Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Lying about what? That I don’t do my own washing? That I am witness to things far more horrible than washing your husbands dirty sheets? That men do far more hideous things than not ask his wife if she is ok with said washing?

ok love. You live in your suburban paradise far from real problems and continue to tell women online that they deserve better.

Sorry I got you mixed up with another poster with a similar posting style 🙄

I'm glad you've admitted some of your posts have been bollocks btw. I had been genuinely concerned at a few points that you were having a bit of a, umm, tough time mentally 😬

The op should care more about her husband's health than venting to a bunch of strangers about putting on a load of washing. She knew he was taking the children out would she rather disappoint them as well. She didn't stop them from going.

She just wanted some acknowledgement that she was being left with a big laundry task to do. A word of recognition and thanks. That’s all. Is that really hard to understand? She has expressed concern about his health. Many women get taken for granted by their partners. They are right to challenge this.

She did say that she was laughing. It was not clear why though.

Why didn't you do that in the first place?
I think you should look into assertiveness courses. I wouldn't have waited so long to say something I would say how I feel.

The op wound herself up all day yesterday until he got home. She should have spoken to him about his attitude before he left or on the phone while he was out. Many women wouldn't wait. I wonder if he brought home dinner for her to eat?

It's curious that women are the ones who juggle looking after the kids and household chores though, isn't it. It seems men get a pass from having to manage doing both.

Many women on MN have very low standards and a low bar as to what they expect from men. It never ceases to amaze me. Threads like this def make me appreciate my own marriage.

I do think he could have got her a gesture of appreciation (and apology).

I’ve already explained that.

The language the OP uses (ie/“helping” her change the sheets) and her later description of him only doing stuff with the DC and not seemingly doing much housework suggests there’s a dynamic where OP does the bulk of the housework usually, including laundry.

If that is the case, he probably didn’t give it a second thought, because OP always does it.

I could well imagine overlooking something if it’s a job that my DP usually does.

And OP had already got stuck in, helping him strip the bed. It’s not a stretch for him to expect her to put it all in the machine, because it sounds like she always does the laundry.

I don’t think sticking dirty duvet/linen on the machine is a big deal and I’d do it for my DP without him needing to ask. But the difference is my DP would also do it for me.

That’s the issue here. I think it’s less about today specifically and more about the fact that OP seems to be picking up the bulk of the housework, plus working.

You could be very well be venting but you sound like you don’t like him that much to be fair

Do you and your partner share a vagina?! That's incredible! You should make a documentary!

The washing wouldn't bother me. If he didn't bring me back any dinner then I would be pissed.

You know what they call it sympathy pains didn't your husband feel anything towards you when you was pregnant.

As I said yesterday, @Petitchat, this has happened to me, so I have the experience to tell you that it isn’t just a case of changing your pjs - you are still wet with your own urine, and it makes much more sense to have a shower and get clean before putting on clean clothes/pjs.

And when it happened to me, my dh stripped the bed, did all the washing and ironing and remade the bed for us - partly because I have mobility problems and would struggle to do these jobs, but partly because he cares for me, knows I was upset by what had happened, and wanted to help me feel better. I know I apologised many times, and cried, and thanked him over and over, so hopefully he didn’t feel taken for granted, as @WFHbore2023 rightfully does.

Reading comprehension is clearly not your strong suit. OP’s complaint is about her DO making the default assumption that the laundry would be done by her.

Another one completely missing the point.
OP, you're very patient 😁

Still not getting it...

😂😂😂 just nearly choked on my cuppa seeing that!

My WIFE felt plenty towards me while I was pregnant. She definitely didn't give birth to the baby with me though- and she actually has a vagina!

Words are cheap did he buy her any dinner on the way home while he was out eating with the children?
Did he buy her chocolates?
My partner wound me up today you know what he bought me steak for dinner and goodies for us all to eat. I hate it when people talk and grovel do it. We all have accidents or make mistakes don't apologise like you're a child do something. He'll forget tomorrow and do it again and then like a little boy he will need to apologise. Op shouldn't settle for words she wants action. Buy her chocolates, bring back a takeaway so she doesn't have to cook especially after all the washing and work she had to do. Has he done that some people don't know where the bar should be raised.

I think the chap must be embarrassed and trying to avoid all of it. Happens more often than most people think.
could be down to a acute or sudden issue like uti, or things like diabetes, muscle strain, over/underactive bladder, stress…

I would be annoyed to be left with the whole thing to sort, but I think, he’s just mortified

OP how was he supposed to do 4 loads of laundry while taking the kids to the beach? You’d have had him and the kids in the house all day while you’re working. I think what he did was the much better option overall.
Perhaps your anger is coming from something else, because in this circumstance it feels very unjustified. He was, as you acknowledged, embarrassed; you’re home so it’s easier for you to put laundry in / take it out than for him, as he’s out with the kids. I would not feel such anger - I’d feel compassion and would try to sort it as inconspicuously as possible to alleviate embarrassment. This has happened to me, one time DH and another a good friend of ours - both times through drinking - and I just act as I would hope someone would act if I were the one in that situation - with compassion and empathy.

I’m more concerned about your lack of compassion towards him poor guy is probably mortified; he most likely wanted to crawl between the floor boards knowing you were itching to give him a bollocking.
Try being nicer & wait until the kids are in bed & ask if anything worrying him; job finances HEALTH then take it calmly from there but be nice