Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

@WestwardHo1

“half the day”?? Hyperbole. It sounds like Op would be up and ready for 10am which is a perfectly reasonable time for a weekend morning. It wouldn’t kill her husband and daughter to wait for her - I’ve sure there’s loads of things that they could be getting on with

But why shouldn’t they want to have some time “just them”? I really don’t understand this thread AT ALL!!

So you want them to stay in and wait for you to enjoy your sleep in first?

Why should they have to wait for her if they’re up and both want to go out somewhere? Surely she’s the one who should be getting up and ready if she wants to join them?

@faerietales

why not? Why should they get their own way all the time? Maybe some weeks they could wait a while for Op - the daughter get her chores out the way like tidying her room or whatever, the dad sort his and then they all go together like at 9.30am or 10am - maybe doesn’t have to be every single week, but I don’t see why the wants of the early risers should take precedence every time if Op is also wanting to join the trips.

@Cherrytree86 because at the moment, two people are up and ready to go and one is choosing to stay in bed. I would be pretty annoyed to have to sit around and wait on someone who just couldn’t be bothered to get up.

If OP wants to join them, then she needs to get up and fit in with their routine, not expect them to sit about twiddling their thumbs or “doing chores” until she can be arsed to get out of bed 🤷‍♀️

Maybe OP can have her lie in one day of the weekend and get up not early (because 8 isn’t early) the other day.

2 out of 3 are happy with the perfectly acceptable arrangement.

So, OP needs to compromise.

Get their own way?? They are awake and ready to go out, 8am is a perfectly normal time to go for coffee and breakfast with kids.
Making your DD and DH stay home and do 2 hours of chores while you sleep in because god forbid they go out and enjoy themselves when she’s asleep.

I see this all the time with women, do more childcare, spend more time with the kids, but do it my way, not yours and don’t enjoy it too much or do anything too fun.

This is so bizarre. Just get up at 7:30. Problem solved.

I see this all the time with women, do more childcare, spend more time with the kids, but do it my way, not yours and don’t enjoy it too much or do anything too fun.

Honestly, I’m inclined to agree with this - why shouldn’t a dad be allowed some one on one time with his daughter on a weekend without being called selfish or told that he’s excluding his wife?

I have some great memories of spending time with my dad at the weekend while my mum relaxed or saw her friends. I can only imagine that the posters criticising this man never had anything similar with their dads.

Getting out of the house by 9:30 is doable but 8 is different.
I think that's pretty early for a weekend. We don't usually get up until 8 on the weekend. Certainly wouldn't be ready to leave the house by then.

@faerietales

getting up early isn’t more virtuous - it doesn’t have to be the default to defer to the preferences of the early risers. Perhaps op has a particularly stressful job or something and she needs to catch up on a bit of rest and sleep on weekend mornings. Plus you haven’t answered my question- would it kill the daughter and dad to crack on with their chores or whatever to give mum a bit of a lie in and then all go together? Why can’t that happen sometimes?

@TaggieO

she doesn’t want to. It’s a weekend ! Who wants to be getting up at 7.30am as if they’re off to work!

If she doesn’t want to get up then she has to accept that people aren’t going to wait around for her 🤷‍♀️

It sounds wonderful to me too!

Can you not go and join them once you’re up.

8 is very early, but maybe they are just early types.

This is a good point too.

Nobody has yet explained why the dad and dd can’t enjoy some time together.

Surely to goodness it’s fairly uncontroversial that 8 is early to be out the door on the weekend?

Even for the competitive early risers on here

I haven’t once said it was virtuous - just that you can’t expect people to sit about and wait for you if you choose to stay in bed.

Just get up & go with them? It’s you choosing to sleep in, not them.

I don’t think 8 is that early when you have a small child who’s probably been awake for a good couple of hours already.

And I’m far from a competitive early riser - I wasn’t awake until almost 10 yesterday.

@faerietales

why?

And why would they need to sit around waiting?

Surely they both have stuff to be getting on with to allow Op to have a shower and a drink?? The parks not going anywhere is it?!

I have found that as DS gets older I have to find ways to connect with him and deliberately plan our time together. It was easy when he was tiny and always with me but now I have to go to him.

He is very close with DH and they have lots in common so I have had to find my own things to do with him. DH doesn't like bowling or swimming so those are now mine and DS' things together. I also make sure to have a show or something that we are watching together without DH (the Harry Potter films at the moment).

I think you just have to be a lot more proactive so let DH and DD go out on a Saturday morning as that is their thing. Then let DD play with her friends in the afternoon as she enjoys it. Use the time for you and DH to catch up on housework and do your hobbies.

Sunday morning get up and take DD out somewhere the two of you. Come back, have lunch and then the afternoon is a family activity such as boardgames, family film, cycle ride etc.

Presumably they don’t want to stay home though - they want to get out, go to the park and have breakfast. They shouldn’t have delay their plans just because OP would rather have a lie-in.

OP can get up and join them if she doesn’t want to feel excluded, or she can enjoy a quiet, lazy morning at home and they can do something as a family in the afternoon.

This