on the tube recently people were giving up seats for a mother and a grandfather who in turn let the children sit

[EleanorReally]

surely the kids could have stood, or sat on their laps

i think this is a common scenario now but didnt used to be

I give up my seat for kids, I thought that was the right thing to do??!!
When the trains stop suddenly, the kids cant reach the high up handles to steady themselves.

I would only give up a seat for someone who is disabled (regardless of age), injured, pregnant or elderly. Never for an able bodied child.

Surely this depends on age? I'd expect a 5yo to sit but a 10/12 year old should be stable enough, and at that point should feel some kind of pride in being able to offer their seat to someone.

I find it a bit weird to see 12yos on PT slouching in the chair playing games on their phone...

Depends how old...a small child needs to sit as they get tired and are also more likely to lose balance and fall/whack into something when the train moves.

e: the fact that you said sit on laps points to a small child. YABU.

Maybe the adults in this case found it safer and more comfortable to stand and hold on rather than have a child on their lap. They're not taking up any more seats than if the children were on their laps.

This is rather like Aeasop's fable about the old man, the young boy and the donkey.

You can't please everyone all the time!

Ds is 15 and can’t stand on public transport safely. I would always let him sit before me (he is generally in his wheelchair anyway thankfully)

if I am with younger children I would always let them sit first (two to a seat if possible!) because they are safer sat.

It IS a new thing. When I was a child in the 70s and 80s, adults sat. Children stood unless they were very little or had a physical reason for not standing.

Absolutely. When my kids were little they would sit on my lap. From about 7 onwards they would stand, and give up their seat ti an adult. We really spoil our kids in this culture & then wonder why there is no “respect towards adults”. Another thread was asking whether adult should give uo front passenger seat to child. Hell no - unless sick/long legs - kids don’t yet pay their way and whilst treasured and views respected etc they need to show some courtesy

It’s completely entitled to think you are more deserving of a seat over a child, or any other person when you’re a perfectly able bodied person.
Giving up seats for those who are pregnant or have any sort of ailment that makes you less able to stand is not the same.
There’s no real reason any 40 year old is more deserving of a seat than a 12 year old other than hierarchical entitlement.

But surely in that situation the adult with the child knows their own needs and the child's needs better then you do, so if they'd rather the child sit, that's up to them. They are the one loosing out in the seat. Why do only adults get to be 'weary'?

I remember a visit to London when DD was 5 and I was pregnant (visibly but not heavily or particularly uncomfortable). A lady stood up for us on the tube and I put DD in the seat. The woman looked surprised and it was only then I'd realised she was standing for me not DD, but pregnant or not I was having much less trouble standing for a short journey and securely holding onto something then dd was, and I'd rather stand than have a child on my lap. Her friend then stood too so we both sat but I did wonder if it annoyed her that the 'wrong' person initially! 10 years on and teen dd would rather stand than sit next to a stranger anyway! But at 5, standing on transport is hard!

My son is a fairly small just turned 10 and I'd still rather he sat on public transport than I did, unless I happened to have an injury or something. His legs are still significantly shorter then mine, so more likely to be tired (particularly on a day out in London with lots of walking) and at 5,2 I find it hard work holding onto the straps, so he'd have no chance. Of course I'd make him stand if someone was obviously disabled, elderly or struggling, but I absolutely don't believe he has less right to or need for a seat than an average adult. It's a very old fashioned idea that kids should always be bottom of the pecking order.

i am not saying it is right or wrong, just that attitudes have changed

I'm a young person that sits whilst elderly and kids stand. I have disabilities that are invisible. I shouldn't be judged for sitting, nor should anyone, because you don't know why they're sitting. They could be just as entitled to sit for their health needs.

I think it's quite aggressive asking someone to stand to allow another to sit when you don't know the sitters situation.

However, if I'm with my husband, he will stand to allow anyone that needs a seat to sit.

Yabu. It's safer for kids to sit. Adult are capable of holding on. If wouldn't have a kid over about 4 on my lap as it hurts my stomach (useless bowels and stomach).

I think it's quite aggressive asking someone to stand to allow another to sit when you don't know the sitters situation.

Why is it aggressive to ask "would anyone mind standing for my mother, etc"?

And this is precisely why a general carriage announcement done on behalf of a person in need is better than that person having to ask individuals to move.

My mum wasn't going to ask people to move. She is 84, tiny, stooped, white haired. It was clear she shouldn't have to stand. No doubt a few others in the carriage also needed to sit, but how was Mum meant to know who? Either people should offer or the person in need should be able to approach a conductor or guard who will announce in the relevant carriage that someone needs a seat and is anyone willing to volunteer.

And by the way I don't think there are that many disabilities that aren't actually being in a wheelchair that means that you need a seat more than a frail person in their mid 80s. My DC has an invisible disability and needs a seat more than most 15 year olds - but not more than an 84 year old.

It IS a new thing. When I was a child in the 70s and 80s, adults sat.

The tubes were less busy then & there were definitely fewer things to hold onto, I reckon a lot less dc used them as well back then.

People can do as they wish with their own seats, but i’d be most pissed off if I gave up my seat for an older person and they then gave it to kids. They should have refused my offer of a seat if they weren’t going to use it themselves. I wouldn’t offer my seat to a child!

That simply isn't on. It would have annoyed me too.

This^^

I have to stop my 10yo from trying to use the higher handles on the tube. She can just about reach and she wants to feel grown up, but she then isn't stable and I think she is going to sway into someone.

Little kids should sit if possible imo

i grabbed someone's ski poles trying to get off the tube once, in error!

They should have refused my offer of a seat if they weren’t going to use it themselves.

I think this is the crux of the matter.

I know everyone is jumping down your throat op, but I think you’ve made an accurate observation. I lived in Japan 20 years ago and used to be surprised that children would be in the seats while elderly people stood, and parents wouldn’t be embarrassed and offer their child’s seat to the elderly person - Im not saying it’s right or wrong, it was simply a cultural difference. When my children were small it was the norm in the uk to offer their seat to an elderly person, it was considered good manners. What you are describing does sound like a shift in habits. Again, not saying one way is right and the other is wrong.

Their choice but don't expect that people want to give up a seat for a child capable of standing.
People stop giving up seats this way.