Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

[aifai]

That's it really. DH is upset and swore never to buy me anything again because I allowed my DD to wear brand new trainers he bought for me. He's upset and called me naive, saying I take things for granted. Was I unreasonable for allowing her wear it before I did?

He should be delighted that the trainers he chose were cool enough for her to wear.

He bought them for you with a voucher he got for working hard. So yes you are unreasonable

I guess if you had brought them yourself and wouldn’t let someone else wear them first he also has a point.

You're a great mother, putting others before yourself. Your husband should wind his neck in and see what a wonderful woman his wife is.

Yes, let's all reinforce the idea that women who put their needs last are wonderful and should be commended.

I think re “naive” the DH could have been referring to (totally made this up!) OP falling for DD saying “oh but they go so well with my trousers, way better than any of my own shoes!” when in actually fact they are (say) Gucci bee trainers and the DD hasn’t seen past the brand and just pounced. DD knew how to get around OP (oh no, nothing to do with the brand, they just go with my outfit really well), OP loves the look of the trainers oblivious to the brand connotation, DH knows exactly what’s going on here.

I say this because I’m actually gobsmacked that a child can ask a parent to use/borrow a personal gift to them when they’re brand new, literally box fresh, not even a day old. The daughter knew exactly what she was doing. The OP fell for it. Hence, “naive”.

If she looks after them and isn't wearing them to go clearing canals I wouldn't see an issue. It's a pair of trainers not a diamond tiara.

Maybe she needs her own trainers though. But if its a one off wear, it's fine surely? If you don't mind.

It's a gift for you to do as you wish. If that means letting your daughter wear them first, so what.
He has no control over that and it does not mean you don't value to gift.

What a stupid comment, they’ve been worn, you can’t exchange worn things.

What trainers were they?

Not when they brand new. Fortunately my DDs both have different sized feet to me

I tend to agree and think that children should not be encouraged to form the view that it's acceptable to ask to use someone else's gift when the recipient has only just got it and before they've even had a chance to use it themselves.

Whether that's your mother or anyone else - "oh, it's only mum, she doesn't count" is not good thinking to encourage.

Well, quite. I was making a point that he was being OTT.

It’s giving “Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day you gave it away”.

I gave my XP a gift once that I’d spent hours making. I knew he’d love it, which he seemed to, and then he sent me a photo of it in his house, with a backdrop of Winnie the Pooh wallpaper. His DD had said how much she also liked it so he’d put it in her room. I found that really hurtful as I hadn’t spent all that time making it for someone else to enjoy it.

Obvs in my case it was slightly different as it wasn’t my daughter, but even if he’d given it to one of my DCs I’d have felt like he was ungrateful or worried that he didn’t like it. If someone buys me a gift I would make sure they see me using it so they know it’s appreciated. Letting someone else, no matter who, have it first says you don’t really value it.

Let’s not normalise being a great mother =putting others before ourselves.