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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not let DD celebrate her birthday this year?

256 replies

BauerBorg · 01/06/2025 12:52

DD is turning 15 this week, but due to her behaviour over the past few months, we’ve told her there won’t be a party or any celebrations beyond a cake and a small present at home. She’s been pushing boundaries in every direction — talking back, lying, not pulling her weight at home, and even skipping school once. We’ve tried everything from grounding to talking calmly to involving school, but nothing has made a dent.

She was expecting a party and a shopping trip with friends, which we’ve now cancelled. She’s been in tears and saying we’re being unfair and ruining her birthday. I feel awful, but I also feel like we need to make a stand. She’s acting like she can do whatever she wants without consequence, and honestly, we’re both exhausted by it all.

DH agrees with the decision but keeps second-guessing it now that she’s giving us the silent treatment and making the whole house miserable.

AIBU? I don’t want to be cruel, but I also don’t want her thinking bad behaviour gets rewarded. Would love some outside perspective because it’s hard to see clearly when emotions are this high.

OP posts:
Copperoliverbear · 03/06/2025 17:39

I’d stick to what I’ve said and she will learn that when you say something you mean it.
she doesn’t deserve extra treats other than a basic Birthday.

Commonsense22 · 03/06/2025 17:53

I would lay the responsibility squarely at her feet and say if you'd self-reflected and shown awareness your own behaviour had caused this you might have reconsidered but your lack of willingness to apologise for your actions shows it was the right decision.

Goldenbear · 03/06/2025 19:21

Copperoliverbear · 03/06/2025 17:39

I’d stick to what I’ve said and she will learn that when you say something you mean it.
she doesn’t deserve extra treats other than a basic Birthday.

My goodness, what a miserable way to perceive your own child- an adversary, even on her birthday!

JazbayGrapes · 04/06/2025 11:05

Commonsense22 · 03/06/2025 17:53

I would lay the responsibility squarely at her feet and say if you'd self-reflected and shown awareness your own behaviour had caused this you might have reconsidered but your lack of willingness to apologise for your actions shows it was the right decision.

The decision is already made. Apology at this point is pointless.

nutbrownhare15 · 04/06/2025 11:09

She's struggling and I don't think this is the best way to resolve the issues you are having or to build a strong connection into adult life. She'll remember this forever. You get kids to behave by having a strong connection with them not through punishment.

nutbrownhare15 · 04/06/2025 11:14

Oh and I did all of those things as a teenager. It's a hard time anyway. And I was having a really hard time at school and took it out on my parents. I felt safe at home. They did talk to me about my behaviour and explained when it was unacceptable but I wasn't punished. I've turned out fine and have always known I can rely on my parents no matter what. If they had done this on my 15th birthday I'd have been devastated and it would have led to serious consequences for our relationship and my sense of safety at home. My parents would no longer be people I could confide in because I'd be afraid of getting punished again.

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