AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

Urgh. No, no and thrice no!

This approach is why men get away with behaving like this.

What a bell end. I love how he’s run home to tell on you to mummy. @Guttyyyyyyyyy was mean to me wahhhhh.

she must know what he’s like?!

They sometimes walk together but she is very nervous about walking their dog by herself.

She thinks the sun shines out of his arse. 🙄

This is why I hate ‘#be kind’. Fuck off.

He is a twat and the wife is even more of a twat for messaging you.

There's your answer. Gets right up his nose that other women walk the dog, so he has to demean/belittle them, passing it off as friendly banter. Which it isn't.

Nobody would believe the amount of disgusting sexism that women with large breed dogs put up with on a daily basis from inadequate men. I used to grin and bear it but now I'm old I tell it like it is.

Glad you put him in his place 😄

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Doubt the interactions have been 'all fine'. It's pretty obvious to me when people are brushing something off & they're not comfortable. Equally could have been avoided if jokey man had not misread reactions and social cues for 2 years.

It’s always the worst people in the world who say it, too.

Good on ya! He sounds like a patronising bore.

I don’t necessarily think he’s sent her to fight battles, he’s probably vented to her and she took it upon herself to get involved.

I do however think OP was right to tell him to wind his neck in, there’s only so much belittling someone can take before they snap. I applaud a two year restraint, I would have flipped the lid a lot earlier.

I don't blame you but it might have been easier to just say, "Good morning/evening", and move on. I'm surprised you know him well enough for his wife to have your details, frankly!

I do understand how his remarks are annoying, they would annoy me but I wondered, is this an elderly man who does not remember details but wants to be pleasant?

In future, just ignore him - and fgs don't get into whatsapp with random dog walkers, never mind their spouses!

Well done op, sounds like he's needed a wake up call after 2 years of boorish behaviour. The fact he's ran off to complain about it to his mum wife tells you everything you need to know!

Deserved, well done, OP.

yep, this.

What fresh hell is a dog walkers-and their partners-WhatsApp group? 😬
I can't bear the cliques that gather at the same time every day and make a point of having over 20 different places (mainly desserted) that I walk my own dogs.
Appreciate this is not always possible due to time/transport/prefence.
Anyway, well done OP 👏

OP has been ignoring him for 2 years - clearly this doesn’t work

He's probably told his wife he just made a little joke (no mention of the two years he's been making the same one) and that you overreacted. She might have no real idea of what really happened. No excuse for her attacking you though - even if you had done exactly that she needs to let him fight his own battles.

It's also no excuse, but some men (is he over 50?) have a sense of humour based on making others feel uncomfortable. I find it deeply unfunny, but they seem to have learnt it at school and carry it into adult life. 'Just joking dear', sort of thing. He needs to learn to wind his neck in.

Good! That needed pointing out!

"Yes, palliative care is a hard job so we need people to be kind to us."

I’d reply.

Be kind??? Brian has made the same ‘joke’ about me being lazy for TWO YEARS Jenny! TWO YEARS. I didn’t laugh the first time. After the 127th time of him talking about my lie-ins I admit I snapped after being exhausted from sitting with a lovely woman all night while she died. Tell him just to smile and say ‘good morning’ and I’ll say it back. Pushing the same unfunny line was getting tedious.

But if we don’t educate them properly then how will they change?

I’m not a perfect human who has never upset someone in their life, and I am sure I will upset dozens more before I die. But at no point is any harm ever meant, so someone explaining to me that they were upset gives me the opportunity to apologise and alter the behaviour that they found offensive.

If someone I upset had reacted in the way the OP did, I would be much less likely to want to set the situation right. And if I had reacted in the way the op did then I would understand that someone wouldn’t want to approach the issue with me until I apologised.

i just don’t want to believe that ALL men are awful, because I know from experience that they are not, but some are oblivious to their stupidity

OP, I commend your restraint.
But I don't believe it was a menopause response after two years.

A proportionate menopausal response would have been to tell him to STFU and not speak to you again and to confirm it in writing to his wife on the WhatsApp😁

I loathe PA pass remarkable remarks from people, who have zero imagination and think they have some God given right to remark on stuff that has nothing to do with them.

Years ago my husband who worked long hours would take both our boys to their swimming lessons on a Saturday morning.
His ONE outing a week with them!

This acquaintance that attended who was a PITA with her remarks in general, made a few digs at me about how incredible he was to do it and I should consider myself so lucky to have my Saturday mornings to myself.
Likewise she hadn't a clue what was going on in my life and who I was supporting.

I turned one morning after zero sleep and asked "Do me a favour Sarah and mind your own bloody business"🤨 and walked away.

The following morning her flying monkey siddled up to me saying she was "very hurt".
I sent her off with a flea in her ear too.
That was the beginning of peri for me and my patience with irritating people going straight out the window.

15 years later it has never returned.😁

She did tell him politely over and over again.