Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Duvet would be one load. Sheet, and might as well stick the pillow cases in even if they haven’t been affected, and topper if there’s one should fit in 2nd load I would think. Not sure where four washes would come from though.

Anyway, would cancelling the day out have been an option?

What do you expect on mumsnet?

All men are lazy shits here.

You came on complaining that he wet the bed, woke you so he could strip the bed and then rather than do the washing he took the kids out leaving you to get your work done and do the washing when able. Perhaps he should have stayed to do the washing and let the kids do there own thing with you working in amongst the turmoil. He made a decision and you don't agree with it, complain to him not us. Let him know you're OK with him working in the house while your wfh. Let him sleep in the spare room for a while, until you feel he can be allowed out again.

Bring it to mumsnet and you'll simply be told he's a useless uncaring tosser. If he was sick and not doing his chores he'd still be a useless uncaring tosser. If he'd died though they'd all be saying what a tragic loss for you he was probably a wonderful man.

The day out that was decided on after the fact? Yeah, it could have been adjusted without a problem.

My complaint was that the laundry was left to me without prior discussion.

Did you wash your own sheets, though?

So why winge on mumsnet, complain to him.

You're more likely to get him to change his behaviour by talking to him about it than by posting on mumsnet.

Why didn't you leave it for him to do?
You chose to do the washing you didn't have to touch it. You must have spare bedding to use?
You could have asked him to take them out another day and to stay home to clear up. How do you and your husband communicate?

Well you didn’t put that in your OP! You’re getting a little too tetchy at posters.

No, we’ve only recently changed to superking so I don’t have a spare duvet, mattress topper or protecter.

didn’t want to leave a pile of soiled bedding hanging around, so it was a case of needs must.

didn’t say anything before he left because a) he said about going to the beach in front of the kids and b) it was only after a while that it dawned on me that the assumption was that the mess would be sorted by me.
didn’t want to ring him when he was with the kids to discuss it.
simply decided to vent here.

I’m getting tetchy?? 🤣

also, yes, didn’t out it in op but I have said so since.

Don't let him push you over say something. Be selfish if you have to. Your kids will leave home one day and you won't be an after thought while they explore the world without you. Don't let them run you ragged. When they leave you'll be fucked and stress and they will be fresh. I suppose it's a trait amongst us women we feel guilty or we don't want to be seen as a joy killer. They could have gone out today and you had every right to say "I need help today". You could have all gone out today to the beach.

He has probably carried on as normal because he is mortified and feels too embarrassed to talk about it.... Bed wetting can happen through a range of things, a blocked urinary tractor, a kidney stone , enlarged prostrate. It could be a one off but if it happens again he needs to see his GP.

My God OP you have the patience of a saint. I've read through the thread ( clearly I'm in the minority) and have lost count of the times you had to repeat yourself . Also the considerable number of times you politely responded to questions and comments on things YOU DIDN'T SAY . Extraordinary.

Thank you. I must admit, I only have this patience because the responses are so batshit that all it’s done is reinforce that actually, it’s absolutely fine that I was a bit miffed.
that, and the fact that whilst these strangers are saying more and more outlandish things on here, we’ve had a lovely family day where it’s not been mentioned again because when I nicely pointed out that I felt a bit taken for granted, my partner apologised and that was that.
i do hope that 99% of the commenters on this post aren’t proof readers by trade though.

OP, bugger proof readers, I hope they are never on a Jury 🙄

@LivelyMintViper every time I've had a notification that OP has commented, I've been surprised at how well she's handled herself! It's been exhausting and tedious reading the replies from an outsiders pov. I almost turned notifications off but stayed out of solidarity to op, the utter tripe that's been threw at her is surreal!

@WFHbore2023 glad you had a good day and haven't let any of the lunacy here drag you down. Enjoy your family time and clean bedding 🛏️ I hope DH is fine too and it's just been a random one off incident.

Thank you.

i will make sure he calls the doctors on Monday - our practice has a call back system in place so at the very minimum he’ll get to explain to a gp and see what they think.

God...you don't sound concerned about his health at all....what would you do if he was seriously sick with say, bowel cancer for example....make a post on here saying "partner has shat the bed?"
Seems you made a post to belittle him and to get others to join in which feels quite spiteful on your part.

Oh, I think we’ve already covered this….but once more for those at the back!
if he was ill, or in anyway incapacitated, it goes without saying that I would clean it up without a second thought.
but he’s actually currently not, so I would have quite like to have been asked if I minded taking the reins when it came to cleaning up.

I totally get why you’re annoyed OP. It’s not the fact that it happened, you’re obviously concerned about that, it’s the fact that he’s just assumed you’ll clean up his wee. I can imagine if this was me and my DH in this situation, I would have no problem taking care of the washing if I was WFH rather than expect him to stay home specially to do it. However, I would expect him to ask me. It may not be his fault, but it is absolutely his mess that he made and as an adult he is responsible for cleaning up after himself. Cleaning up someone else’s wee is an unpleasant task and he’s just assumed that you’ll do it without even bothering to check if you mind. Personally I wouldn’t mind in this situation, but I would mind him assuming. It’s not the fact that you’re having to clean up his wee, it’s the fact that he’s assumed. YANBU.

For those at the back !

Classic, love it, OP. 🤗🥰

You're easily pleased, it's not "classic" 🤣 Americans have been saying it on Facebook for years which is clearly where OP copied it from 😅

Isn’t it the fact that it has been around for years, whether on FB or elsewhere, that makes it a classic, @Musclewoman?

I said 'classic' because it is and OP has used it correctly. There are too many people here who are sitting at the back flicking blotting paper blobs at each other without a clue what is going on.