Page 33 | Partner has wet the bed…

WFHbore2023 · 2025-05-30T13:31:47+00:00

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor. woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower. I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding. AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 18:32

@Petitchat I forgot to mention I am also helping him out with his reports. Thats why he bought me steak and goodies.

Speckly · 31/05/2025 18:36

You sound like you’re being a bit unkind and maybe even resentful of something he couldn’t help tbh. He’s probably mortified and doesn’t want converse about it any more than he has to. Is it that hard to put a few washes on for him and just let it go? While I realise it’s not your responsibility, maybe just cut him a bit of slack and be kind.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 18:46

IButtleSir · 31/05/2025 18:16

My WIFE felt plenty towards me while I was pregnant. She definitely didn't give birth to the baby with me though- and she actually has a vagina!

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My partner likes to joke that he gave birth not me I did nothing.

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 18:52

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 12:51

When me and my partner gave birth to our first child I got up out of the bed the midwives had left to attend to another woman giving birth. I needed the toilet and blood was dripping all over the floor. My partner cleaned it up he didn't call the cleaning lady or the midwife he grabbed a bunch of tissues and wiped it up. He didn't even ask for gloves and the hospital is full of gloves.

The washing machine is cleaning the sheets not the op. You might as well compare it to 'I did all the cooking tonight' and all you've done is heat up chicken Kiev and chips in the oven. The oven has done all the work not the person putting it in the oven.

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My partner cleaned it up he didn't call the cleaning lady or the midwife he grabbed a bunch of tissues and wiped it up. He didn't even ask for gloves

You sound so full of admiration for this absolutely normal adult act.

I'd like to bet that if a woman had done this, you wouldn't have given it a second thought?

But because a man managed to clean up a mess, it's soooo very special and spectacular.

And he didn't even use gloves!! Wooow!!

Challenger2A7 · 31/05/2025 18:54

Just be sure it wasn't deliberate. A man, even if you know him well, and love him, can be devious. I say this because many years ago our next door neighbour used to do this, and other things, because he thought his wife was lazy and didn't have enough to do. One of his habits, if all else failed, was to take the contents of the vacuum cleaner bag, and scatter them all over, so she had to do it again.

jjx111 · 31/05/2025 18:55

Me - 55. I wet the bed 2 years ago whilst on holiday. Never happened before, or since fortunately. Still don't understand why it happened. It wasn't even as if I'd been drinking alcohol. I was mortified.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 19:00

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 18:52

My partner cleaned it up he didn't call the cleaning lady or the midwife he grabbed a bunch of tissues and wiped it up. He didn't even ask for gloves

You sound so full of admiration for this absolutely normal adult act.

I'd like to bet that if a woman had done this, you wouldn't have given it a second thought?

But because a man managed to clean up a mess, it's soooo very special and spectacular.

And he didn't even use gloves!! Wooow!!

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You really are prejudice. Not everyone (men and women) is properly home trained. Everyone's different there are some people out there living rough and they don't care.

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 19:02

Speckly · 31/05/2025 18:36

You sound like you’re being a bit unkind and maybe even resentful of something he couldn’t help tbh. He’s probably mortified and doesn’t want converse about it any more than he has to. Is it that hard to put a few washes on for him and just let it go? While I realise it’s not your responsibility, maybe just cut him a bit of slack and be kind.

Couldn't HE be kind and pop the first wash in?
Then discuss with OP whether she feels ok about doing the rest herself?

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 19:05

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 19:00

You really are prejudice. Not everyone (men and women) is properly home trained. Everyone's different there are some people out there living rough and they don't care.

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A grown adult doesn't need to be home trained to just clean up a mess.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 31/05/2025 19:07

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 19:05

A grown adult doesn't need to be home trained to just clean up a mess.

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You would be very surprised some people don't see the mess. They walk past it.

MSport · 31/05/2025 19:09

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 14:41

we discussed that he needs to see a doctor this morning, and I have been very understanding to him.

i’m just sat here now, after spending my lunch break trying to find space to dry everything feeling a bit miffed that this has fallen to me without so much as a second being taken to ask if I’m alright to.

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For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Ring any bells? The man is obviously ill to do something like that. He needs to speak to his doctor immediately. YABU.

