Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

How is ‘pissy sheets’ a venomous term? What do you want me to call them and why so coy?

I have no qualms about helping someone when they’re ill. When my sister fainted in the bathroom due to Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, I cleaned her blood from the floor without a second thought, because she was in need.

A grown, healthy man is capable of changing his own sheets. Saying that does not mean I feel venom or disgust to my husband, just that I treat him like a capable adult.

He usually pisses the bed does he?
From what I read in the op its never happened before. He wasn't drinking any alcohol so it is something to worry about and should be checked. Giving birth to your first child is a happy and wonderful experience. Pissing the bed for no reason is a worrying and could be potentially life threatening. My son's piano teacher died from prostate cancer. My partner's brother had prostate cancer and was lucky they caught it early. This thread has got to be bogus.

In the op she said he woke her up to help him change the sheets because he had an accident. Should she have disappeared to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.

It doesn’t matter if he hasn’t pissed the bed before. Presumably he knows how to put on a wash. He was well enough to jump in the shower and go out for the day.

He needed her to get out of bed. Yes, he should be able to crack on with stripping the ned and putting on a wash.

I can’t believe the reaction the OP is getting. I just read it as her being somebody who didn’t want to be taken for granted. She just wanted some acknowledgement of the extra amount of laundry she would now be left to do. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. He just assumed she was sorting it all. I would find that irritating as hell.

The kids are on school holidays it was probably a planned day out. They may have left early. The op would have been left to empty the washing machine.

At last another poster who has read and understood.
Why are so few people here able to do that ?

I can't take you serious anymore. You won't get another response from me to you.

Thought you said he was ill?

None of that stops him putting on a wash.

And leaving her to get on with the kids while he sorts out the washing and drying. Sort of load that's best dealt with at a laundrette.

He'd be best in the spare room until its sorted or he risks incurring her rath. She's obviously more than a little annoyed by the situation.

Mumsnet is the home of the transactional relationship, never do anything for your partner unless they do something in return for you.

Mumsnet is the home of the transactional relationship, never do anything for your partner unless they do something in return for you.

And the home of woman who seem to think the best way to get equality in their marriages is to demand and fight for it.

The op and her husband has already spoken about getting a doctor's appointment. The ops husband has never done it before so it is something to be concerned about. It shouldn't be spoken about in front of the children in case they get worried and ask questions. It would probably ruin their day.

Have a conversation tonight when the kids are in bed? If he hadn't taken the kids, would they all have been at home while he did multiple wash loads? And explained to them? I realise it's annoying.

What has that got to do with OP's issue? Her husband could perfectly well have had a quick chat with her about washing the bedding without discussing the reason. Or he could have said something when the children weren't in earshot. Or sent a text.

OK, you're incontinent which must be horrible. I hope the reason is not too serious and I hope it's fixable. If not, then you have my sympathy. Presumably, this is familiar territory to you, you know the reason and you have developed a way of dealing with it.

If it's a one-off, out of the blue thing with no obvious reason, (but several potentially sinister ones) then I suspect it is very frightening.

This is a typical response that defines a certain part of Mumsnet that I think of as the 'I cut my DH's head off and now he won't get up for the late night feeds' thread where there's a predictable drone of, 'Lazy bastard.'

Most people are more empathic, but some, sadly, are not.

Quite. Some of the posts you’re having to contend with here are mental.

Well, I dunno about you, but the bodily fluid exchanged with consent during mutual sex and a full bladder full of piss in my bed, which he doesn't even mention the clean-up of are quite different things.

But then, maybe your sex life looks VERY different to mine.

That's a terrible argument. Her husband could be ill and that's all she cares about.

I'm not sure if you are agreeing with me of not.

OP has clearly said she is concerned about his health and wants him to see the GP.

All she wanted was recognition it wasn't her sole responsibility to do the clean up by him asking her if she was OK to do it.

Talking about the incident in front of the children was never an issue.

So you help him, while he quite literally pisses on you, doesn't apologise and leaves you to clean up the mess too?

Your relationship isn't aspirational, is it?

This is not about one set of soiled bed sheets.
There is underlying resentment which the OP has admitted to. In a healthy relationship it is not feasible that this once off episode warrants a MN feed of this proportion.
This is more likely to do with toxic score keeping which turns the relationship into a ledger of grievances rather than a team effort. This only becomes a problem when the ledger is unbalanced. Women are so afraid and almost hypervigilant about falling back into old ways and traditional gender stereotypes that this leaves little room for a bit of kindness and just doing something without it becoming another score on someone’s scorecard.

Please, do point me in the direction where I said that’s all I care about? Because I can point you in the direction where I said his health was the main concern

No. He is not pissing (god i hate that word) on me while i help him. That is a bit of a stretch of the imagination and catastrophising the situation.

He has had an accident, is probably mortified, has stripped the bed with you and all you have to do is put it in the washing machine. This is not a big deal.

Jesus wept this thread is getting stupid.

OP please ignore the hate, it's perfectly reasonable to expect your husband to at least ask you to help clean his mess up, rather than for it to be expected. Just ignore these silly twats that think him pissing all over your shared bed is compatible with giving birth, because they're weird.