Cleaner threw away/moved/stole my secret booze stash

[Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected]

I rarely drink, I haven’t since Dv was born and since Peri kicked in and made me ill, every time I did.
Things have been stressful recently and Ive been having the odd drink on the balcony at sunset on my own. I usually don’t drink it all and usually put the remainder behind my bedroom patio shutters outside

Anyway, I came to have some tonight and they’ve all gone, cleaners came yesterday so an assuming it’s them as they clean the patio area too

Why would they do that?

But you are. You’re afraid your bloke’s going to snaffle your booze and you’re hiding it. That’s the absolute definition of disordered drinking. I live with a recovering alcoholic, it’s all too familiar.

Ridiculous.

You've said part of the reason you don't keep it in the fridge is to stop your DH from taking it.

So it looks like you need to find another hiding place?

Either way, we're heading into Summer and it's going to be like drinking bathwater soon.

Ask politely if they tidied them away some place? You are making a leap to accuse them

Just ask your cleaner if she happened to see any small Somersby bottles and see what she says. I can't see that she would have snatched a small bottle of cider to have for herself so either your cleaner doesn't have anything to do with it, or she just put them in the bin. She might have been preoccupied and not though to put the full bottle in the fridge.

Also she possibly thought she shouldn't put it in the fridge if she's never seen alcohol in there before, but didn't want to leave it out there untidily.

Because if he does I cba going to the shop for more, just like I hide a bag of nachos for myself in a cupboard or chocolate as a treat. I have to as it gets eaten in my house, it’s nothing sinister

But you're hiding bottles out there. It's very normal to enjoy a glass of something in the evening, especially if you have a lovely view to enjoy with it. What would be normal though is to get the glass of whatever from the cupboard/ fridge/ mini bar, not hidden on the balcony for reasons you keep changing.
Hiding bottles is such a well known sign of a problem with alcohol, which is what people are trying to flag to you. It's understandable that your family history would affect your relationship with alcohol but at the very least you're in danger of passing on some messy thinking to your own daughter about it being an illicit thrill.

To go from genuinely barely drinking to drinking twice a week in secret with a secret stash of warm cider to avoid anyone k.owinh in times of stress-thats problem drinking.

Can't you see that

Oh for goodness sake! The op doesn’t want to drink in front of her kid. She’s not an alcoholic drinking a couple of small ciders a week. Leave her alone!

I completely get that sitting out enjoying a peaceful drink on a lovely evening is a treat and a pleasure. I also understand that you wouldn't want your child to see you if you were likely to be tipsy.
It's just the secretiveness and hiding things that feels strange. Your DC will need to navigate being exposed to alcohol at some point in the future so it's better that they see it as a normal thing you occasionally do rather than something illicit and literally hidden away.

She certainly looks like one from where I’m sitting.

OP this is really not normal behaviour around alcohol. If you want to have the occasional cider that's fine. Hiding it on a balcony and insisting you don't really drink (except factually speaking you do and have been drinking regularly) and having your DH not even know about it is really disordered and most people would see it as concerning as you can tell from this thread.

But why would that happen after 7 years of barely drinking? I think because I had some and realised it doesn’t seem to make me feel ill anymore, ive started to enjoy having a small drink again

She's keeping it secret from her DP too. Otherwise she would have asked him about it.

I doubt is anything to do with the cleaners- I’ve never had a cleaner throw anything out even if it could be garbage. If it’s them, it’s most likely moved if that.
i agree your view of drinking is on the disordered side. There’s a big range between what your dad did and what you’re trying to do. Get help.

Your odd behaviour and secret drinking is definitely worse than your DC seeing alcohol in the home. Kindly, you need to address what you think and act this way.

It's much, much healthier for your DD to see you have an occasional (or even regular) drink in moderation than to hide alcohol, ever.

Not wanting her to see you drunk is reasonable, but that's very different to having a cider every few days.

May be you feel worried about where the boundary is and that your drinking could escalate at some point? Even so, making moderate drinking a secret is dysfunctional. And what happens when DD is old enough to find the bottles herself?

My dad was an alcoholic so I do understand your concerns, at least partly. But if you don't work out your own feelings and issues around alcohol and how your dad's drinking affected you, then you're going to pass on a disordered attitude to drink to your DD. (Calling it your "peaceful time" is a bit of a red flag.)

You might find NACOA helpful:

nacoa.org.uk/

I would text /contact the cleaner and ask if they moved the items from X place? Make it polite and casual. If they say no then ask your DP.

A couple of posts on an anonymous forum. I’d love to hear you tell a doctor that that’s all that’s required to diagnose a serious illness.

I put things by doors that are ready to be taken to the bin. I would assume it was forgotten rubbish if left by a door. N

I also have an aversion to drinking at home.

So I don't.

You're under stress and drinking as a reaction

You're hiding it

You're minimising it.

It would happen now because of the stressors in your life.

If I suddenly started drinking twice a week in response to stress, hiding it and beingirrqtionally annoyed at the cleaner clearing it away id be concerned.

They thought it was rubbish I think. Leftovers from a party perhaps.

So warm cider off the balcony, is your drink of the day…

Why have I started doing it then, is it really a problem?