Cleaner threw away/moved/stole my secret booze stash

[Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected]

I rarely drink, I haven’t since Dv was born and since Peri kicked in and made me ill, every time I did.
Things have been stressful recently and Ive been having the odd drink on the balcony at sunset on my own. I usually don’t drink it all and usually put the remainder behind my bedroom patio shutters outside

Anyway, I came to have some tonight and they’ve all gone, cleaners came yesterday so an assuming it’s them as they clean the patio area too

Why would they do that?

Ps. Op I would assume the cleaner thought the bottles had been left over and were rubbish too.

Well, for one thing it’s not fair to have a rule that he can’t drink at home, while you do. For another, it’s really sensible to have accountability about your drinking so that one bottle doesn’t become half a dozen. And for a third, he might have been the one to move the bottles, not the cleaner, and be wondering how to bring it up.

It’s not normal to hide drinking from your dc, neither is it normal to stop your DH having a drink at home and for you to hide your occasional drink.
Your DC is going to get your warped perspective sooner or later.

Does your DH have a drink problem?

Agree, it’s not what she’s drinking it’s how drinking made her feel as a child she’s trying to avoid her child feeling this.

I have a similar thing if my husband is tipsy I’m front of our daughter which is rare and I mean twice a year , I want to kill him as I’m very damaged from two parents who drank, my daughter is not so she just laughs at him.

I agree with most posters, your cleaner probably thought they were rubbish as they were left out, just ask them to leave them alone? Half a bottle of a single serving of alcohol a couple of times a week does not make you an alcoholic and including 'secret booze stash' in your title is a bit goading IMO.

If your feeling guilty for drinking any amount of alcohol given your general stance on it and your house rules, well that's a very different thread altogether. I think you've derailed your own thread OP.

I’d just ask the cleaner what’s happened to the bottles.
If they state they threw them away tell them to leave them alone in future and you will throw them away.

I wouldn’t want a cleaner throwing anything away ( unless it’s in the bin or clearly a bit of rubbish ) without asking first.

OP, to answer your actual post - you need to ask the cleaner what they did with the bottles, and if they threw them away, then take the money out of their wages.

Their job is to clean, not to throw away unused bottles of alcohol.

If it wasn't them, then you need to ask your DH if he threw it away and ask him why.

I would have thought dh is more likely to have put the unopened one away not knowing you stash them in bedroom. I would not assume cleaner before speaking to my husband

I think the biggest problem here is that you’re drinking Somersby. Appalling excuse of a cider.

Joking aside;
I think, like your cleaner, I’d have assumed they were to be thrown. I’d just have a word with them and ask them to keep them as is in future.

The amount you’re drinking doesn’t scream “drinking problem” to me, but I do understand why you prefer to keep it out of view of your daughter.

My father was (“was” being the operative word there😬) an alcoholic and it’s given me a very odd relationship with alcohol. I won’t have a small glass of a wine with my dinner during the week because it feels “wrong”, in my head it’s the same as my dad necking a 50cl bottle of vodka at the dinner table, or having a 4 pack of cider with his breakfast. Which is ridiculous, I know.
I worry about my daughter seeing me drink because I associate a parent drinking with their potential violence and feeling scared, even though neither her dad nor I have ever displayed such behaviours (we’re those annoyingly jolly tipsy types). I had 4 ciders and a glass of Pimm’s at a BBQ last weekend and felt awful the next day that I’d “exposed” her to that. In reality, I was laughing and joking and singing and dancing, and she was joining in (with her lemonade) having a whale of a time.

Drinking a couple of ciders 1 or 2 nights a week is not in itself an issue. What is an issue is how you are going about it. You are acting like an alcoholic and that having a drink is shameful. I think you need to look at getting some counselling. What is more unhealthy? Your daughter growing up seeing you with an occasional glass of cider, or watching her mum sneak off a couple of nights a week to drink in private?

And as I said it’s not healthy nor normal to to hide bottles

I imagine the cleaners thought it was outside because it was rubbish and threw it away. What concerns me more is the fact that you're a) secretly drinking and b) hiding alcohol. I don't think you have an alcohol problem if your saying you only drink very rarely but you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and the way you're approaching it is odd. Drink like a normal adult if you want to drink! Your daughter isn't going to get upset if you drink responsibly around her - in fact she has no idea what you're drinking is alcohol unless you tell her. Hiding it is the bit that will give her hang ups for the rest of her life because she will find out one day and then she'll think you have something to hide.

I belong to an old family, so whilst I, personally, don't employ a cleaner, we do still have staff.

Sadly, my last housekeeper ate my guinea pigs. Have been rather reticent to employ another one since.

And you think you have problems...

I don't think I've ever seen anything so ridiculous as calling someone who has a single drink twice a week a problem drinker. I don't care if she drinks it on her balcony or on top of the chimney pot , it's a couple of drinks in a little chill out ceremony to herself at the end of the day FFS!

You’re Freddie Starr and it was a hamster, stop drinking so much 🍻!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Have you actually asked the cleaners?

I grew up with an alcoholic so I can see why you have gone this route. Surely it would be better to model a healthy relationship with alcohol to your dc. I have 2 teen dc's we have alcohol in the house. I so drink in front of them so they can see what moderation looks like. Also so they can see that I can have one drink with Sunday lunch and still be a normal Mum or that I can be the designated driver and not drink and still be fun. I want them to see that alcohol doesn't need to be a social crutch and it certainly shouldn't be secretive or medicinal....to help you manage your stress. You need to reflect on your own relationship with alcohol, it doesn't sound very healthy to me.

FFS

So much projection on this thread and outright batshittery.

But she’s not hiding them is she ? They’re on the balcony of her bedroom because that’s where she enjoys an occasional drink. And the only reason they’re there is because she grew up with an alcoholic father and doesn’t want her DD to see her drinking even moderately. This has only been happening for a couple of weeks, so it’s very possible she’s pondering how to approach it with her DD.

That’s really not an answer is it ?

If you read the OP again, she says she has a drink on the nights her DH does bedtime, so hardly sneaking off is it ? This thread is batshit.

It’s tricky. Most people would use that time to catch up with whatever. Then when kiddo is in bed, breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy a tipple together or at least in view of the other, not hiding it.

I don't need to read it again. I have said there in no problem having a couple of drinks but the fact she is hiding it is an issue. Due to growing up with an alcoholic she obviously is feeling guilty drinking while in the same house as her daughter. Her actions around the drinking is what is not healthy.

I usually only drink on special occasions. Every now and then I fancy a drink, buy it, and put it in the fridge.

It wouldn't occur to me to hide it from DH. Why would it, unless you're worried you'll want to drink more and don't want the judgment?

The odd drink isn't an issue. Hiding that you're drinking is a red flag though.

Did you not read the OPs multiple posts where she said she isn't hiding it but just doesn't want her DD to see her drinking at home alone? Because she has bad memories of her Dad doing that when she was a child.

Then dozens of posters continued to TELL OP she clearly has a drinking problem and is hiding it from her DP and fooling/lying to herself or that she has 'disordered thinking around alcohol' an 'unhealthy relationship with alcohol' and is doing things that are 'not normal'.

I swear 90% of MN can't even be arsed to read the OPs posts and just make it up as they go along.

Press see all of OPs posts and they're entirely normal and utterly reasonable.

The poor woman only asked people's opinions on why the cleaner might have thrown away her bottle of cider? And had a ton of fan-fiction accusations and armchair psychologists telling her she needs professional help.