Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Oh for heaven’s sake, grow up!

Just make plans based on what you want to do, maybe suggest they go out, then pick you up around 10am for any activity. It’s your choice to change this, maybe family movies in the afternoon rather going out playing. Lots of choice just take control.

I have to get up quite early on Saturdays (in term time) to take DS to an activity in town, which is 45 min drive away. While he is there I get to shop/have a coffee/sit in my car watching TV shows. After the activity I pick him up, we go to lunch in town, he chooses where each time. Always just the two of us.

We have asked DH many times if he wants to come to town; either early on or to meet us for lunch. He absolutely doesn't and I'm sure he relishes the time alone at home (we both mostly WFH so are usually both there!). He certainly doesn't complain!

As someone whose kids are welded to them and have to be heavily convinced to want a day out with dad that sounds wonderful.

If you found something fun to do locally for a family day out and suggested that to your daughter earlier in the week, would she not be up for that?
And be badgering her Dad to go instead of their usual routine?

Could she even bring a little friend along?

I think you will have to be proactive to make changes but surely tempting her with something else fun would be a start?

It does sound heavenly to me. But then playgrounds are like a special version of hell to me. So bloody boring.

Anyway. I’d let them go but organise something else for all you later that day or on Sunday. So ‘no friends round today, we’re heading out to this museum, attraction, for lunch’ etc etc.

I do think it’s nice for them to spend time together if he doesn’t see her much in the week. I’d change the way I view that time - some time to either relax or catch up on things round the house. But tell them you’d like them to be back around 10 so you can spend some time together as a family.

You just need to be more firm.

It's almost like women aren't all the same person...

Have you talked to your DH about how you’d like a bit more family time on weekends? As this seems easily solved. Just arrange to go to or do X family activity on one of the afternoons. Discuss it with them and pick something you’d all like, obviously.

I'm a bit confused as to how this is every weekend? Are there not weekends where you go to the zoo, cinema, swimming etc? That would be family time 3 weekends a month and 1 weekend where you get me time.

You learn something new everyday!

Pinworms?

Gosh do you enjoy doing this? I’d be sharing that every other week with my DH. I’m sure he relishes the time home alone and not getting up early, ferrying around and sitting in the car…

You’ve got an excuse for everything.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard such a passive person.

No wonder they go and do stuff without you because else they’ll never get to do anything.

If you want to join them, wake up early and be ready for the time they go.

If you can’t wake up that early then meet them there or do something in the afternoon.

Arrange a day out once a month and get up early and say we’re leaving at X time.

If you want to do a hobby then do something that doesn’t involve the car or do your hobby when they’re back.

I feel quite sorry for them.
Why should everything revolve around you just because you can’t be bothered getting up early.
Good for them for not sitting around being bored all day.

Have they explicitly said they don't want you there?

Seriously? If I've showered or had a bath the night before I might just have a quick wash in the morning - I can definitely be ready in 10 minutes. If I'm doing dirty jobs I might not even do that. My shower broke and I had to do without for a couple of weeks until I could get it replaced - it is perfectly possible to have a thorough top to tail wash very quickly. Even when I do shower in the morning I can be done in 5 minutes if I'm not washing my hair.

You can easily get ready in 5mins.
I wouldn’t like to rush around that much but you only need 10mins max.

Wake up, put the kettle on, get changed and brush your teeth then make a coffee to take with you.

You don’t need a shower before leaving the house and don’t need to put make up on etc to go to a park.

This is how it used to be
Without me organising family days, nothing would happen.
Dd just said it was Dh asking her if she wanted to go out, the point is that no thought is given to asking if we’re doing anything, they’re up, out and gone

Oh come on OP stop being so passive. Planning is your friend. During the week, PLAN a fun family activity for the coming weekend which you are all aware of and involved in the planning of, so that you are all getting up and going and doing the same thing. Ok you might not get a lie in this time. But this stops them going the playground (this time) and precludes any friends knocking on the door (this time) because you won't be in.

Kindly, stop being so wet.

Yes, look it up. I was blissfully unaware of the too... until I wasn't.

We all now shower religiously in the mornings. If you've got just a few (that you might well not know about), it stops them getting a foothold. Also keeping nails short helps. Not much else you can do, if you've got a toddler like mine who licks everything he comes into contact with 🤢

Are you talking about threadworms?

I think this is the best Idea. They get to have their time together and then you can all go out afterwards. She can play with her friends on the other day of the weekend.
My DDs used to play in the back lane (all the gardens ran along it) with their friends on weekends but quite often we'd have plans one day (seeing family/swimming/day out). So we'd just say you can play out today but tomorrow we'll be doing xyz. They were always happy with that.
Your DD can't be too tired to go out as a family if she's happy enough to play with her friends.

Exactly.

She plays out on the days you have nothing planned. It sounds as if you don't plan anything - and let the weekend just happen to you.

Yes. Pinworms and threadworms are the same thing. In our house we call them bumworms, which is more apt imo.

@Delatron Oh I love it and look forward to it. Many weeks it's the only time I get to town so I plan which shops to visit etc. Other weeks I'm looking forward to watching some show or another, which I don't really get time to do otherwise. The lunch is a real highlight (I have always loved going to lunch, and so does DS). Town (a town known for its foodiness) has lots of nice places to eat, we live rurally where there is very little, and so that is a treat too. We have our places we go and things we like to eat there. DH gets several hours of "peach and quiet", as DS terms it Win win

Do you not tell them you have plans until the very day???

Surely even the night before you could say something