Is friend a CF? Wedding Edition!

[Goldfish92]

Finally after many years & cancelling and rebooking our wedding, me and DH to be are tying the knot this summer.

A few weeks ago, DFriend announces she has booked her own wedding a couple of weeks later. This itself would never be an issue, I realise I do not have a monopoly on wedding and I’m not the only bride in the world!

However…

As we’re trying to save money wherever we can, I have been making lots of the decor/favours/flowers etc for my wedding. I had been sharing a lot of this with DF as we share everything & are very close. She had now started to say, firstly jokingly now seriously that she’ll have all my decor after me (for free!) and she likes all my ideas etc. She’s asking what my dress is like, what food, music etc too.

I’m also feeling pressured to help with her wedding when I already feel maxed out trying to get everything done for ours with 6 weeks to go! I’ve stopped sharing things with her as it’s a) making me feel uncomfortable but b) like she’s stealing my wedding! I’d also quite like to resell as much as possible and I feel pressured to give it all to her! It’s also making me feel like my day isn’t my own.

AIBU?!

Wow, she really doesn’t give a shit about you!

At this stage I’d be getting a trusted family member or friend to keep an eye on her, she will either sabotage your wedding or steal things.

I would find this really annoying and upsetting. She is being a lazy and cheap CF, expecting to use all your stuff for free and copying your dress into the bargain. Are lots of your guests going to be the same people? When she brings it up again, I would say something like “dont be silly Susan! The guests are going to be the same people and they are going to wonder why on earth you have copied me down to the last detail. That would be VERY weird. Surely you want your own style and ideas on your big day?”. Don’t tell her a single thing more about your wedding.

I’d be making sure you tell her that her invitation to your wedding is now cancelled and have someone keeping an eye out for her at your reception as she sounds like the type to start “tidying away” - ie stealing - your decorations once the meal is over and the tables are moved back for dancing etc and you’ll suddenly realise at the end of the night that all your decorations have gone “missing” and your CF “friend” who clearly isn’t a friend she’s a user, has nicked them all!

The flower girls will expect to keep their dresses and will wear them to parties until they are ruined.

Very clear she’s a CF from the majority of the responses, but what do we make of this…she’s just sent a group message out for her Hen Do, the weekend BEFORE mine! Losing the will to live right now…

Lol - is that only the initial invitation? You'll be too busy preparing for your wedding/hen do, right?...

I actually think this is less of a surprise as your weddings are close and presumably there's overlap between your wedding and hen do and dates she might choose.

I knew it was coming so not a massive shock but I already know I’m going to get grief as I will definitely not be able to attend!

Ugh, she is really taking the piss now. Is it a different kind of hen to yours or very similar location with the same people?

If I was one of the people being invited to both, I think I'd be very unimpressed by your friend. Are they both local night-out type of events, or on a bigger scale? Have your guests already responded to your invitation?

Just stop helping her, you have your own wedding to focus on. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, next time she asks for something just say “I’m going to try and sell everything to help with costs”. If she’s offended by that it’s her problem.
It’s also completely reasonable to say you’re keeping your dress/colour scheme a surprise, most brides do.

Is she not becoming a laughing stick with your friends?

I know if I had you as a friend who had been planning their wedding for a long time and another friend started organising things last minute to trump the already arranged plans she would be getting told that she is a joke and coming across as pathetic

I’d say to her that you’d be delighted to share the cost of decorations with her and offer to go 50:50 saying you can both use them.

She is taking the piss!

She really isn't your friend, thats for sure.
Stop sharing anything with her.

She sounds like a frenemy.

Mutual friends will be secretly, or maybe not so secretly judging. Nobody will think this is acceptable at all, so I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t slag her off though, as that will make you come out of this badly. She’s doing enough damage herself. Just mutter “yes it’s a pity it’s so close” if people comment, but don’t go into it any deeper than that.

This.

And you don’t need to go to the hen do if you prefer not to. Say you are too busy.

Just check she isn't marrying your fiance

Are the same set of friends going to both hens?

Weddings don't have to be original but I can understand why you're fed up with your friend's behaviour. Does she always copy you ? Is she jealous of you? Apart from the hen do she is going to look daft because she's copied everything off you. Just concentrate on your wedding.

To answer a few questions: yes same set of friends apart from a few work/old friends! A few have already said they won’t be going to hers as they’ve already committed the time/money to mine & lots have young kids too so don’t want two weekends in a row out and about. CF not messaged me directly apart from in the group but I can feel a bit response coming looking at her replies to other friends who’ve said they can’t go to hers! If it matters, mine is a pre planned weekend with pre booked activities, she’s just throwing together a cocktail bar craw in our local town.
She’s also defo not marrying my fiancé, he’s already told me how much she’s annoying him as it should be our time, I didn’t think men worried as much about this so I hadn’t really bothered him with it!

Be careful. She’ll be suggesting a joint hen next as so many people can’t go to hers…..

I wouldn't at all be surprised and then make out you are being selfish and unreasonable.

I really hope you are seeing her clearly.

If it's any consolation op, my wife's sister got married 3 years after us. The wedding was identical apart from the dresses and the starter for the meal!!!

Same venue, same church,same cars, same bridesmaids bar different chief bridesmaids....used all the same suppliers.

But we laughed at her about it and it allowed us to take in some bits of our wedding we'd not noticed.