AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

[Guttyyyyyyyyy]

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

Sorry you had to put up with that Nannyfannybanny

I had similar comments in a different scenario.

The thing that really makes me livid is the sheer entitlement of these blokes who think they have the right to make assumptions and judge women’s lives and then express those judgements out loud to her face.

And the comments are far from harmless; they are misogynistic and intended to undermine women’s credibility and professionalism, because according to them, in their own warped little minds, no woman could possibly have a carer as important as a man’s.

Do you think he knows that he was "set right" for 2 years though?

I'd bet none of that even registered with him.

That was my point - for men who can't communicate in anything other than 'Male banter' styles, they don't register serious 'replies'.. let alone how few men understand subtle looks and responses, and have no idea when someone is annoyed at them. They respond to - banter back, or aggression/overt emotions.

I'd be willing to bet if you asked this man at any point before yesterday "have you been annoying that woman" he would be blindsided and confused, and think that they have a friendly laugh every time they see each other.

None of that excuses him, but just explains the disconnect between his reaction to her getting annoyed, and her perception of the situation.

I’m part of a dog walking group
if this kind of thing was playing out on the group chat, I’d probably have muted it at the start so I’d be rocking up with no idea of all the drama.
I love fact my dog walking group is… just that. Company whilst walking the dog, chew the fat about holidays, weather, plans for the day… then leave and don’t think about them again until the next walk two days later. Bliss!

Can’t believe how many apologists are on this thread defending the racist misogynist. Shame he flounced out of the group before he could be kicked out.

Hope you have a lovely dog walk this morning OP and hopefully no comments to endure as he won’t be there (or he might be, but he’ll have brought wifey as a shield!).

I reckon you’ll be the hero of the group and most people will have something to say about how irritating they found him too.

Then you can all move on and just enjoy your dogs enjoying their walk.

And no one has had it out with him before when he’s been voicing these views?

This racist would have been asked to leave the group I walk with years ago

Well this dog walking group itself seem to have allowed a racist misogynist bully to operate within their group for years (and I bet he’s a homophobic too)

Yes, that's worrying. Why are the others tolerating him?

I disagree. I think he knows perfectly well what he's doing. He just feels entitled to do it.

For two years OP tried to shut him down quietly and politely. That she had to lose her cool to get him to stop is on him, not OP. Same goes for offering an olive branch. Nothing disproportionate in her reaction, which was brought about by his failure to acknowledge what she was actually telling him, and doubling down on the ‘joke’. So l agree, he isn’t part of the problem. He is the problem.

I used to bump into a dick like this and his overly indulged fat spaniel on my walks.
His only way of engaging in conversation was to make jibs and “jokes” which only he thought were funny.

My guess is he is mid/ late 60s, wears socks with his sandals and has a hat on the parcel shelf of his car 😂
He’s a twat and didn’t like being called out

Well done OP 💪🏻

Of course you were trying to make OP the villain. You actually said that she wasn't the decent person that people were making her out to be. You have consistently minimised this man's behavour towards OP which has been going on for two years even after it has come to light that he was also directing racist comments at another dog walker. You even used this new information to blame OP for not speaking to him about it when she has only just found this out.

He doesn't sound like the sort of man any decent person would defend but you keep doubling down.

This. It reeks of entitlement and the refusal to see women as equals.

He was directing his racist remarks at one woman who then left the walking group and who has only just told OP about what he was saying to her. She obviously contacted OP in solidarity having experienced similar (and even worse) remarks from this man.

no doubt there are other women enduring this nonsense from him within the group…
And others must have heard over the years..
and yet he has been allowed to continue walking with the group. and no one appears to have a said a bloomin word to him. A racist misogynistic bully, who’s been allowed to carry on unfettered for years. Weird

Sounds like he's thrown his toys out of the pram for being called out on his behaviour!
Plus side if he's left the WhatsApp group and is having a proper foot stomp about it then you won't have to see him as he probably won't come.

I'm baffled by some of the comments on here your not responsible for someone else's behaviour and everyone has a point they reach before they can't ignore shitty behaviour any longer.

I can just imagine the entitled sort of knob who thinks his bants are hilarious and has no self awareness that not only is he tedious, repetitive and a complete dick, but that it's absolutely not acceptable to be a racist, misogynistic pick. Honestly angry for you. Well done.

Hopefully he'll stay at home with his poor bruised ego.

Oh so now his awful behaviour is everyone else’s fault? … 🤔

He totally deserved your wrath, @Guttyyyyyyyyy. You put up with his constant idiotic and provocative comments for two years. You must have the patience of a saint, hun - and what an amazing job you do. I am in awe. x

No

but I can’t imagine having a racist misogynist bully within my walking group for years and he’s been allowed to continue unfettered without anyone saying anything

I agree OP. He deserves to be told to shut it but clearly thought it was fine (it wasn’t) for two years. Letting him have it ‘with both barrels’ wasn’t necessary but clearly a culmination of two years worth of crappy comments.

He probably thought it was fine as it had been going on two years and you never said anything. It’s a good example of address things when they happen and not put up with them for two years and then let rip.

But if you follow that argument through logically and I don’t agree with the premise tbh but for the sake of argument ; yet again it’s women who have to make efforts to fit in with how men communicate and adapt and not vice versa?

Men aren’t even able to meet women half way?

Women are responsible for facilitating his inability to listen?

Op is at fault for not communicating in a style that this know-it-all can understand?

If he is genuinely bewildered then it’s because he hasn’t been listening for two years and that’s probably because he has already made sexist assumptions and knows in his own misogynistic tiny mind that he is right. And that comes from a base prejudice that women aren’t worth listening to in the first place!

People like this that just jump in and haven’t an inkling of what ‘a going on in people’s lives. And the broken record thing - what a bore. He deserved both those barrels ! Sexist pig can bore off. You do a job that really matters at a time when people need support the most.

Just waiting patiently for the obligatory dog pic now that OP has sorted Mr Snark.

This.