Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Again, if you need to exaggerate to make a point, then you probably don’t have a point.

nowhere have I suggested I’d like him to grovel

if I had an accident of any sort and needed him to deal with the mess I would simply say ‘would you mind doing that for me? Thanks’

Oh my God OP I've no idea why you're getting a hard time on here (well I do - internalised misogyny - but hey)

The reason someone would help their partner when they've been sick and made some kind of a mess is because their partner is temporarily disabled by illness.

That's not the case here so...

Are you actually ok?? 🤣🤣

God I love AIBU (which for those who don’t know is an acronym for Am I Being Unreasonable)…

So OP you come on here to essentially ask AIBU? But you cannot accept that some people think YABU…

So what is it that you are asking? Are you angry that there are so many women who would just help their husband out without the drama???

Probably not. She may not have wanted to embarrass him so came on mumsnet to complain to all and sundry about him.

What should he have done...
Gathered all the soiled bedding and gone to a laundrette
Let OP get on with her work keeping an eye on the kids (this is when she tells us the youngest is 18)
It may be sometime before he gets to see a doctor sounds like a good idea for you to send him to the spare room.

When we started dating I stopped with my now DH in the spare room and had bad bleed. He simply changed the bedding (putting down a towel just incase) while I sorted myself out.

Later after we married I was ill and I spent time at home wetting the bed, messing, it was so embarrassing I was in tears. Again he simply lifted me through to the bathroom and cleaned me up then changed the bedding. Sometimes two or three times a day. It was as far as he was concerned something we did for each other

You unpleasant person

My favourite bit about that post was that it had been almost 2 hours since I’d last engaged…so all signs already pointed to yes, I had gotten bored of it.

You're not expecting too much.

Without a doubt, he wouldn’t even think to do it. He’d assume I would.

There's your problem, I suspect, and it's not small one even if he never gets the bed again. Ask him to explain why he handled this the way he did, and if it does turn out that he thinks that his time is more important that yours (and even worse, that his leisure time is more important than your work time), tell him that attitude disappears today.

So why couldn't the person who pissed the bed get the washing machine working?

All you did was put bedding in the washing machine. It's not an arduous task. What has he done for you that you could have done yourself?

But you’ve already said that you do the laundry. So why does he need to ‘ask’ you to do it? Oh wait… because he wet the sheets and you are incensed that you have to what? Touch it? Smell it? Come on. Just do the laundry.

You do get that her DH didn’t give birth to a baby, right? That he just pissed himself?

IF your life partner creates a biohazard mess (for this OP it was wetting himself, for another poster on here a few weeks ago, it was her husband shitting the bed) AND then leaves it for the woman to clean up, I'd say that it isn't a particularly good relationship.

Can you imagine any woman doing this? Pissing the bed and then just going off in the morning without even referencing how the cleanup was going to happen? Of course not. Any woman would strip the bed. Put the first load in. Apologise and ask if possible, if he could hang that load out when it finished and put the next one in. With a kiss and another apology. Certainly not even ASKING if it was OK to get some help (or in this case, just to do it all).

He was really rude and selfish. Not the wetting himself. Total accident. But treating his life partner like a servant. NOT ON.

A biohazard mess 😂😂😂

God you women have terrible lives with terrible men! Run run run! 😂😂😂

It's the technical term when a bodily fluid is involved. It wasn't a couple of drips on the loo seat, it soaked all of the bedding.

She said she did all the laundry during half term. That doesn’t mean all laundry is her job, especially when he has drenched the duvet and sheets in his smelly piss. Any decent human would clean their own piss up.

And where do you draw the line? Is she also to be responsible for getting shit stains out of his pants?

Are you not a woman, then? Why am I not surprised.

Can you imagine any woman doing this? Pissing the bed and then just going off in the morning without even referencing how the cleanup was going to happen?

@TheAmusedQuail has it.

God forbid 😂

How do you people exchange other bodily fluids with your husbands if you are so clinical about his urine which doesn’t even have to touch you?

I would take exception if this was a repeat offence. It was a once off. Total total total over reaction.

So let’s say the division of household chores leave me with the cleaning of the floors.
one day he walks through the house with muddy boots on. Does he just get to leave it there, waiting for me to clean it? Or should he sort out the mess he made himself?
and what if he usually cleans the toilet? I get a dodgy tummy and leave a mess that isn’t sorted with a flush. Do I just leave it? Because that’s his job, yeah?

I am very definitely a women. I’m just not hell bent on making my husband feel like shit. I actually value him and want to help him (gasp!).

Has your husband booked an appointment to see his doctor?

But he has only done this once? Ie wet the bed…

So you are definitely right… go off on an internet rant. Ask people if you are being unreasonable and then absolutely go off at the people who don’t agree with you😂😂😂

hysterical

Didn't the mattress get soaked? That would be bothering me much more than washing the bedding.

But why do you need to help him by wanting to clean his pissy sheets? What do you get out of it?

I love my husband and he would not ask me to do this, he would just get on with it himself. And he is much faster at putting a duvet cover on a duvet than me. Why do you infantilise men to the point you become their mother?