Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

Sounds like a good balance if you ask me. You get the morning to yourself to lounge whilst they get on and do stuff together and then the afternoon is spent pottering. My kids also go out and play with their friends which I think is important, they need time on their own to enjoy being a child and have fun without me. I don't need them to be in the house with me but if I wanted us to watch a film/play a game then I would tell them to stay in. They aren't out in a solid block either, they are usually in and out over a few hours so plenty of time to have lunch together or play a quick game, have a quick chat.

If we are going somewhere all together then we are all up and out but I don't see why it's necessary to enforce "family time" all day every weekend when there is nothing special going on.

As your child gets older she will start to drift away from you and she will start going out with her friends instead of you so to me this part of life is entirely normal and it's up to us to arrange time together as non negotiable but not just to have flaky not sure what we are doing plans, it needs to be "we are doing xyz at this time, you can't go out with your friends"

Like what? 😔

What happens if you tell them you made plans for everyone next Saturday /Sunday?

Yes that’s why I want to do family days out now, I know it won’t last forever 😔 I will start arranging in advance again at least one day somewhere out of the weekend

I will start doing this again

I suspect while your trying your best they are aware you are unhappy.

So I'd suggest going to GP - and seeing if they can offer anything to help - they may not really depends on how good your GP is.

I have a usless GP - but have found some suppliments that seem to help my peri mood swings - I got much better and stopped taking them as expensive - and few months later moods are fine but chirst my period this months been horrific.

So try GP - see what they suggest and talk to your DH - he may be able to include you a bit more or at least understand where you are coming from.

Yes but OP you need to communicate. Speak to your DH at a separate time if you don’t want to involve DD

You are not stopping the activity but just seeing if things could change a little so you’re not alone (with no car) for every morning at the weekend. Because you don’t want to be.

You sound a little flat OP. Are you on anything for the perimenopause? It can suck the life out of you!

HRT is amazing if appropriate.

Anyway, I understand the not wanting to get up and rush around early on the weekend when you’ve done that all week . Hopefully you can chat to your DH and start changing plans slightly. They can still have to time together but you organise some family time too.

Then I’d start making the most of my morning off!

The options as I see it are:

Get up early sometimes/one of the mornings & join in

-Get up early & get a lift with them to wherever it is & do something else (shop, gym)

Get a taxi over to join them later or get a bike and cycle over (3 miles isn't far & it sounds rural if car is the only option)

-Organise alternative days out sometimes that you all do

-Do nothing to change it but enjoy the free time & pursue a hobby on weekend mornings

Do nothing but stop complaining about it

You are proving the posters point.

You are unhappy about something - but instead of addressing it, or taking on one of the suggestions. You sound as though you are just going to passively mope along because "DD is happy".

Your DD could also be happy with day trips . She doesn't have to play out with friends EVERY weekend.

Stop complaining and plan/do something with your family.

Oh and I also made my DH fully aware that I was perimenopausal- it’s important that they understand (though I was a demon so my DH could not ignore it!). It’s not something to hide. It’s bloody awful for many!!

I think you might need to chat a bit more to your DH about how you are feeling about everything.

Not on anything but think I need to be, thank you x

Honestly OP, HRT was life changing for me. I couldn’t be arsed with a thing before it, I was tired. I couldn’t sleep. I had zero tolerance for DH….

I feel back to my old self finally and have my spark back. Definitely go and chat to the GP. It often takes a bit of tweaking. The menopause boards on here are good too. Good luck! X

I would be arranging trips on a Sunday.We always did this .Often had a Roast on a Tuesday instead . National Trust is very good for children .We have been members for years and when DC were small and now covers holidays in UK free trips out.This is not working for you is it.Be proactive and take some control back!

I think this is lovely for them and you may just have to deal with it.
Or, let them go out early and meet up with them for the coffee part. Or they get breakfast out and you meet for the playground bit.
And even if they're back at lunchtime, you still have the whole afternoon/evening now the nights are longer. She does not Have to play with her local friends every Saturday.
Or maybe let them do their thing 2 out of 3 Saturdays and then on the 3rd, you all go out for the day together?
So many options, you just have to talk to each other!

This passive about everything going on around you!

I have visions of the Op taking ages to get ready & having to have her coffee whilst husband & daughter are raring to just get out the door & go!

If they are getting up and going straight to a cafe do you really "need" a coffee before going, get one there.

You have choices if you want more family time

Get up and go with them and get your coffee there
Have a little lie in, coffee at home and meet them in the park
Make plans together for Sunday or Saturday and agree a time that suit you all (perhaps they can do the cafe then come back when you have plans together)

Whatever option you choose just make sure you don't make them hang about feeling the morning is wasted waiting for you to get up/get a coffee.

This is so easily fixed with everyone happy.

You complained you had nothing to do if your DD was playing with her friends! Of course you can go out if you arrange something! What an odd thing to say. As I s saying you can't go out because your DH has the car, you said they were back at lunchtime! None of this makes sense

I can’t go out as has to supervise the kids if at mine or stay at home if at neighbours as they’re always running it and out of the place

Thank you so much x

I think you sound really sad so maybe this isn’t really about what you think

pragmatically though if they’re ready to go at 8, either get up early and join in or enjoy the peace. You have every afternoon with your daughter while your husband is presumably at work so it’s nice they have some time together. Both mornings is lovely if you have nothing else on, but no idea why you’d make them sit and stare at you drinking coffee so you could sleep in later than they do. Make a plan for every other weekend to do whatever and then they can do their own thing the alternate weeks. You can also tell your daughter no to playing out and do something together. Loads of options logistically but if you can’t see them I think it’s worth considering if you are struggling in general.

Nope. It isn’t like that.

Why cant DH supervise? Or you tell her no playing out today as you're going out as a family. Why are you letting a 6yo dictate your weekend?

DD is 6, you tell her she isn't going out to play that day. Therefore no kids are coming into your house and you are not responsible for the other children who are already outside as that is up to their parents.

Is she quite spoilt? Do you give her any boundaries? You earlier mentioned you don't want to stop the park routine as it makes her happy.
She is a child, you are the adult. If you have plans then you need to say so and so what if she whines.