To say it’s stressful havivg a beautiful daughter?

[TheBlueUniform]

That’s it really. The attention they will draw and the fact they’ll have to grow up faster than they perhaps would. Men (including those that think that they have a right to chat up 16 year olds) will try it on and it makes me feel sick. DD is only 16 (though will be 17 in 4 months) but i already see men in their late 20’s:30’s leering at her and I get so mad and want to shout ‘she’s a child you creepy pervs’ but I don’t think anyone would care or react.

She isn’t a young child but she equally isn’t an adult yet and all the weirdos and creeps about make me feel so uneasy.

How do handle it if you’re in the same situation? I want to punch them all 😂

My niece get this from builders. My brother told her that she needed a good comeback. She said she has several that work very effectively!

Agree with you, the only thing I think you can do is help her with things to say that get the message home of not being interested in sleazy men when they try it on.

Your example is why I don't think there is such a thing as 'pretty privilege'.

Yes, yes it still is.

As I said, what would your reaction be if "other dad's and occasionally unknown men" said that about your 12 year old daughter?

Double standards are rife on these posts.

Yes it is victim blaming. Would you also tell a baby to cover up or an elderly women to cover her ankles? Because both are raped by men.

I have been in this situation too. My kids are mixed race and (though I say it myself, lol) very good looking. I had a real issue with men and women leering at them - skanky old cougars eyeing up DS when he was a teenager and men shamelessly ogling DD when she was well underage.

I had one moment of revenge when DD was 12. We were in a train together and a man sitting opposite blatantly stared at her, looking her up and down. She was innocently unaware. Then I said something to her and she smiled, revealing a mouthful of train tracks! I looked over at leery man and the expression on his face was priceless 🤣

You know absolutely nothing about this situation. You’re a tedious bore wanting to throw in your job.
You truly need a life if you think that would be made up.

This is a problem that cannot be solved by encouraging girls/women to feel victimised. Men will always look at women. There will always be some men with no self-awareness who don't detect when that is not welcome. We can all work to develop a society where men have greater sensitivity - although I think normal young men are very sensitive to that already (I have sons in their twenties) and it's the problem men who aren't being reached with that message, the problem men who will always exist because they are immune to the messaging. The only way to deal with "looks" and "leering" is to teach resilience. The worst thing you can do is claim vulnerability and because that's not teaching them anything useful. They should know that those types are generally to be pitied and outcast from society, not feared.

There absolutely is such a thing as pretty privilege, but that's a different issue.

I could have written that. Exactly the same with me and my sister. I've never to my knowledge been leered at and I'm guessing it's a) because I'm flat cheated and b) just fairly plain. It was different for my sister who I remember being reduced to tears when she was 17 by a bunch of builders.

So what is your relationship with the child then? Don’t be shy. You’ve just told her whole story on a public forum. So do tell us.

You tried to fit what limited information I shared first your tedious troll hunting narrative. You said about the child being removed etc when I at no point said that.

you feel free to think it’s fake, I’ll feel free to think you need some drama of your Monday morning.

Not her whole story. Nothing outing. You work in safe guarding, you surely know it’s not a rare situation one child is abused my frequently when around abusers.
I won’t be replying anymore.
You can believe what you like.

In terms of men staring, I’m not sure her beauty makes a huge difference. I’m only average looking but remember my Mum commenting on men looking at me from about the age of 12 or 13 or so (I was oblivious). As soon as your hips swell out and breasts start to form (they don’t even have to be big - I think I was a B cup then) , girls seem to count as “mature” enough for some men to start looking. I’m sure they excuse it as “only looking” though.

But I’m sorry about the older men chatting her up, that’s even creepier- perhaps she needs to start practicing her “ I’m only 16/17” combined with a hard stare. Although that’s only going to help for another year or so, bless her. I remember being creeped out and panicked by it too. I tended to turn bright red and flee asap (I remember literally running out of a pub once 🤣). Hope your daughter learns to deal with it better than me, maybe it is even harder or at least happens more regularly if you are beautiful.

Unfortunately some men are creeps and will leer at any female but especially a young one. When my eldest was about 13 I can remember my DH actually calling someone out for staring at her. He asked what he thought he was looking at. Bloke looked embarrassed and moved away but doubt it would have the same effect if I said it and DD would probably be mortified.
I don't actually know if it would help in real life but she is a brown belt in kickboxing so I always hope she'd be able to defend herself if someone went too far.
She mostly ignores the creeps to be fair. She normally only goes out with friends or family and I suspect when they're in a group it's easy to just laugh at the creeps.
But I do agree that it makes my blood boil when I see older men perving at her. Fucking sick but unfortunately nothing new.

AnnaQuayintheUK DM had big boobs and a small back! Hated going to work on the tube(1940s left School at 14 then) Leered at by vile men trying to squeeze against her, or who would stare at her openly .Thankfully took after DF with a wide back and a medium chest

Have you had her in martial arts yet? If not, tomorrow is the next best time to start, whether she feels like it or not.

Far too many of these men are leering not just because of sex drive and girls’ looks, but because they like making girls and women uncomfortable. There would be ways of looking and appreciating beauty without being on a power trip.

I’ve had my dd training in martial arts for years, following my experiences as a teen, and I’m hoping it’ll give her the option and confidence to call these scum out as pervs and creeps, even as she gets to 18 or 20. Because it never fucking stops, and being afraid of violence is what stops these male apes, and all that stops these male apes, when another male ape is on the scene.

My DD is tall, slim, beautiful, had long blonde hair. She’s recently cut her hair short, wears baggy grungy clothes, is questioning her gender.

TBH, I feel a sense of relief that she could be mistaken for a boy. She has a good set of friends and seems to be focussing on her interests/ not going up too quickly.

Her friend group are similar and all questioning traditional stereotypes about boy/girl identity.

While I was sceptical at first, she does seem to be avoiding any awful predatory behaviour from men.

surely this is an issue for all girls and young women irrespective of what anyone perceives as "beauty". Older women do not escape it either Sit down and chat to any group of women of any age and you will find apperance tends to be irrelevant as they will all be able recount experiences that will range from street harrassment through to physical sexual violence. Yes, young women get the most blatant sort of sleazy vileness but no female is immune from how foul some men can be. My mate was in her car the other day, stopped at the lights and a man drew up in the other lane and said "oi, bitch, suck my dick". My friend is 64, so not a young and beautiful girl.

I think they main thing is helping your daughter in how to navigate that.

I got a lot of attention from older men from aged 14 on. At 15 I had a 33 yr old 'boy'friend I thought it was all amazing. It was not. It is disgusting!!

Lol at the Mumsnet urge to bat people down, and the fact that 90% of replies here are just so the posters can imply that OPs daughter isn't as pretty as OP thinks she is 🥲

Sadly not particularly optimistic about the harassment improving - my mother and aunt were harassed my sisters and I were now our daughters are. All varying levels of attractiveness - only common denominator being teens / young women 😢😢

I wouldnt bother trying to have a sane conversation with @catinthereallysmallhat she doesnt seem to have a sense of reality.