To have expected a response to a Welcome to Your New Home card

[Sassetta]

New neighbours moved in a month ago. The first day we, their immediate neighbours, dropped in a welcome to your new home card. Response? Zero.

AIBU to think it’s basic civility to say, at some point, “thank you for your card, hello we’re so-and-so”?

It’s not as though I want to hang over the garden fence and pry into their lives. I just think that if someone gives you a card it’s polite to acknowledge it.

It had never happened before (or since). It was a nice surprise and we became quite good friends, as in popping into each other’s houses for a cuppa and chat. It was particularly nice because I didn’t know anyone there and she spoke fluent English (though wasn’t English).

I would never have met her properly if she hadn’t done that because of the set up of the street.

I dont think the OP was clearly suggesting a card back, more just an acknowledgement.

They probably put it down, forgot about it and got on with the million and one things that need doing when you move house.

But that requires the neighbours to go out of their way just to be thought of as having good manners, which makes no sense to me.

If a stranger sent me a card, I would say "thanks" if I saw them in the street, but it would never occur to me to go round and knock.

I am autistic though so all this stuff is generally beyond me - just come and knock if you want to meet me!

I don't see how a welcome card could be construed as batshit though. I mean, it's not wildly unusual and it's obviously meant as a nice gesture (even if you don't want it). We've clearly got different ideas of batshit.

Reminds me of:

You can’t spend your whole life holding the door open for people and then be angry they didn’t thank you. Nobody asked you to hold the fucking door.

I’ve moved house loads in my life. Not once have I received a welcome to your new house card and I have never sent one. Could be lots of reasons why you didn’t get a thank you. But as the quote says…

First house. Folks we bought from left a new home card and wine along with all the info about how boiler worked etc. We also received cards from next door on both sides. Yes I did go say thank you and hello.
When I moved from there I left a card and wine for new neighbours.
I've moved into new builds twice. No neighbours at first! We got flowers and fizz from the builders.
Current house. Both sides came to say hello when we moved in. I've had several new neighbours over the past 15 years along the row. Always make sure to say hello and introduce myself. One neighbour moved while their child was on the school residential. When child got back they came round with parents to introduce themselves. It's important to have a nice acquaintanceship for parcels, children getting balls from the garden etc, not minding dogs woofing too much etc.
I've always moved to small streets that are cul de sacs (only just realised that!!) maybe there's something there about being neighbourly because there's one way in and out?!

Well, I would personally find it very unusual and old-fashioned. It's not something I've ever experienced and I wouldn't know what to do in response so I'd just do nothing.

And yes, we probably do have different ideas of batshit - I don't get a lot of social niceties (autistic) and wish people could just be more straightforward. I'm quite happy to meet people and say hello, but I'd rather they just came and knocked on the door.

Maybe where you live or back in the 1960s. But from the comments no, that’s not normal. Say hello when you’re taking the bins out like a normal person. You don’t need to be best friends with your neighbours.

I hate this type of attitude. Do a nice thing if you want to but don’t impose obligations - even a thank you - with it

Yes, this sums it up for me as well.

Putting untold expectations on people then getting pissed off when they don't "conform" makes no sense. Go and knock if you want to say hello, or catch them when they're putting the bins out. No need to play "social tennis" with cards.

Thinking about it, I've not given my new neighbours a welcome to here card but the ones that we've really got on well with I've done a good luck as you move on card. I don't expect a thank you.

It would never in a million years occur to me that I would have to respond to the (intrusive potentially interfering) neighbours who had left a card.
I have friends already. Why do I have to be friendly with the neighbours just because we live near them?

There’s no such thing as a ‘thank you for your card’ card 😂

YABU. You live right next door. Make an effort to go and say hello instead of dropping a meaningless card through their door.

It sometimes can take me ages to respond to people, even to welcomes or whatever. I need to set reminders on my phone and often I’m so overwhelmed or just too busy. I know it’s not polite and I should respond sooner but it just takes me time. When I do, I apologize and then it’s ok! Give them some time to settle, and eventually they might respond. But if they don’t, it says more about them than you, you welcomed them, you were kind and supportive. You did the right thing. It’s on them what happens now.

I send a New Home card to a friend that’s moved but I’ve never given a card to new neighbours & never heard of anyone else doing it. We exchanged Christmas cards with our immediate neighbours for a few years but that’s died off.

Don’t think OP was asking to be best buddies. Just an acknowledgment by saying hello and introducing themselves! They probably have walked past her and ignored her. It’s a simple gesture that sets a precedent. If they are nice to her then she will be nice back, will keep an eye on their house when they are on holiday or accept their parcels if they aren’t in, and for bigger things like when they want to extend their house if they have been nice to their neighbour they are more likely to not have any objections. It starts small but clearly some people don’t get this trick!!

Chances are they looked at the card and thought ”that’s a nice gesture” and left it at that. Which is not rude at all. Then you speak when you speak, you’ll see them sooner or later.

They probably have walked past her and ignored her.

They probably have absolutely no idea who she is.

They probably have walked past her and ignored her

Probably? Projecting much?

I totally agree with you.

What a world when giving a card to a new neighbour can engender fears of having to say hello , worried about having to speak to the sender or even, being triggered-whatever the fuck that is!

The world has turned to shit when people have a million and one reasons for their ignorance.

I imagine your new neighbours are cowering behind the door, terrified that you might ring the doorbell.

We used to call people like these oddballs and, in my considerable experience, it's still the best term.

Sending cards with unwritten expectations attached is the odd behaviour here.

Why can't OP go and knock on the door if she wants to introduce herself

A card is too intrusive???

That's ridiculous.

if a card is too intrusive to you, I hope you are getting the help you obviously need. Genuinely 😊

How can you generalise? You don’t know where me or the other posters are from? I think it’s rude the neighbours are judging the ones that have moved in just because they haven’t replied in a month. I’m polite to my neighbours but I don’t want to be friends with them. Nosy neighbours need to understand some people are private. It’s not about being rude it’s about respecting boundaries. First it’s hello then before you know it, Shelia is crying to you about how her husband is having an affair with the milkman’s dog.