Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

He goes out or falls asleep

Why can't your dh stay home one afternoon to supervise and then you can go meet your friends or attend a class?

So get up half an hour earlier? Or plan something for the afternoon, or lunch out?

It won't kill her not to play out one afternoon every few weeks.

But tbh it sounds like lovely weekend time. Kids don't need much more than play on weekends, which is why she's happy.

There's lots of solutions to this, you're only seeing problems.

So he...doesn't? Tell him you're going out and he's on child duty.

You know the answer to this……….get up when they get up and go join them for precious family time. Before you know it DD will be taking her own child to the playground.

You have to speak to him and make plans to go out so that he can arrange to mind the kids. Again, as many others have said, nothing will change unless you make plans.

That’s sad 😢

So why don't you take DD out in the afternoon? Or just tell him you're going out (either alone as a family). Or talk about plans at any point before or during the weekend. It sounds like you're sitting around waiting for him to entertain you...

If it bothers you then get up with them! Otherwise, have your lie in and let them enjoy it.

So where does he go? Why don't you go out in the morning while he has DD then swap over and you take her somewhere in the afternoon?

Or as everyone has said, mention in advance going somewhere as a family!

You seem to have a lot of excuses.

That's understandable so you just need to take control if you want to do something together. Let them go to the park, I think it's nice to spend 1:1 time together but you arrange something for a different time, somewhere out, a film, baking a cake, playing a game and that's either for everyone or your 1:1 time too.

When and why did you stop?

was it because you were exhausted/needed a break? Did you communicate that?

Was it because you were cross at your husband for never planning anything and fed up of always being the one to do it? Did you communicate that?

I still don’t understand why you can’t get up earlier and go with them?

If you want a family day out then of course you have to plan it in advance like everyone else does.

It’s not fair that they have to stay in until you decide to wake up and for you to then decide whether you want a family day out or not.

If nothings been planned then they are of course going to fill their time with something fun.

You sound quite difficult OP.

Next Saturday get up early and go with them.
Then plan something in advance for the following Saturday.

So is the annoyance that you used to arrange for all of you to go out but your husband arranges just him & your daughter?

It's easy to see how this has come about though as you were still in bed.

So they come back after breakfast & you all have the rest of the day together?

Or you could all go out after lunch?

Seems that there's still plenty of time to do stuff!

So go with them. 8am isn't early, and you don't need hair & makeup. Just bung on some jeans & a tshirt and go too.

I understand that you have felt got at - and it's understandable why posters have responded as they have. Peri can be a bastard, but usually something can be done about it. It does mess with your head in that you think you can't do anything about situations, but that's in your head. I suspect all three of you would be happier if you rediscovered some va va voom. Good luck at the GP. HRT isn't always the miracle answer, but it can improve things.

So it sounds like your DH takes DD out to the park then breakfast, then they come back at midday. This is fair enough to me, he's the one getting up with her etc.

Then after getting home he "clocks off" and has a snooze or goes out?!

If he goes out is he taking the car again? Is he off running errands, or is more hobbies/pub?

Is there any communication happening or is it just expected that you'll be spending the rest of the day at home watching DD playing with the neighbourhood kids?

Would also be interested to know why you stopped planning stuff.

Also agree that you sound quite down.

Oh give over, honestly done women will find fault I anything a man does!

OP can get up at 8 at least one if the mornings if she’s that bothered? How about that, it’s not really early at all,

8am is not early. It's your choice to stay in bed. Just get up if it's bothering you and don't be that person who is half-asleep, with hair all over the place. Weekends are precious things so go and enjoy them!

Crikey you're being very passive here.
If you want to spend time, then do. Just talk to them. Options include:

• asking them to leave a bit later (say 9) and you come with them.
• discuss with your husband signing her up to a morning class, say swimming, ballet, karate etc, then they swing by and collect you and you go out somewhere.
• suggest they go to the park for a shorter time, you make a picnic and go out somewhere together at say, 10.
• go out places in the afternoon.

No one is going to know you're unhappy unless you actually say something.

If your mood is low, then making an effort to change things can seem insurmountable. Conversely, making a change can have a positive impact on mood. So you do need to force yourself to perhaps see GP about anti-depressants or hrt if this is linked to peri. And to talk to your husband about how you are feeling about the weekends and why you want to shift things up a bit.
Do you work OP or is your week focused entirely around your daughter such that at weekends when she isn't there you are a little lost? What things did you enjoy pre DC? Can you make time for hobbies and meeting friends?

⬆️ these are very sensible suggestions.

OP, how much have you actually communicated with hubby over this? How does he respond if you ask him to just hang on half an hour so you can join them? Does he understand how low you’re feeling? Is he supportive in general?

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain lots of good ideas on here.

The thing is nothing will change unless you speak up. If you've not told DH that you're unhappy, he and DD will assume you're OK with it. I love having some 'me' time so DH used to take our DS out at the weekend sometimes when he was little. My DSis ex used to take their boys to their football practice every Saturday. Both her ex and my DH would assume we were fine unless we spoke up - they'd think they were doing us a favour by taking the kids off our hands.

Why did you stop organising days out? And, when you say organising, was it a case of you suggesting and you and DH booking things, sorting out food etc between you or did you have to do the lot? Were the others happy or did it seem they were agreeing for the sake of peace? What made you stop organising or suggesting things?

Because, in our house, I'm often the one who'll say 'how about a drive down to the coast one Saturday' or 'we haven't been to such and such for a long time - loved it there - shall I see if there are any tickets'. DS and DH would jump at the chance but they wouldn't necessarily think to suggest it as they'd be thinking I'm enjoying the 'me' time.

If you want to join in then wake up earlier.

If you want a lie in, fine, and isn’t it lovely that DH keeps DD entertained and lets you sleep.

but you cannot have it both ways and expect your family to wait around for you to finally fall out of bed before they start their weekend.

Why can’t they have a bit of time together? Don’t butt in,OP!!!