Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Op said "to", not "too"

This. Apparently, you should just accept that you're a woman and should therefore be OK with doing the washing after a grown man pisses the bed. After all, said man has taken the children for a day out. Know your place, etc.

I do understand washing the duvet though. 15yo DS had enuresis until fairly recently and a full-size or nearly full-size bladder can produce a lot of wee. His duvet often got a bit on it somehow. I know from my work what pissy bedding left to fester smells like.

Never mind who did or didn't do the laundry. This is odd. He probably ought to see his GP and at least get his prostate checked out.

Absolutely 💯 this!

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

The above is from the OP.

maybe it doesn’t feel like we are a team as he didn’t even think it necessary to ask if I would clean up, but instead just assumed.

But, it's just taking things in and out of a machine 4 times, not scrubbing them on a rock. Four loads full of 24 school uniforms including socks would be time consuming, 4 loads with a couple of sheets in, not so much.
I think you are just in a bad mood because he (accidentally) wet the bed.

And made the kids stay home, on the last day of the school holidays. Instead of going to the beach on a lovely day, because Mum who was working at home anyway couldn't be arsed doing some additional laundry??

yeah, that makes sense

🙄🙄🙄

Sorry OP but actually I don’t have any sympathy. You evidently couldn’t tell him he needed to sort it out because of the kids - surely you could have just said, you’ll need to sort the bedding today as I’m working. Then you’ve just done it rather than leaving it. I would have just left it and expected him to take the lead on getting it sort. You’re enabling him by doing it.

i don’t agree with all those posters saying ‘oh dear poor bloke must have been embarrassed, you should suggest the doctors, clearer up etc’. Rubbish this is a grown man who judging by his actions does not see clearing up his own pee as his job.

My husband and I have been together 20 years and we are a team. That doesn't mean, to me, always asking the other person. Rather just getting on with it.

But why didn't you say anything to him either? Did you not think to ask him who he thought was gonna clean the sheets? How odd

While possibly a concern, pissing the bed while feeling fine to go out with no other symptoms is in no way a crisis worthy of offloading any responsibility to offer to help with cleaning it up.

I'm gobsmacked you can get a mattress topper in the machine.

I'd struggle to get mine in the car!

And I've never washed a duvet, ever. I buy cheap ones for around £30 from Dunelm (although the current one came from Lidl) and bin them when they get grim.

So did you mention wetting the bed seemed a bit unusual or not?

You say in front of the children oh I didn’t mean you literally walk out of the door at the end of this sentence kids. I want to chat privately to your dad first, please wait five minutes.

And then, in private, you say to him oh no, are you ok? What do you think this is? Do you have a stomach ache? A headache? Do you feel ill? Shall we call someone?

Why didn’t you do that?
Have you been googling what conditions could cause this symptom?
Are you worried?

I don’t see a problem with one half of a couple washing the urine soaked bedding of the other. What I don’t like is the assumption that the little wifey will do it. OP, if you wet the bed would you and your husband assume that he would do four loads of laundry? No. Neither of you would.

Some chats needed around who is ‘doing’ and who is ‘helping’ I think.

How much effort does it take, really, to wash a set of bedding?

Stick stuff in the machine, wait a few hours, hang it up. Repeat.

I think that's over the top & no healthy young (ish) man is going to wear incontinence undies 'just in case' it should happen again.

so what if the bed stuff needs washing again? It can be done at home & isn't that big a deal.

He’s embarrassed so that means that he can’t clean up his own piss? Ok.

I don’t know why you’re getting a hard time here, he didn’t even put ONE load of washing on before he left the house, just left it for you to clean which is grim.

I used to have horrific nighttime flooding during my periods and it took ages for the doctors to take it seriously 🙄 but every time I made our bed look like an abattoir, I stripped it and did all the washing, sometimes buying new sheets if it was really bad and obviously sorted out mattress protectors etc for the future.

It was a medical issue I couldn’t control, but I never would has assumed someone else would clean up my bodily fluids, I’m not a child 🤷‍♀️

I have been on the other side of this a couple of times - I have woken up and realised I’d wet the bed. Both times dh packed me off to have a shower, comforted me because I was so upset and embarrassed, and then stripped the bed and got everything in the wash. He not only washed it all but got it dried and ironed and remade the bed.

I do have mobility problems - I can’t stand for more than a few minutes or walk far (thanks to long covid and weigh related issues, I’m now disabled), but he never grudges all the things he does to support me and look after me - cooking, dishes, laundry, ironing etc etc.

I hate that this happens to me - even though it is very rare, it is still incredibly embarrassing and distressing.

@WFHbore2023 - I hope your dh appreciates what you have done, doing all this laundry, and maybe you need to have a conversation with him, in private, to say that, while you understand this was not his fault and was embarrassing for him, if it happens again, you’d prefer it if he dealt with the soiled bedding. If he is a reasonable sort of person, he shouldn’t have a problem with it.

FWIW, if dh asked me to clean up after myself if I have another accident, I would do my best, even though it would leave me prostrate with exhaustion.

OP, I think he should have done the laundry himself. Maybe you should have put in first load (duvet) to get the longest drying item out asap. Then said, Over to you, your job…..
if it doesnt get done in a day, you make do with other linen.
He needs to feel “the faff”,
You are not his Mummy

But, it's just taking things in and out of a machine 4 times, not scrubbing them on a rock

If it was that easy then he could have done it, two before going out and two after getting back.

Deprive the kids of a day at the beach, the last day of the school holidays, just to do some laundry the WFH parent could do anyway.

Sounds ridiculous to me

Make sure he gets checked for diabetes. Has he lost weight? Drinking and peeing a lot? This is not normal for a healthy man, unless he had a weird dream….

This thread is killing me, OP is allowed to be annoyed! Who wouldn't be, it's the expectation that you're just going to deal with it, not the fact it's happened.

Some of the responses tho!