Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

[Doanythingtostartalloveragain]

Recently, Dh & Dd have started going out on weekend mornings, to a cafe and playground usually. They are both earlier risers than me and i’m usually still in bed. Whilst I like the occasional quiet time alone at home, i’m finding i’m getting up every weekend alone, they then come back and Dd usually plays with kids on the road for the day, so we aren’t getting any family time together.
Dd says she doesn’t get to see Dh much as he works more, so likes to do things with him, which I understand, but it leaves me having done nothing most weekends and feeling a bit sad

I think this sounds like really nice bonding time for them. 8am isn’t particularly early so if you wanted to go you could easily join them. it’s hardly fair to expect them to wait for you to have a coffee for example, just have one in the cafe. Otherwise join them later, can you get another car or an e-bike, or ask them to go to a playground you can walk to? If you want to do something different as a family one day you’ll need to discuss it and agree it in advance, and ask them to come home straight after the cafe so you can all do the activity together.

Your explanation does not explain why you are prohibited of doing other activities during the weekend - or you waiting until you are actually at breakfast to drink your coffee.

It’s not outside the realm of possibilities for you to wake up at 7.30am, throw some clothes on and some lipstick and concealer and make it out the door.

No one should have to wait for you to “get ready and drink a coffee” when the whole point of breakfast is to have coffee at breakfast.

I have to say this is a crazy thread! Who would have thought that people (presumably mostly parents) would be criticising another parent for taking their kids out on the weekend while the second parent catches up on sleep, reads, does a hobby...whatever! Madness.

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnywayJust so you know-I’ve reported your nasty, insinuating post.

But if you just throw some clothes on and go you can have a coffee in the cafe. Cafe coffee always tastes so much better as well. Just go to bed earlier.

Make a plan for something you want to do and get them on board- e.g. next Saturday at 11am, I've got tickets to go to a wildlife park, so everyone needs to be ready to leave at 10:30. Then they are prepared not to get too overtired at the park.

There's not a chance I'd get up at 8am on a weekend day unless it was for something spectacular.

Then you organise something for the weekend.

My mum won’t get up earlier and misses out on things. If you want to lay in bed that’s your choice- alternatively they’d be waiting around for you… some compromise is ok eg Sunday morning they go to the park bit Saturday family time begins 9:30!

Oh no, poor men!
How dare women have different opinions and feelings!

It’s interesting that she’s completely ignoring all of us saying this and instantly glommed onto the people saying her husband is purposefully excluding her.

Is this triggering some childhood feeling if abandonment? Do you feel that its like a date they are having that somehow shoves aside both your maternal role and your romantic role?

I don't understand why you don't go and join. Them once you're up and out?

About 3 miles away

Have you chatted to your DH about this? There could be a compromise - - - one day they are up and out early and that’s their time. On Sunday they agree you’ll all go at 8.30/9 or do a different plan.

I would also start planning in other family stuff like day trips out. The playground is just really dull.

Have you spoken to him ? Could he think hes doing you a favour?

Or, could you catch them up in an uber a couple of hours later?

Depends on context. If it's being done deliberately to exclude you, it's a problem. But unless you've had a chat about it, we don't know.

I do understand that whilst an 8am leave isn’t seen as early for many. Having a deadline of 8 that I had to be up and out of the door at the weekend (for no good reason really) would annoy me slightly. Though I’d be perfectly happy with a lie in and peace and quiet instead..!

So, you have no reason, then?

It's not odd at all for a parent to want to spend one-on-one time with their child. They have multiple hours the rest of the day that they could spend together as a family but they're apparently are not doing that because the child needs to play with the other children in the neighborhood.

It's very sweet that your dh and dd want to spend some time together and this should be encouraged. I'm sure you also cherish the times you spend one on one with her. I think it would be wrong for you to try and prevent them having some one on one time.

This doesn't mean that you have to spend the weekends at home alone though, it's perplexing that you view things this way.

Are your dd's friends only available at weekends to play with her, which is why you're reluctant to make alternative plans with her in the afternoons?

If so, then enjoy your morning alone and make afternoon plans to see your friends or go to a class. Your dh can stay home to mind dd in the afternoon when she's playing with the neighbourhood friends.

Saturday and Sunday evenings can be family time. Or Sunday afternoon make a plan to go somewhere as a family for a few hours. Tell your dd's little friends, when they come knocking, that dd will only be available for a short while today because you're going out later.

She can have one on one time with her father (which is important), see her friends, you can get out of the house and have family time all in the same weekend if you change your attitude and make plans.

So just meet them there, would be a nice 40 min walk.

Bear in mind that dd might love having some time alone with her father.

I am losing the will to live with your replies. You sound like my sister, doom and gloom about something, but every suggestion about to change or improve is met by negativity or a reason why it wouldn't work.

It's draining trying to deal with a martyr.

Do you do this to them?

Look, I can see why it would be annoying every weekend but unless you DO something it's not going to change.

Talk to your DH for a start, tell him it's great what they do, but next weekend can we all go out for the day.

It's in your hands, OP.

OH did this for years, first with soft play (ughhh), then with swimming. Sometimes I joined them, more often than not didn’t. After a while it did become habit for both of them, and they did become quite protective of the 1 2 1 time, especially since they didn’t see eachother much during the week. DD enjoyed the activities, OH enjoyed the long chats they’d have in the car. They missed these outings when they didn’t happen for various reasons.

It would only become odd/concerning IF and when OP actually did something about it, talked it through and would be met with resistance and opposition.

No, it sounds paranoid.

Most mums are screaming out for their partners to be more active parents. You should be happy to he is wanting to actively spent time doing things with your daughter and in his mind he probably thinks by taking her out of the house it gives you time to rest.

If you’re not happy about this situation use your words and communicate with your husband. It’s that simple.

“DH, I love that you and DD are spending so much quality time together but I feel like we don’t get as much as a family together anymore. Maybe we could compromise and Saturday you two spend it together and then Sunday is for all of us.”

Get up earlier then. Why should they wait around for you, when you're not even up?
If you want to make plans, discus it the night before so everyone knows.
You can't moan that they've gone out, when you're still in bed, when no special plans for doing anything have been made.

Why are you being so passive in all this? You’ve obviously got the arse that you always had to organise the days out so have had a strop and stopped doing this. Now you’re complaining that he’s organising his own thing and going out without you. Also all your information is coming from your DD, so are you not speaking to your DH for some reason?
My mum used to always say, if you can something about it do it, if you can’t just get on with it.
There is a multitude of things you can do here, and many quite simple and obvious suggestions from people, so just sort it out for crying out loud!