Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

I know it’s absolutely absurd. Hope she talks to her partner about this when he gets back.

DH is the one who was pissing, not OP.

No one should have to clean a capable adult’s pissy sheets.

Seems to me it all comes down to a little consideration. If you have pissed the bed then you clean up after yourself and you don't assume without any negotiation that your partner will sort it. Sure, they'll probably help but you don't get to just swan off to the beach without a thought for the person left clearing up. It's basic manners, you check the other person is alright to take care of a problem you created. Isn't that the main point of the OP?

Oh cmon I don’t understand what you’re pissed about?. He probably didn’t want to discuss with the kids around. Maybe he went to buy bedding?

Are you OK? Your posts seem to go off on a wild tangent. Rushing garbled thoughts type thing. Maybe a cup of sweet tea and something to eat may help?

It seems to me that you have taken it upon yourself to do the washing? Or did he ask you to do it while went out?

If you’re working how do you have the time to also do the multiple washing?

OP doesn’t talk to her partner about these things. She ‘pulls him up’ on things so I’m sure he knows exactly what a rude disrespectful human he is.

Nope! He should def have done washing himself.
I would make it clear that, while you sympathise, he will be responsible for washing etc should this happen again.

apparently he just didn’t think about the washing, so that’s something I’ll be taking a different approach with further down the line - I can see that he needs reminding that any task shouldn’t just fall on me without a conversation first, which is the same common courtesy I show him

That’s a piss poor excuse (pun unintended). OP what did you say when he said he “didn’t think” about washing his urine soaked sheets?! Do you think if he lived alone he just would’ve went out without thinking about them? Honestly at the very least he could’ve asked if you were happy to sort it out. Just wandering out with the kids without addressing the bed issue was rude.

He did think about it. He knew you would do it!

When me and my partner gave birth to our first child I got up out of the bed the midwives had left to attend to another woman giving birth. I needed the toilet and blood was dripping all over the floor. My partner cleaned it up he didn't call the cleaning lady or the midwife he grabbed a bunch of tissues and wiped it up. He didn't even ask for gloves and the hospital is full of gloves.

The washing machine is cleaning the sheets not the op. You might as well compare it to 'I did all the cooking tonight' and all you've done is heat up chicken Kiev and chips in the oven. The oven has done all the work not the person putting it in the oven.

Ah see, my partner hadn’t just given birth, and he wasn’t incapacitated in any other way, so it’s not really the same, is it?

You just gave birth and you left to go the toilet.

Massively different situation from this man who wasn’t recovering from pregnancy or a major operation or anything and he left not just to go the toilet but for a whole day.

Surely you can see there’s no comparison?

No nerves hit thanks, glad you’re ok

What does that have to do with anything I said. Is your husband/boyfriend well today?

It sounds as if you usually do the laundry in your home OP. Even the language you used in your opening post “he helped me strip the bed” suggests that it’s seen as “your” chore.

With that dynamic, it’s hardly surprising he didn’t think to do the laundry.

All of that aside though I don’t think I’d have been massively bothered. The bed was already stripped so it was just a case of putting a few large items in the machine and hanging them up.

I absolutely would have left them to one side though and got him to remake the bed. I know you say you wanted to be able to get into bed but he wasn’t back so late that he couldn’t do it first.

I see from your later posts that his idea of helping is mainly just looking after the DC so maybe there’s an underlying issue around the split of chores?

But on the face of it, I really couldn’t get upset about putting on a couple of loads of washing when I’m at home anyway. I will naturally pick up things that need doing without being asked and DP will do the same. In our home it doesn’t need big conversations, so I’m struggling a bit with the idea that a fairly minimal task is such a big deal.

He does need to get his arse to the GP though or else there’s going to Duvetgate #2.

Yes you are unreasonable

What do you want him to do?? Ring your work and say you can't come in as he pissed the bed ?? Allow the kids to see what happened or answer awkward questions??
If your working at home and your able to just plonk things in a washer just don't and stop moaning and Grow up and get on with it he's probably really embarrassed and really worried. Stop slating him on the internet and be a decent wife and support him

I think you need to be blunt with him @WFHbore2023

If you piss yourself again you need to clean up your own mess. I am not your servant. Treat me like one at your peril.

Why would he have to ring MY work and say that I couldn’t go in??
I was perfectly fine to work.

Typical response we both had a baby and he supported me right the way through. I would do the same for him we support each other. Wouldn't you do the same?

What a wonderful way to talk to your life partner.

If this is anyone’s idea of how to get the most out of a relationship then you are better off single.

PS from the sounds of it. OP will pull him up on his bad behavior.

Why on earth are you comparing your partner helping you through labour with what happened with mine yesterday?
they are not the same thing.
my partner supported me through labour, as I had just given birth and was unable to physically do things myself. Just like when my partner is physically unable to do things himself I am happy to step up. That’s completely normal.
its also very different from what happened yesterday, so it really will do no good to keep comparing apples with oranges, will it?

What would happen if you had a menstrual blood leak on the bed sheets and it was his turn to do the linen. Would you have to grovel to ask him please?

What is there to take on board?

Some posters think he should have checked OP was ok doing the washing.
Some posters think it was fine to just leave her to it.

What should she take on board?