To have expected a response to a Welcome to Your New Home card

[Sassetta]

New neighbours moved in a month ago. The first day we, their immediate neighbours, dropped in a welcome to your new home card. Response? Zero.

AIBU to think it’s basic civility to say, at some point, “thank you for your card, hello we’re so-and-so”?

It’s not as though I want to hang over the garden fence and pry into their lives. I just think that if someone gives you a card it’s polite to acknowledge it.

Thanks for your concern, but I don’t need it. I am friends with most of my neighbour’s and have been for many years. We talk to each other and help each other out if needed. No need to send cards and expect a thank you for it. None of us have ever done that.

If you want to do it to your future neighbour’s just go for it. But don’t complain if you don’t get a thank you card back for your thank you card.

They could become pen pals. Like in the old days! 😂

It's interesting that all the "pro card" people automatically assume anyone who ignores them is rude or unfriendly, but they don't seem to have any awareness of how rude it is to place unwritten obligations onto total strangers

Spot on.

Well I would have loved you as my neighbours. I’ve just moved into my house and the only experience I got was from asking him to move his car off my drive so I could move In. Nice neighbours go a long way.

There are lots of ways to be a nice neighbour that don't involve sending welcome cards.

I get on with all the neighbours but we just talk to each other organically - no need to faff about with cards and weird unwritten rules about when to respond.

For goodness sake, what is it with this entitlement, OP ?
Maybe you have not moved houses in ages, but the whole ordeal can be really stressful and people have other things to worry about way more pressing that replying a stupid card.
Show some sympathy.

I also think it comes down to people who are extroverts and those who are introverts. We live in a world completely catered towards extroverts, they get very upset when introverts don’t act like them… I might appear extroverted to people who know me but I’m not. Might come across as rude or having no manners but I don’t really care how I appear to strangers. I’ll be polite of course but I don’t think there is anything wrong in keeping yourself to yourself.

My DH shoveled our neighbour’s driveway as there was half a metre of snow when they were away, so that they could park their car when they came back. We help each other out.

Because essentially the OP has now given that stressed out house mover another chore!!

I would have hated my neighbours to have sent me a card when I moved in.

Of course there isn't.

Yep, I've noticed lots of people seem to get offended when people don't respond in a way they've decided is acceptable.

I'm very much someone who needs a lot of alone time and I've noticed people get genuinely upset when I say I want to be alone - like it's some kind of personal insult

Precisely, on the first day too, sounds so controlling.

Everyone knows how hectic moving is, why add another thing on top.

Wait a week or few, or until you meet. They'll literally be next door, so lots of opportunity to catch up once they've settled.

YABU OP.

Yep, exactly! And she's now offended because the chore hasn't been completed to her satisfaction.

A weird self-imposed chore

We had the same, we gave a card plus our names (and my number in case they had any questions) and a bottle of fizz. We were, until these chaps moved in, the youngest in our cul de sac by far.

nothing. Nada. Zilch.

It was nice of you to send a card OP.

I think it also nice to introduce yourself to neighbours when you move somewhere new.

However YABU to either expect anybody to say thank you or highlight a perceived lack of manners from another party.

Also do you have pampas grass in the garden ?

But it’s the expectation of wanting thanks that people don’t agree with. You might have them expectation of setting a precedent but I don’t expect anyone to keep an eye out on my house or car or take in large parcels, that’s my own responsibility. Many people can still be polite without having to be friends. Can’t say in my time as an adult I have done anything of those things apart from taking in the odd parcel. Also I definitely wouldn’t be telling any neighbours when I’m away, you really don’t know who they are and could very well end up robbing you. Not all neighbours are decent human beings. Sure Fred and Rose West neighbours thought they were lovely people until all the bodies were dug up.

Take it you’re an extrovert 😉

I’d move OP. If they are behaving like this over a card who knows what they are capable of.

I have a cupboard with ten or twelve bottles of wine we’ve been gifted over the years. We only drink one particular sort, none of them being it. I minimise my waste footprint so can’t bear to throw them away. I don’t gift or donate them, in case I accidentally return one to its donor or their circle. Their presence worsens my continuing psychological battle with clutter. After many years, I freecycle a caseful. This takes thought and effort I would rather not expend. The card might be only for your benefit, not theirs. Or they might love it. Either way, give and forget unless they respond. Don’t encumber them with obligations.

Yup, agree. It’s their insecurities coming out and has really nothing to do with you as a person.

But you’re the established neighbour. Do the new people really go knocking on doors introducing themselves (regardless of cards). I mean I never have.

It must be quite exhausting having all these unwritten expectations for how other people ought to behave.