4kids3pets · 31/05/2025 19:14

How you ended up with 4 loads of washing I don't get lol bit hey it's a normal day for me and this recently happened with my father as he mumbled to me where's the fresh bedding...he was mortified never happened before, doesn't drink or anything related..It's very different for a man than a woman having an accident..Anyhow next day he went drs and was a water infection

ilovemyskunks · 31/05/2025 19:30

I think you are being a bit harsh, its not like you are washing it by hand!

rwalker · 31/05/2025 19:32

4kids3pets · 31/05/2025 19:14

How you ended up with 4 loads of washing I don't get lol bit hey it's a normal day for me and this recently happened with my father as he mumbled to me where's the fresh bedding...he was mortified never happened before, doesn't drink or anything related..It's very different for a man than a woman having an accident..Anyhow next day he went drs and was a water infection

4 loads my guess is 2 of those loads would be a single item such as quilt or mattress topper
I get there’s a big amount of of work with a couple of loads of washing where there’s loads of items socks and underwear
but washing. A quilt isn’t labour intensive

pollymere · 31/05/2025 19:40

I'd be wanting to check he didn't have a seizure or something. I'm someone who has very lucid dreams and I've come very close to wetting the bed because I think I've woken up and am on the toilet. It hasn't happened yet as I've always woken up and rushed to the bathroom!

I think you need a chat as to why it happened and maybe get him checked out or an EEG just to ensure it wasn't caused by a seizure.

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 19:44

rwalker · 31/05/2025 19:32

4 loads my guess is 2 of those loads would be a single item such as quilt or mattress topper
I get there’s a big amount of of work with a couple of loads of washing where there’s loads of items socks and underwear
but washing. A quilt isn’t labour intensive

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So he could have done the easy quilt before he went out. Then asked OP if she was ok with doing the rest?

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 20:12

With so much compassion and understanding being shown he'll be better off in the spare room. I suspect he was glad to get out of the house and worried about going home.

GoldenGail · 31/05/2025 20:13

Shellianotwheels · 30/05/2025 14:47

Why couldn’t he sort out the wet bed himself and you take the kids out?

Because she was working all day!!!

Petitchat · 31/05/2025 20:21

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2025 20:12

With so much compassion and understanding being shown he'll be better off in the spare room. I suspect he was glad to get out of the house and worried about going home.

I'll bet he WAS glad to get out of the house and out of doing his washing.

goddessofplenty · 31/05/2025 20:27

er, YANBU - grown ass man needs to sort his own messes out and deal with his feelings in a grown up way like the rest of us.

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 31/05/2025 20:28

cinnamongirl123 · 31/05/2025 18:27

OP how was he supposed to do 4 loads of laundry while taking the kids to the beach? You’d have had him and the kids in the house all day while you’re working. I think what he did was the much better option overall.
Perhaps your anger is coming from something else, because in this circumstance it feels very unjustified. He was, as you acknowledged, embarrassed; you’re home so it’s easier for you to put laundry in / take it out than for him, as he’s out with the kids. I would not feel such anger - I’d feel compassion and would try to sort it as inconspicuously as possible to alleviate embarrassment. This has happened to me, one time DH and another a good friend of ours - both times through drinking - and I just act as I would hope someone would act if I were the one in that situation - with compassion and empathy.

you would not feel such anger?

where is this anger that people keep referring to? Because I’ve not once said I’m angry.

i’m actually pretty sure that I’ve received more anger and unpleasantness - including name calling - from some of the people that have commented on this post than my partner has had from me, so I’m not sure why everyone is so up in arms demanding that I show kindness and compassion when there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that I’ve shown him anything but!

OP posts:

Iceboy80 · 31/05/2025 20:40

You seriously need to get a grip, glad I haven't got a woman to rely on like you. I did it as well funnily enough also for the first time at about 40 to 42 and is was as simple as having a dream and thinking I was in the toilet, that simple, it was the first time and haven't done it since, a one off, no drink involved.

BunnyLake · 31/05/2025 20:41

WFHbore2023 · 31/05/2025 20:28

you would not feel such anger?

where is this anger that people keep referring to? Because I’ve not once said I’m angry.

i’m actually pretty sure that I’ve received more anger and unpleasantness - including name calling - from some of the people that have commented on this post than my partner has had from me, so I’m not sure why everyone is so up in arms demanding that I show kindness and compassion when there is absolutely no evidence to suggest that I’ve shown him anything but!

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You kinda sound angry here 😆

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 31/05/2025 20:43

BunnyLake · 31/05/2025 20:41

You kinda sound angry here 😆

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Well, they do say that reading can be subjective, don’t they?

OP posts:

grumpygrape · 31/05/2025 20:43

Iceboy80 · 31/05/2025 20:40

You seriously need to get a grip, glad I haven't got a woman to rely on like you. I did it as well funnily enough also for the first time at about 40 to 42 and is was as simple as having a dream and thinking I was in the toilet, that simple, it was the first time and haven't done it since, a one off, no drink involved.

Yeah, but who did the laundry ?