Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Why are you doing it, then? Let him sort it when he gets back, or call him back to sort it. Did you not say when he told you he was taking the kids out "aren't you sorting the bed first?"

These diabetics must sleep FAR more deeply than I ever gave. As I said earlier. If my diabetes isn't well managed (very rare) then it causes me to wake up for a wee in the night, but I have never been remotely close to wetting the bed.

Why isn't the protector over the mattress topper too?

You know, protecting the whole mattress ...

Maybe he’ll apologise profusely and thank you for doing the laundry when he gets back - I’d give him a chance.

If this is a one off, then he still needs to be checked out medically. He could be a secret alcoholic, he could have kidney issues, it could be he onset of diabetes. When he gets back, sit down and discuss the incident.

You sound more upset at being left a load of washing, than having a potentially unwell partner. Or has this happened before?

That is interesting, @Vivienne1000 - I was diagnosed type 2 diabetic in October (I think) last year, so I wonder if that contributed to my previous accidents. Hopefully now my sugars are better controlled, this won’t happen again.

She’s multi tasking though - replying very, very quickly to everyone’s posts, stressy that. On a roll though.

This! He hardly needs to rush to the doctors for a one-off accident. And I’m sure it’s not really ‘that’ embarrassing between people who know each other intimately.

He’s not unwell or incapacitated so should be washing the bedding himself on his day off. Presumably, like a lot of men, he sees OP as the default problem solver (dogsbody)!

No way does a standard washing machine take all that. My kids have single duvets and we can just about fit that in the washing machine.

I do think YABU, and a bit unkind. This is obviously outside of the norm for your husband, I’d assume he felt flustered and embarrassed. In other words, not thinking like he normally would.

If he’s usually not selfish and pulls his weight, could you not just consider this a kind act that you do for someone you love? He may come home embarrassed and thank you for looking after the laundry, are you going to kick off about it?

For context, I had pretty bad morning sickness recently and vomited on the duvet cover - didn’t even have time to roll over to the side of the bed. My partner took over the cleaning and laundry, didn’t make a fuss. I was so grateful and thankful, he was wfh but did it on a break so I could rest. I don’t think it occurred to either of us that I should have asked if he was ok to do so, it doesn’t mean I’m a bit of a shit partner, just that he’s a kind one.

YANBU. I can’t imagine leaving any bodily fluids on the linen and expecting my OH to clean it up - and if I did, I’d be messaging him thanking him profusely.

Its disgusting and any normal person would at least offer to clean it all themselves.

Does he often treat you like the housemaid? YANBU to feel taken advantage of. I agree with some others though, one wet bed doesn’t require a GP visit. If it happens again, maybe though.

I'd be utterly fuming OP, and the washing should have remained in a pile to be dealt with by him. You should have got in the spare bed tonight instead of being his skivvy.

I'd also add that I'm diabetic and I've never wet the bed

He may not feel well , to wet the bed out of the blue may indicate he’s had a seizure he may not realise has happened so not only embarrassed but tired and out of sorts , he may well be worried about the outcome from going to the drs and what might be discussed

ok so not a good enough reason for not discussing who does what but please be aware there may be more behind this than just wetting the bed

putting a puppy pad or kylie under him is a good call until you have more of an idea if this is a one off

rather than get worked up just send him a text saying I’ve done 4 loads of washing while working can you bring home bottle of wine and puppy pads please as I am pissed if you left me with all of this

personally I’d be more worried about about his health and embarrassment and I’d just tell him when he gets home if it happens again he needs to take it all to the laundromat next time

You stated your concern first.

I'd be annoyed not to have been asked to sort out his mess.

It needs to be done before bedtime, why didn't HE start the washing off before he took the kids out? Or not take them out and prioritise making sure he can remake the bed before bedtime. Even if he is embarrassed, he should haved asked.

I totally understand why you're annoyed OP. I'd be furious in your shoes.
I can't believe those disagreeing with you!

I’m just glad my dh is kind to me when something like this happens. And it goes without saying that I would be similarly kind to him, if it happened to him (he has MS), even if my physical limitations made it hard for me.

I'm sorry but youre a better woman than I.

I'd have left it all, messaged him and said " what's YOUR PLAN FOR SORTING THE BEDDING?"

Are you taking it the launderette? are you buying new stuff? What you doing woth it?? How will we sleep tonight? Are we going to a hotel?

I'd not have gone into "solve it Sarah" mode.

Put it back on him.

AND stop ✋️ right now. Stop sorting the mess.

Is it normally a loving relationship or do you just tolerate each other?

This. Is it really that hard to put things in the washing machine and then on the line?

It's not like you've got to go down to the stream with a scrubbing board...

Far too much drama over the thing that doesn't actually matter.

Edit: I've washed our bedding today (not because it got wet). I managed it all on my own in two loads. And I'd have managed if it had been more, as well. Takes all of 5 minutes to put in and put on line for each load.

It could be a prostate issue.

Firstly @WFHbore2023 deepest sympathy on work stituation I’ve been there, found the most frustrating part was my own work piling up whilst I had to half listen to some corporate BS.
Re husband YANBU, he sneaked out whilst speaking in front of your children, making it difficult for you to say something along the lines of he’d need to organise his days activities around getting the washing sorted.
It’s clear you’re worried about his health but on top of that you do need to discuss what he needs to do to better, rather than leaning on you.

Well, it probably doesn't need to be done too often if it's under your mattress topper, I'd probably have a heavier duty one on top if the mattress itself (as you do) but an additional lighter one on top of the topper. (Princess & the pea 🤣🙄).

depends how difficult the topper is to launder as if the directly under the sheet I'd be washing that reasonably frequently.

EDIT: in reply to your 15:50 post, it detached from quoting your pier, don't know why/how??

Also, I've messed the bed in the past when on my period. My DH has just taken the sheets and put them in the washing machine without moaning at me that it's my job.

Has he taken the kids put because he didn't want them to know? He's also leaving the embarrassment behind because it's difficult to process.

I can see why you are annoyed but I can also see why he's doing what he's doing.

And...did he have a seizure?