Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

I haven’t read the full thread, and I’m sure I won’t be the only person who has suggested this but…

Can you not make some plans in advance? Like on Friday night over dinner I’d be like “so what shall we do tomorrow guys?” And make a plan that suits EVERYONE. If they are early risers, suck it up and get up early and go out as a family on Saturday. Then if you want a lie in on Sunday they can go to the park but be back by midday then you go out for a family roast together. I feel this is a pretty simple problem to solve.

Could you not join them after they’ve been there an hour or so? That way they still
have some time together to catch up, especially as your daughter sees him less because of work.
If you headed down with a brunch picnic or snacks then you could sit together to enjoy that before heading home.

Get up then!!! Talk about making an issue out of something you need to change. Or why don’t you go play with them when they get back? Or organise something so they don’t get up and go to a cafe.

I would love this! My parents used to send me and my little brother out on our bikes early on weekend mornings and tell us to come back when the sun went down. We had "family time" and time to talk over dinner. All were very happy.

Why don’t you split it, one does Saturday one does Sunday?

One day just tell your daughter not to go out with friends, that it’s family time and you have something planned? You’re the adult here!

8am is not really early

You can be ready in 5-10 minutes?? What about a shower, or do you fling some deodorant on and hope for the best?

if going to a café why do you have to get up and have a coffee.

Ask if you can go with them now and again, and just get up, get showered and go out without making them wait for you.

Why don’t you like them having their own relationship? Are you jealous?

This . Arrange an all day out.Zoo, theme park, train trip etc

She's too tired to go out but not too tired to play out with friends.....has she always been so controlling?

You can’t expect them to hang around doing nothing because you’ve got FOMO. Get up earlier or leave them to it. It isn’t fair to expect people to do nothing because you can’t be arsed to get up

You seem to be a bit passive here OP, why don't you say 'lets do something all together next Sunday, how about xyz?' My family would sit inside all weekend if I didn't prompt them to leave the house. Its lovely she has friends to play out with but it sounds like they are there all the time, why are you letting that stop you doing something with her?

If they are going to a cafe then can you have your coffee and croissant while out ?
If you’re not ready by 8 can you take your coffee in a travel mug ?

Tbh I loved it when my ex did stuff like that so I would rather tell dd that she can play with the friends from the street on Saturday or Sunday afternoon and the other one is family time. That way you get to sleep in and get half a day of family time.

what hobbies do you have? as Saturday morning would be the time to get on with those hobbies - park run, yoga, whatever

its not the length of time you spend with children it's the quality of time you do spend with them.

What hobbies does dd have?

@Cherrytree86
Wash my hair the night before and have it in plaits, which I don't change if I'm being quick. Clothes out the night before. I don't (ever) have breakfast.
I can be up, brush teeth and dress in 5 minutes when I want to be. I can also faff around for a couple of hours like dh, but if I'm going out then I normally don't want to.

I did on occasion get myself, and an 8yo, 5yo and 2yo out in half an hour when the children were small.

That doesn't sound very healthy, you don't mention her age but all children need friends and to spend time with them. You can't use her "for something to do"!

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain
I haven't read the full thread just your updates so sorry if it was already said.

Could you meet them at the park after? If they like having the cafe breakfast alone maybe just 1 day per week they do that?

I know you said she likes to play with her friends when she gets home. How old is she? When it is time to come in could you have a 'movie night' with popcorn/ fizzy drinks. Could even do that on the Friday after school.

I know the whole ritual of going to blockbuster is gone but it's something I love as a child. But how about going to the shop to pick out what ever she'd like. I used to love getting the jelly bean factory jellys or ben and jerry. Then come home and pick a movie together.

You lay in bed then moan because you can’t be bothered to get up, simple solution get up earlier.

You’re still missing a shower! This is crazy!

8 is a long lie!!

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. It seems that this has been going on for a while. Without anyone realising, what might have started out as a little break for you has changed to a permanent of behaviour for father and daughter, resulting in you feeling excluded.

You need to create a repeat pattern of behaviour that includes you in something fun. Don't get caught up in just a 'minding role' while you're daughter plays with friends. Plan some family days out in advance. Something fun and exciting and gradually build up frequency. Ignore your feelings of exclusion; don't wait for your daughter's or partner's permission - just plan and do it. In a few months time, you'll have a 'family' day out pattern of behaviour.

Why don't you ever have plans for the weekend? What time do you usually get up?

Sounds like they might have got into this routine because you spend half the morning louging in bed and they wouldn't get to do anything otherwise.

Willing to accept I'm wrong, but 8am is not that early! Lounging around, wasting a weekend is really frustrating to early risers who like to get up and out

They can go out one morning, then plan a family day the other day. She's 7. If you tell her you're going out today and she can play out when she's back, that's what she'll be doing. A 7 year old shouldn't dictate what you do for an entire day.