Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

[aifai]

That's it really. DH is upset and swore never to buy me anything again because I allowed my DD to wear brand new trainers he bought for me. He's upset and called me naive, saying I take things for granted. Was I unreasonable for allowing her wear it before I did?

Does he resent/hate your daughter or something? What a weird man, I’m guessing it’s very easy to piss him off and that he reacts irrationally to other things?

Hardly a gift if he decides how it can be used and dictates if things can be shared. Wanker.

What a weird man. Do whatever you like.

Is it?? I have never heard of this before. I would only share shoes in extremis - totally different from clothes but if OP had lent DD a brand new dress DH had bought i can imagine he'd be similarly upset

I can see his point, it's giving the impression that you don't really care about the gift

Thank you all for your responses. So many mixed opinions. Looks like I was being unreasonable for allowing her wear it before I did. He was given a voucher at work and used the whole of it to buy the trainers for me, hence his anger. He said he could have used it on himself and now regrets using it on me. I said it's not like I gave it to a friend to wear, I allowed his daughter wear it.

It arrived on Friday, I let her wear it yesterday- Saturday

If you’d lent them out to a friend or sister etc he might have a point but a daughter living in your house? I don’t see the issue.

Do you usually wear trainers? Did you even want them? Did he get you something you didn't really ask for or need? Did he discuss spending the voucher on you before he just did it?

It sounds like he had a vision for how things would go and it's not gone to plan somehow.

Actually I think the fact that he bought them with that voucher from work may be influencing his reaction here. He chose to spend that on you instead of himself and you let your daughter wear them first.
I originally thought he was being weird but it makes more sense now

I actually get his point. He wanted you have something nice and you let daughter have it first. Be honest are you ever getting them back will they now be hers. I would be hurt as well

I can't believe the amount of comments defending your husband.

They were a gift for you, gifts shouldn't have caveats or strings.

If you wanted to let her wear them and it made you happy, then I see no problem.

Does DD get her own nice trainers? I'm on his side if everyone has nice things, and this was your turn but she took away the brand new-ness of them by getting the first wear. Just because she likes them doesn't mean she should have them.

If you give someone a gift, they don’t use it but pretty much immediately give it away - how would you feel?
Of course you can do whatever you want with a gift, but basically immediately giving it to someone else in front of the givers eyes doesn’t exactly show appreciation.
You give me a gift. in front of yoyr eyes i hand it to the charity shop. Find of course, its mine now. Still rude.

Be honest are you ever getting them back will they now be hers

This is probably why he used "naive". Will your daughter now claim them 'because they look so nice with my clothes'. They were barely in the house before you let her wear them anyway.

You were rude. How can you not see this?

Put your self in his shoes with a gift.

I see his point. He thought he was doing something nice for you by using his voucher for something FOR YOU. But you didn't even wear them once before giving them to your daughter. I can see how he feels he wasted his money. If he wanted to buy something for his daughter, he would have bought something for her. It really does look like you didn't appreciate his gift.

I thought so too!

YABU. He used his voucher for a gift for you, not his daughter. You have basically taken the gift and given it to your daughter. He could have chosen to use the voucher for himself but he didn’t.

Thank you all. I love the trainers and appreciate him for getting them for me. My daughter is not claiming them. I only allowed her wear yesterday just because it really went well with her trousers. I guess I should just wear them out today so he can see I absolutely love them.

Does dd have nice things / new trainers too? If she doesn’t and he’s generally tight with spending money on her then I can see why you might want to lend them to her. But if you all have nice things and these were a special gift then he’s right to be annoyed. (If the whole family is short of money and there’s a teen in the house who would really appreciate new trainers then I think most parents would have let them have them over themselves).

It wouldn't bother me. I'd think it was really heartwarming that you loved DD so much that you wanted to share your lovely new trainers with her.

He's being a bit weird. If dh did this with one's I'd just bought him I would laugh and roll my eyes at him indulging her.
Maybe it depends how materialistic you are? I don't attach much importance to material things.
Perhaps they were of symbolic significance to him? Perhaps the voucher meant a lot to him?
Whatever, his reaction wouldn't be one I'd be happy with and dramatic statements plus the misuse of naive would put me right off him.

He called me naive for not attaching importance to a gift he gave.

Buy him a dictionary as a gift, he doesn’t even know what naive means.

If hes otherwise not an arse then just say to him what you've said here- they just go well with her trousers and she wanted to wear them. A lot of people judge and assess things by their own actions, I.e. he probably things id only give them to someone else if I hated them but thats not the case for all. If of course he is nasty about other things then hes probably just not very nice.

Well, he clearly got the gift for you, not your child. He put thought into what to get...and you turned around and let your child wear them before you wore them. That isn't what he had in mind at all - and it's bizarre that you can't see that from his point of view you essentially gave the gift he gave you to your child. He didn't intend to give your child brand new sneakers. Imagine if you gave him a gift and he turned around and gave it to his best mate to wear before he wore it...I doubt you'd be terribly impressed.

Next time be a bit more mindful: you should have worn the trainers first. It wasn't kind of you to just give away the present he gave you. There's a big difference between letting your daughter try the sneakers on and letting her actually wear them out!!! Not cool!

If I bothered to buy someone a pair of Nike Jordan high tops and they turned around and gave then to someone else to wear then that would be the last time they get a new pair of sneakers from me.