To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

[Liesmorelies]

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

Being a grandparent by 50 doesn't mean your family is full of teenage pregnancies!

My mum and nan were grandmothers by 48 and they both had their children aged 23-24.
By the time I'm 48 I'll have a 24 year old and 22 year old so quite reasonable to be a grandparent.

In your social circle. Not the OP’s.

Having babies in your mid 20s isn't 'ridiculously young' - you're a fully grown adult then, you could be a doctor or a police officer or a teacher.

So this is your village, where you live? Interesting 🤔

My SIL was a GP at 38 and she now has 5 at 49. Lots of teenage pregnancies in our town, lots and lots of young grandmothers. OP you need to relax a little about your age. As you know - people can have grandkids from 35-80 or whatever. When asking someone if they have grandkids im
not automatically thinking ‘they look old’

Pfff

Even in the OP's social circle, it doesn't mean teenage pregnancies.

I did say in the OP that they are in late teens - in fact, they're 16 and 18.

People are spectacularly missing the point by endlessly talking about people who became gps in their 40s. I'm not stupid and said in the OP I'm well aware I am biologically old enough to be a grandparent. But it's not the norm and, leaving aside derails about class, it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually. For that reason, I think it's pretty rude to ask someone if they're a GP when you don't know the age of their dc and don't know how old they are precisely. The more people say, 'Oh but my next door neighbour's aunty's cousin's dog trainer became a grandmother at 29,' the more I'm convinced I'm right that she was rude to say it.

In the rough estates, didn’t you know?

Clearly your just really butt hurt she thinks you look haggard. Get over it

Very sheltered life I would guess, if they haven’t met anyone who has a different life to them.

it is undoubtedly something that is associated with the later stages of life when thinking about it casually.

But it’s not and you have an entire thread of responses from women who have or who could easily have been a grandparent at 49 disproving your theory.

Of course I wouldn’t. I’ve just told you the risks, isn’t that what we were discussing?

I think she just wants to be offended tbh. The nroe she writes the more vain she sounds

A lot of ignorant people can’t seem to grasp this 😬

So? What have teenage pregnancies got to do with any of this?

My mum was a granny at 47, she had me at 24 and I had my eldest at 23. She didn't have my sister till she was 31 and she didn't have her first till she was 29.

This totally depends on region/area and socioeconomic status. There are definitely places where people are more likely to be pregnant or have young kids at 40 than be a grandma!

I think it’s natural to be upset tbh as you are assuming she thought you were older than you are. That’s the offense. I was asked age 45 if I was retiring soon once!! I too generally either look my age or younger! People say some odd things some times!

As for being a GG at 49, yep it does happen but it’s really not very common anymore. Most GG around here are usually in their mid 60’s up.

Tbf, under 25 is quite unlikely these days, unless you have no aspirations or future prospects

Well 16 and 18 aren’t young kids. The eldest is an adult and so yes they could both have children at this point and you could be a grandmother which you know. But it seems very irrational to have such a reaction to such a harmless comment. It seems you have a complex about your age and think that grandparents are associated with old age. Hence you think she thought you were old. End of. Move on.

The horror expressed that only awful lower class families with rough backgrounds could have grandparents in their late 40s - when actually tens of thousands of women in their 20s have babies every year.
It's not shocking or an implied insult to think someone of grandparent age could have grandchildren.

Well she said people always tell her how young she looks… people also lie.

I would never ask that question. I am childless and I struggle when people ask if I have children. I never even thought I’d have to deal with people asking me if I have grandchildren too (I’m 52). I always wait for the other person to bring up the topic (or not).

And what background would that be? Asking as a highly educated and solidly upper middle class professional whose family have been upper middle class professionals for generations - my mum had me at 22 and I had my oldest son at 27.

I expect I am from a much wealthier background than many of the women who have to put off having children till their early 40s if that's what you mean?