To think I’m not in the wrong for being upset?

[TiredOTUS]

My partner went on a work night out last night. He told me this morning that one of his colleagues always makes a beeline for him on nights out and that last night she did the same and came over and sat on his knee and draped herself over him (his words not mine).

I asked what happened and he said they had a short conversation with her sitting on his lap and then he got up. When I asked why he didn’t just either stop her from sitting on him or ask her to get up immediately, he said it wasn’t a big deal, this is what happens on nights out, that he got up as soon as he could so as not to hurt her feelings and that i
me being upset is ‘fucking ridiculous’.

We both used to work together so I am still friends with most of his colleagues (I don’t know this woman) and I think he only
told me because he thought one of them might mention it to me - more in a way of Xyz and ABC were friendly last night - because nobody knows we are together.

AIBU to be upset and think this is not really ok? If he’d stopped her from sitting or asked her to immediately get up, I’d not be upset but it’s the sitting talking to her whilst she is draped over his lap that feels disrespectful.

I agree with other replies. He sounds like a twat. He’s keeping you a secret so he can get her attention - clearly, she thinks he’s single.
He likes making you jealous. What a child.

Just another thread where op vanishes into thin air

No - sorry I am here. I had to go and do something. We agreed to keep it a secret because we worked together. However, I left ages ago so there’s no reason for secrecy. I was actually invited but have broken my leg so couldn’t attend.

Apparently she is married. I asked him if people think he’s single and he reckons he’s never mentioned if he’s single or not.

If he’d not entertained it then I wouldnt be bothered.

Oh come on. You used to work together so it was a secret? Unless you were breaking some sort of rules, why? Workp[lace romances are hardly unheard of. And you have been out of that workplace for how long? Yet he has never ever mentioned his partner? Ever? Even when people know you? Even when the only reason you weren't at the event was because of your broken leg? Were you both going to act like you didn't know each other, had you gone?

None of this makes any sense at all, and whether she is married or not, whether she is flirty or not, those things are still not the point. This is something he says happens every time there is a workplace social, and he doesn't encourage or want it, yet he says nothing and says nothing about you? Pull the other one.

We would have attended as friends. We wouldn’t have pretended we didn’t know each other. I don’t think we were breaking any rules but he was my manager by the time I left which was one of the main reasons why I wanted to leave.

ive told him this morning that he needs to tell people that we are together.

It’s always been him driving the secrecy. We’ve been together over a decade. I had to have a big fight with him years ago to get him to introduce me to his friends.

You've been together a decade?!

Honestly, raise your bar.

We live together and this is the only area we’ve kept secret. Other than having to be firm with him about the friends issue.

Wow. You've been together for over 10 years and people he works with thinks he's single?

Please don't say you have kids too.

OMG OP. Why are you doing this to yourself? Trust me, you don’t want to throw your life away for this scumbag.

He should be proud of you. Seriously, just leave him.

You’ve been together for ten years and it’s still a secret, at his request?

She is the least of your problems

Only at his work. Oh and on Facebook he won’t be my friend.

I’ve met his outside of work friends quite a lot. I’ve met his parents etc. but PP are right, there’s no need for any secrecy now so I’m going to insist on open relationships

Jesus. That's not normal.

A decade! Thought it was a couple of months. Ridiculous to put up with this.

Do you have children?

No - we don’t. He wants them but I don’t.

You don’t have a lap sitter problem, you have a DP problem.

He’s keeping you a secret. Why? There’s more to it than you think.

Doesn’t sound like a man worth having TBH. Throw him back in the pond.

Doesn’t it feel like it’s a dirty little secret? Still though, if he’s considered single, women can sit on his lap anytime, right?

So many red flags here, OP.

Keeping you secret from his work colleagues is weird. So is telling you some woman was all over him on a night out knowing full well it would upset you and then calling you ridiculous for having a completely normal reaction.

Run.

I genuinely think he only told me because he was worried that one of the team would mention it in passing to me.

Very wise not to go down that road with him.

He's not dealt with it with you very well but I can imagine that last night he didn't want to cause a scene with a drunk woman in front of everyone and having worked in bars, I can see his side on that.

However, the way he is making you feel now is most definitely not on.

And after 10 years together, he still feels the need to hide your relationship from work? That's just so bizarre. How long have you not worked together?

Did he make the first move when he was your manager?