children but still interesting. This trend started disappearing in the early twentieth century.

Also, threads like this are always surprising in a way. How can you have less energy at late 40s and 50s? All my friends and colleagues (my generation) are running marathons, doing orienteering, dog trekking, climbing, bouldering, training for Vasaloppet… In my martial arts club I am one of the youngest, most of the colleagues are in their late 60s and the sensei is pushing 80 (in my son’s dojo the sensei is pushing 90 btw). We had our first child way over 30 and we spent every holiday since DC was born hiking in various mountains around Europe. We’ve done interrailing with under 2s and if anything, it’s much harder now to spend holidays with DCs because they complain. We had to start doing geocaching to keep them interested!

Of course this is a self-selected sample because I share my free time with people who enjoy similar things as me, but honestly, if you have no energy at mid-life, it is very likely self-inflicted.

Please don’t listen to all the people saying you’re too old. You’re not. Life looks different for everyone. Absolutely go for it while there’s still a chance. Good luck!

Yes, this. I started ttc at 29, tried for 18 months before going to the GP, then had to wait for referral to gynae outpatients for the basic ovulation tests, lap & dye to check my tubes, then nine months on chlomid, then referral to the fertility clinic proper where we were told wasn’t available on the NHS (this was early 90s), so by the time we reached the private IVF clinic I was nearly 34. After several goes at IVF I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure at 39.

Sorry you had to go through that as well. What was annoying was they changed the criteria to two years a year later after we started clomid. 🤬 I just knew we had to have IVF to concieve so very frustrating.

Yes, it is too old. It's not fair for the child. My friend had a child at 44 and she is always resentful for having older parents who may not see their grandchildren. Also, my friend found it very hard to cope with the sleepless nights, the demands of babyhood, a toddler, and confessed to me she'd never go for that again at that age. She was very much in love with a younger partner as well, and having a child broke them.
Also, you'd probably need egg donation. Own eggs are very, very rarely viable at 46, even when periods are regular.