AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

You aren't being unreasonable to shut down his passive aggressive nastiness.
You are being unreasonable if you were aggressive about it in response. Being annoyed (rightly, imo) doesn't justify a "both barrels" reply.

If you ever see him again and he says anything, just reply "I won't comment on that in case you go crying to your wife again".

But she isn’t at home. FFS, can you not read? She’s at her very stressful and worthwhile job in PALLIATIVE CARE. Are you part of the #bekind brigade @Livelovebehappy? Annoying Fucker was hardly being kind was he?

They are being crass, it’s because they don’t have anything else to say. It doesn’t matter what your job is or how hard you work it’s just their feeble attempt at making conversation.They are too thick (or don’t care) whether they are offending anyone.
I’ve know someone for years who always asks me where my suntan is when I come home from holiday,(I’m very pale skinned) I’ve learned to bat it back with “oh I knew there was something I needed to pack in my suitcase”. I get so sick of it! it’s their attempt to make the conversation all about them.
The same person asked me if my brother was “well cooked with bacon and sausages” when he was recently cremated!

The way you dismiss a woman’s anger at being called lazy for two years as ‘menopausal rage’ tells us everything we need to know about you.

Are you a man?

I think I'd have had to say "well well well if it isnt the consequences of your own actions"

He sounds utterly appalling.

I am looking forward to hearing if he has turned up today. From what you have said, others in the group think he is a prat, including your husband.

Feel sorry for his wife, I do. How awful to have a husband who makes inappropriate, embarrassing remarks to acquaintances.

Ignore the man from now on, freeze him out and put it behind you.

OP certainly knew about his misogyny, because she was aware she was being challenged and called lazy where men like her husband were not. She has told him she works, and he chooses to ignore that.

In any event, on what basis can it possibly be OK to keep saying someone is lazy without any foundation? And how can that be the target's fault?

Even after two years of politely trying to put him right and being ignored?

He deserved it.
The group will be happier without him.
Mumsnet is plagued by teenagers who think it is fun to write rubbish.

I might have posted a comment along the lines of wouldnt it be great if everyone was kind and didnt repeatedly make unfunny remarks - but only to women."

Back from dog walk and a coffee afterwards. No sign of Annoying Fucker.
However 2 other people say she contacted them after I replied to her as her H wasn't entirely honest with her. Told her that all he had said was hello and I screamed and shouted at him. Other witnesses confirmed that firstly he had made his lazy comment twice first time I replied with " No AF I work Sundays, I tell you most weeks ." so 2 mins later he said it again. And secondly that I didnt raise my voice at all, one described my tone as akin to a primary school teacher.
Also found out that it was suggested he leave a community gardening group a few years ago due to a bullying incident ( against a woman)
He took early retirement, is early 60's.
So thats that. I feel sorry for his wife though. .

@Fantailsflitting is spot on

Sorry, she as in his wife.

Met my AF this morning. He was moving something out of the way, asked if I was coming out (tbh,if I see him I usually wait inside,(dogs are walked elsewhere thanks) he asked if I was coming out, I said I had to go to the pharmacy,sort out an issue,he told me that he never has any problems with them and it must be my fault. Pretty sure after 40 plus years nursing I actually know what I am doing!

With every update from the OP this man sounds worse & worse. Now we can add lying to his wife to the list of his social crimes. And previous form for this kind of thing.
I hope your dog walking group is now a much happier place OP.

Stands to reason he was going to lie about it.

I’d be very surprised if he keeps away, usually his type have rhino skin.

I wonder if his wife will apologise to you for not checking before confronting you.

The contortionist bendings people will go to to get a pop on at the OP on here are actually pretty impressive!

Glad you didn’t have to deal with him again op! People like this are always cowardly and play the victim too. And judging from other people’s comments he has form for this. A really pleasant individual.

If his wife is on Mumsnet; I hope she is ok.

Can’t believe the number of people who try and make you feel bad for putting him in his place. The problem with people like this is that they are so insensitive, they don’t respond to normal firm but polite responses. That’s the point! So all guns blazing is sometimes the only way, and I say that as someone who tries to be polite and give the benefit of the doubt.

And being a palliative care nurse op, a profession that takes endless diplomacy, understanding and patience, I don’t know why certain posters are doubting your people skills!

Are you not familiar with the situation, usually in a work or volunteering setting, where one person is causing a nuisance and no one says anything? And they all put up with this person’s behaviour grudgingly because they don’t want to be the one that sticks their head above the parapet?

It’s a fairly common group dynamic.

But then it goes on even longer and maybe the poor behaviour escalates, and then one person suddenly has had enough and protests forcefully, and as soon as that happens, several more people find their courage and join in.

So lying scum.

That racist mark should be past round the group so people know exactly what he's like.

He needs to be made completely unwelcome if he tries to rejoin.

He has form and by lying to his wife knew bloody well he was offensive.

How you tolerated that for two years is shocking of itself.

Men like that need to be told "STFU and stay away from me/us".

My lovely gentle friend said a version of this to a man that kept spouting off to her and her friend, racist bullshit about foreigners when they were out walking the dog.

She also contacted local policing who were most helpful.
She saw him being spoken to and he now gives them a wide berth.
Retired foghorn out walking looking for someone to listen to his offensive views.

Men like this get worse as they age.

Just tell her that his relentless comments to you over the years day in day out have upset you, yet you’ve been expected to grin and bear it despite politely telling him that it was not the case. How many more years were you expected to put up with this? This says more about him than it does about you.

Sounds about right. Bet he was telling his wife that you were a mad woman, shouting at him for no reason. He will no play the victim and tell anyone unfortunate enough to listen to him that he was bullied out of the group by a woman. Expect he would refer to you as a Karen but not sure if that's more of a younger male misogynist slur.

That deserves the "No, you be kind," response. Or similar.
Don't let them get away with the passive-aggressive fuckery.

Well done @Guttyyyyyyyyy

I see this as a small but an important stand against the patriarchy which AF has lived and benefitted from his whole life.

An honorable high five to the gay man who also pointed out AF's CFery. A good example of being a good ally.

I bet his wife is used to having to smooth things over because he is so rude.