Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Get up and go with them, or go out and invite a friend with you if she's wanting to play with them. Assuming she's an only child she's probably wanting to play with friends to be around other children rather than just not wanting to go out, so if you invite them with you she'd probably be happy to go.

But you and DH decide what you do with the rest of the weekend. You're the adults! If you want to plan a day out (or even a day in just you), you say to the other kids "not today, we've got plans". I really don't get it!

I don’t want to muscle in on it, but when it’s both days, back around lunch, then after lunch she is with friends, that is most of the day gone.
They take the car, so I can’t go out anywhere

Bus, train, uber, walk? Or arrange something with a friend that drives and would be happy to give you a lift? Or tell husband to leave the car as you have plans.

Also , make some actual plans at the weekend. Swimming, theme park, farm day , beach day, rock hunting in the woods , a different (bigger/nicer) park with walks. Let them know what’s happening, so no Sarah can’t come over , no you can’t go to Jimmy’s.

Have your coffee and then go and meet up with them. Best of both worlds, you get your rest, and then you get to go and join them for play and lunch. I’m sure they would love you to join them. Please don’t be so passive OP. Join them.

Taxi? Bus/train? A friend to pick you up? I mean really?!?!?

You sound so passive OP.
Have you actually said all this to your dh?

You don't know if he encourages this? Then talk to him about it.
Say the trips sound fun and you'd like to go with them.
Or say "let's do something as a family this weekend!" and make a plan!

Stop being so wet.

That sounds heavenly - a lie in then time for yourself! Maybe you can schedule another nice thing to do later in the day (Saturday movie/board game night, teatime with a special baked treat round the table...) or arrange some family activities (museums, gardens...)? Your daughter can surely be told to come in and do thing with the family! She could play out one day and do family activities another.

You do sound quite passive, have you said to your husband you would like to come?

Yes your daughter likes to spend one on one time with her dad. But you could have best of both worlds. Sometimes you go and sometimes you don't.

Do you ever plan anything for the one day of the weekend? Actually saying to them about going somewhere?

If yoy don't suggest anything or say what you want to do they will leave you to it.

OP, have you always been so passive about your life?

Tell them you're using the car.
Make plans for when they come home.
Tell DD she's not playing out today because you're all doing X.
Get up with them and go on a nice day out.

Nothing is stopping you from doing any of the above except you.

@MargaretThursday

what about showering? Take a bit of time for
yourself 😊 - unless it’s an emergency why do you need to be out the house so quickly?

There is no need to be nasty! Obviously there are reasons why someone wouldn’t shower (such as yours), but I was referring to the norm.
I am not judging anyone and I do not have ‘made-up rules’ , whatever they might be.
However, I do not appreciate such an unpleasant comment from you.

You’re the adult here. You get to decide the rest of the weekend.

I voted YABU but then I saw this update and now I'm not so sure. OP, do you feel that they are deliberately engineering the timing these cafe/park trips to exclude you? If that's the case then I'm not surprised you're feeling unhappy about the situation. It's nice that DD wants some one on one time with her dad, but if they are sneaking out the house both weekend mornings to avoid having you join them, then actually I'd be furious with DH. It's borderline nasty, especially if he is encouraging her to have a "let's leave boring mummy at home" attitude.

However if you want family time in the afternoon then you should just tell your DD that is what is happening. She's 8, she shouldn't be dictating what is happening for the entire weekend. Perfectly reasonable for her to play with her friends one afternoon and spend the other afternoon with her family.

Why can't you make plans with your own friends sometimes?

Or say no, not this weekend?

Are you always this passive?

This, by 8am our dc have been up for 2 hours!

You're the one talking about how crazy it is not to shower in the morning, and asking people if they just "fling deodorant on and hope for the best".

Maybe you should read back on your own comments before calling other people names.

8 am is not early , your creating your own problem

Honestly this is a lot of energy moaning and would take just a little energy to fix. Tell her she’s not playing with friends one afternoon and plan something nice to do together instead.

Why is it seemingly impossible to make a comment without some judgemental person jumping down my throat? It seems that some people just have to try to put someone else down.
These people need to get a life, not to mention mind their own business!

Can you get some coffees and take them along to join them mid morning?

I’m going to suggest something really outrageous: talk to DH and DD and plan something you can all do together. Also, if friends come a-knocking, tell them DD is busy.

Do you live in the middle of nowhere? You've legs, walk, catch a bus. Why not suggest getting lunch afterwards?

No wonder men get confused by women. For every post on here saying their husbands don’t pull their weight with the kids there’s one like this who moans when he does. Men must read MN and think wtf do women actually want because they can’t win. 8 o’clock isn’t early either, as the saying goes you snooze you lose.

It does actually make a difference with regards to pinworms, particularly if you live with small children, who are exposed to them all the time.

They come out and lay eggs at night, so if you don't wash in the morning, they spread all around the house and you end up totally infested. We found this out the hard way, as DH and our boys, used to be evening washers 🙃

Not the point of the thread, I know!