AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

It might be due to twatty man, or may also be due to other twatty dog walkers who they come into contact with.

well that isn’t what the op said so I’m inclined to believe her version that the person left before of the bullying of this man

@Thesecondcoff

I’ve read the OP’s posts again. No one has asked this man to leave the dog walking group at all. Certainly not years ago.

You’re seething anger at the phrase “suggested he leave” is just very very odd. We all know what it means. It isn’t a request or optional. It’s being kicked out, but with polite wording. It’s just a turn of phrase and you need to calm down. The guy left a gardening group after being asked to. Now he has left this group after people started speaking about his behaviour openly.

Just calm down.

I just can’t imagine that all these people knowing how appalling he was (as evident so many were aware) and yet he remained in the WhatsApp chat and was allowed to continue unfettered for year until…. Yesterday.

It doesn’t sound like anyone discussed it before. He seems to have only directed racist comments at one person (the ladyboy comments about that person’s friend) and that person stopped going rather than tell anyone about it.
Then OP’s friend pointed out that he only makes these comments to OP and never to him or his husband despite them alternating, so maybe he is the only other one who really noticed? Until this incident became OP spoke firmly back to him so that would draw attention. I’m not convinced people in the group had really paid any attention to his behaviour before as they’ll all be having their own individuality chats within the group.

But there is no walking group arrangement? Just because you have a few of the people on WhatsApp doesn’t mean they’re a formal meet up group. Or at least OPs post doesn’t suggest that. Didn’t realise that walking your dog at the same time as someone else each day means you’re part of an official ‘group’. I’m hoping the other dog walkers who I bump into regularly on my morning walk don’t think I’m a member of a dog walking troupe…..

All on same what’s app group?

@Thesecondcoff
Oh, I understand what you’ve done. The OP mentioned that he was kicked out of a community gardening group for this behaviour, and you’ve misunderstood and thought he was asked to leave the dog walking gang but ignored that and kept going.

He’s never been asked to stop dog walking with them all. He was kicked out of a gardening group (and the OP used a polite phrase to describe that) and you’ve gotten really wound up about it.

Take a breath and let that go. This is the first time it seems that his behaviour has been noticed group wide and then discussed by the group, and he has now left. So it’s all sorted. Sadly the woman who he made racist jokes to didn’t come forward with it when that happened, but not everyone wants to complain about someone. He’s been found out now though.

Maybe he was doing it carefully, so the individuals who were targeted didn’t realise they weren’t the only ones he was doing it to, @Thesecondcoff - and it’s only now that one person has spoken out, they are all realising it was part of a pattern.

You can’t just kick someone off a dog walk. If someone told me I’m not welcome to walk my dog at 10 in a morning at the beach, I’d laugh in their face! Honestly I didn’t think walking your dog could result in so much drama. I got my dog to get myself exercised and outdoors, seeing it as relaxing and chilled. Didn’t realise there was all this Jeremy Kyle drama going on for something as mundane as going out for a walk with dog in tow.

You can, however remove them from the WhatsApp group (irrelevant in this case, as he’s removed himself), and make it clear he isn’t welcome to join the group walking their dogs together, @Livelovebehappy.

Absolutely remove from the WhatsApp group, but OP suggests that they all just usually meet up at the same time daily on the beach for a dog run around kind of activity, rather than an actual walk. If the guy turns up with his dog at the beach, he can hardly be demanded to leave. People can ignore him, but can’t dictate who can or can’t be at the beach at the same time as they are on any particular day. Anyway, leaving this thread. Can’t believe I’m getting so invested in this….

I’m not saying they can tell him to leave, @Livelovebehappy - but they can make it clear he isn’t welcome in their group on the beach. He can walk his dog on his own.

Immediately other members of the group, actually the OP’s good male friend, jumped in and said he was aware of AF only doing this to women. So he’s heard, and done squat all! Just riding the wave of OP’s strength of character to confront him.

Yup

nothing would make that point more clear than removing him from the WhatsApp group. However… Never happened

There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning.

they “meet” every morning
they’re part of a WhatsApp group

Point is… they didn’t remove him did they?

did you read all the exchanges amongst this group yesterday… people jumping in with their views on him, people “liking” comments….

if I was a dog walker in this group, I’d have muted notifications about 10 mins in. And probably found myself a different group to meet going forward. Who wants that kind of messaging drama in their lives!

Do not reply to his wife, no response IS a response. You were absolutely not unreasonable. Two years of snide comments and you finally told him the truth – he’s just not used to being held accountable. People like that dish it out but can’t take it when someone calmly outlines reality.

You didn’t shout or insult him – you told him what your days actually involve. If that made him feel awkward, maybe it’s time he stopped making assumptions about people’s lives.

I’d ignore the WhatsApp. If anything, his wife should be embarrassed he kept on with the lazy jibes for two years. You don’t owe them anything – carry on walking your dog with your head high.

Eww what a loser. Can just imagine him running back to his wife “Waah waah, mummy, the nasty woman shouted at me” 😂

I agree, poor her!! Hopefully this makes the penny start to drop that he is the arsehole, not everyone else…

But they don’t have to worry now do they, because the Nasty Fucker has left and his flying monkey (wife) will either leave or keep quiet now.

Thank you for reacting like this OP. You did the right thing.

i bet he is an ex policeman male dominated worker

Why ? She’s dealt with his misogynistic shit as politely as she could for two years, explaining that the reason she’s not on all the dog walks is because she works. But he kept on and on, doubling down on his little ‘joke’. Sometimes ‘both barrels’ is the only thing some people understand.

No, you seem to have misunderstood.

It was a community gardening club that he was asked to leave years ago and he did.
The majority of us only found out about this today.

He can walk on the beach but he may find himself unwelcome to join the group.