To think asking people if they have grandchildren is like asking if they are pregnant - just don't!

[Liesmorelies]

I was talking to a colleague last week and she suddenly asked if I had grandchildren. I think she already knew I had children but not their ages - I don't know her well and we weren't discussing our children at the time.

It really took me aback and, I admit, offended me a bit. I'm 49 and have been told a few times I look younger. Not because I'm so attractive (I'm not!) but my skin is pretty good and no grey hair and, while I'm quite insecure about my looks, looking older than I am is not among them. Or wasn't. It is now.

I know you can have gc at 49 but it's quite unusual and no one where I work who is the same age as me has gc- all have dc around the same age as mine (late teens).

If someone was clearly in their 40s/50s but I wasn't sure of their age I just wouldn't ask it unless I knew for a fact they had adult dc, just like I wouldn't ask if someone was pregnant just because their figure suggested they might be!

It also makes me worry that she was being a bit snide, which is also an upsetting thought.

Plus Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother was only 48 when Prince Charles was born.

Ignore the rude poster. She’s clearly from a background with a very small world view with a smug superiority complex!

Shocking how many people on this thread don't understand what average means.

And that someone coming in above or below that average number are somehow unusual or a rarity.

Particularly when talking about huge populations.

I do wonder sometimes if people come on mumsnet to just stir the pot as I really struggle to understand how anyone actually thinks like this.

While it is biologocally possible, society had changed from the times when soon after becoming adults women will have children.
I wouldn't be asking anyone this question because while there are women who have early children, but there are also those who are having kids much later. I would definitely not ask in a corporate environment.

Op, I don't know a single woman who is a grandmother at the age of 49. Maybe my own grandmother but she is not 49 in year 2025. Someone being a grandmother at the age 49 in year 2025 tells me they are a family of unambitious women. Perhaps that's the kind of environment your colleague has come from?

What is ambitious though? And do all women have the same ambitions?

Someone being a grandmother at the age 49 in year 2025 tells me they are a family of unambitious women.

Would you care to explain how you come to this entirely illogical conclusion?

What year was then? Because majority of the current royals had kids after they turned 30.

Seriously really think about what you have written do you honestly think what you have written is acceptable. Is this the sort of person you want to be?

Unambitious? What a fascinating perspective.

For you to have multiple grand kids by age 49, you had your kids in early 20s or even before, and then your child also did the same. I know shit happens, there are circumstances but if this is a norm for someone.
So for me that person did not bring up their daughter wanting to be a doctor, scientist or a highly skilled professional for her to also become a mother so young in last 5 years, when we live in a world of technology and information. It's not year 1950.

The current King made the Queen Mother a grandmother when he was born in 1948.

Maybe they're a highly ambitious hairdresser, electrician or police officer?

I had contemporaries who had their first child very soon after graduating. One of the girls on my Russian course married at 19 and had her first child before she graduated.

I acknowledge that it made things harder for her, but she certainly didn't lack ambition.

It’s entirely possible for both a mother and a grandmother aged 49 to be in highly skilled professions. The maths has been laid out numerous times on this thread, perhaps you should read it. It might help with your prejudice.

By current I mean, current 40 something year old royals. Because we are talking of women being grandmother's in late 40s being a norm in 2025.
I don't why you are talking about another era and using a someone example of someone who would be about 120 year old today.

No i brought my children up to be happy and to follow their own dreams not mine

49 is a perfectly normal age to be a grandparent.
I would love to be a grandparent at that age

I know many people now who are choosing not to go to university and are taking up apprenticeships or other employment instead.

Thinking about it, a cousin's daughter chose to work with her father and took her vocational degree after becoming the mother of two boys.

My cousin was a teenager when she got married. (No, she wasn't pregnant at the time.) She did various jobs and qualified as an accountant after having her child.

A former colleague's son decided to take up a joinery apprenticeship instead of going to uni. Another cousin's son decided that uni wasn't for him - he's working hard and earning well.

I am not talking about you. I am talking about those who think this is the norm that a woman would have kids in early 20s and then her female child will also do the same.

Brought up to be happy and free to decide their future is the best way to bring up kids.

Similarly, there are many women who chosr to focus on their career, ambitious and then pursue path of family.

As I'm sure you realise, I brought up that example because of the snobbery being exhibited here by some posters.

Half of women have children in their 20s so it's pretty normal.

Ambitious people can do both

What don't you get?

Outside of the average doesn't = not normal or a rarity.

The number of gay people in the UK is less than 4%. Statistically, that's a significant number when we're talking about millions of people but it also means the average person in the UK is heterosexual.

It doesn't mean gay people are unusual or a rarity.

The average clothes size of UK women is size 16, doesn't mean people above or below that size are rarities or unusual.

Just because YOU seem to not personally know Grandparents in their 40s doesn't make it unusual or a rarity. The same as it wouldn't make gay people rare or unusual just because YOU don't personally know any.

How can you be so self-absorbed as to think your social circle is indicative of entire populations?

My mum had 4 children between the ages of 21 and 30. She already had a decent degree by 21. She then became a highly skilled professional who is very respected internationally in her (scientific) field

I had two degrees by 23, and a well established and specialised professional career by the time I had my first child in my late twenties - including published articles and contributions to a book. I continued to climb the career ladder (rapidly) while working part time after that. I also managed to travel widely and compete at a national level in a sport before I had children.

I'd say it's more unambitious to think it's not possible to manage career success and to have children at a biologically sensible age.