Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

[aifai]

That's it really. DH is upset and swore never to buy me anything again because I allowed my DD to wear brand new trainers he bought for me. He's upset and called me naive, saying I take things for granted. Was I unreasonable for allowing her wear it before I did?

If your DH didn’t use his voucher to buy the trainers that arrived for you on Friday - what would your DD have worn with her trousers yesterday?

I think that’s his point about being naive.

They arrived and your Dd loved them. She begged you to allow her to wear them and I suspect it was about none of her other stuff looking right?

I don’t think YABU to allow DD to borrow stuff. But a brand new gift from someone before you’ve even had them in the house for 24 hours. Yes - Yabu on that and I can see why your husband is upset.

Interesting that they were the only possible shoes that went with the outfit the dd choose to wear that day. The dh could be right about the op being naive.

I agree that they were a personal gift and tat the OP shouldn't have lent them out.

But if they were £50 trainers for knocking about in the house and garden then that would temper my response over a £300 pair that were designed for road running and my partner was suffering because their current pair were messing up their knees.

It also makes a difference as to whether these are something that the OP could just get herself or whether they can't afford another pair for a few years.

She didn’t say they were the only possible ones did she? Just that they looked good with her trousers.

They are trainers not jewels.

I think your daughter was a CF for asking to borrow them knowing you'd never even worn them yourself

I don’t think he knows what naive means…

Its a shame your dd hasn't got more respect for her mum. You don't ask to wear someones trainers before they have worn them, especially when they were a present, if you have a does of respect for those around you

She's probably used to being told yes whatever.

Your daughter sounds spoiled. You DON'T ask to wear someone's brand new clothes/shoes before they do. She "begged", teach her some manners.
I would be upset I was your husband and I would think twice about what I gifted you in the future to be honest. It feels like an unappreciated gift.

I can’t believe people are getting so worked up over…a pair of trainers.its not like you trashed them or gave them away to a random. You just let your daughter borrow them.Is he normally so irascible? And people here are drawing all sorts of conclusions-spoilt daughter, inability to say no. It’s a pair of trainers, people!

I agree it is a bit weird and I wouldn’t have let dd borrow them. Plenty of time for her to borrow them when they’re not as new. You should be enjoying the newness! And dd shouldn’t beg to borrow new goftsI hardly ever get new shoes so for me they’d be new for ages.

They're just trainers. I'm not sure why it matters who wore them first.

The trainers were a gift to you. It's up to you what you do with them. Same as if you'd been gifted a cake, a voucher to a spa, or a glass vase.

I can see he might be slightly miffed that you'd not worn the trainers first, but it seems rather an over-reaction given that your daughter is careful with things and wore the trainers briefly.

Usually when I lend something to DD I never see it again. Not on me anyway!

He thinks you’re saying I’m not going to wear them so you can have them. Plus you aren’t really meant to wear other people’s shoes.

I don’t think he understand what naive means ! But anyway, I do this with my daughters pretty often. Dd1 is at the moment trotting around in a beautiful pair of shoes I hadn’t yet worn. Honestly there is nothing I wouldn’t give to my dds if they really wanted it, I like sharing with them.
DH wouldn’t criticise me for this, although he does tell the dds to look after whatever it is.

Well it is lovely?

I don’t see why everyone here is rushing to make sense of the angry dh’s rather OTT response. Its just silly and unnecessary and controlling.

I would be very upset if I bought DH something and DSDs wore it before he did. Would feel very unappreciated although I’m not sure I can articulate why.

I am surprised so many think it's perfectly normal to let someone use your gift, especially before you have worn them. There are usually so many posts on here from women who are upset that mother's day/birthdays have been forgotten and they have not been given anything. I agree with your DH that you seem ungrateful with the trainers and by letting DD wear them you were passing them onto her as you didn't want them or like them.

On a side note though I didn't think people actually shared shoes with anyone. I can't imagine having my feet in someone else's shoes they have been wearing. Again this would to me be that DD is claiming them as hers, which if DH had wanted to buy her a gift would be fine, but the intention was for you.

DH would probably be a bit miffed but he'd understand that I love DD more than him. 😜

Not normal. Can't imagine my DP giving a shit about something like this.

It was a bit rude and ungrateful to lend them out straight away. He'll spend the next voucher on himself, lesson learned.

If he 'regrets using it on you' then give him the trainers back and he can exchange them for something for himself.
You didn't ask for the trainers, or did you? If you did then I'd say you should've worn them a bit before lending them out. I wouldn't lend new shoes out to anyone, personally.

Your DH is being ridiculous. How can he make those claims when you've let your own daughter, who presumably you both love the bones of to wear them?

It would be different if you let Joan next door wear them who never returns borrowed items.

You actually did a really kind thing by letting your beloved daughter wear them before you because you thought they'd go well with her outfit. You're a great mother, putting others before yourself. Your husband should wind his neck in and see what a wonderful woman his wife is.