Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Why would it save more embarrassment? If I had wet the bed, I'd be quite a lot more embarrassed about someone else doing all the clean up than I would be doing it myself.

God OP aren't you bored by now? What more is there to argue and complain about, we get it... he assumed youd deal with it and you didn't like that!

I've just read through all your posts and it's just bickering comments for the sake of bickering comments.

You're taking nothing on board, so what's the point in still going on and on?

Poor man???

Does embarrassment prevent a person from cleaning up their own piss? He’s not a sick child requiring care, he’s an adult who ought to deal with his own mess.

Explain to me why a female ought to be left with stinky sheets, just because she happens to be a woman?

You’ve really irritated me with your misogynistic suggestion that women ought to be some kind of all suffering caregiver when it hasn’t even been established that this bloke has anything wrong with him beyond an inability to take himself to the toilet 🤯

Ooh yes I agree, but I would rip the bed clothes off to get rid of the evidence as quickly as possible for anyone, including myself, not everyone is the same however. I also wouldn’t class this in the same situation as leaving dirty socks or pants on the floor (I would never consider picking dirty laundry up for somebody because they’re too lazy to it themselves), this would feel like a different and worrying, nevermind embarrassing situation to me, I’m just talking from my own point of view however, if OP feels pissed off then that’s what she feels.

Poor person, maybe it's stress or illness that has caused this. He's probably mortified. I don't get the big deal about chucking some washing loads on tbh. I'd be more worried about my partner.

The way you worded it is odd. ‘he helped me strip the bed’. Shouldn’t he at least strip the bed by himself or possibly you help him?

Aren’t you bored yet? Yet here you are, still commenting on this thread. Why on earth would she take on board comments that she disagrees with? 😂

Hmmm - I’d definitely call the Dr if I wet the bed… wouldn’t you? Given I’ve not done it in living memory and I’m 40-something, feels like something to be concerned about.

you sound like a ball buster, feel sorry for your husband

There was a similar thread but the OP there wasn’t living with the man, he was a newish boyfriend.

Yes he is being very thoughtless and probably embarrassed. Why dont you sleep in spare bed tonight and let him make up the bed. Or tell him to make up the bed (especially if he has not made doctors appointment).

Please give him some slack. He must be mortified. More importantly, there may be a serious underlying issue to this. I know it's horrid having to do so much laundry, but try to be understanding.

Because sometimes, it's good to take on board feedback (especially in overwhelming volumes) and change your viewpoint.

Or he could try to wash his own pissy bedding instead of leaving it to mummy.

Well if Jesus did that there wouldn’t be Christianity, so you’re wrong there. Peer pressure isn’t a good thing 🙄

@justasking111 I have this waterproof mattress protector - you can use without a sheet / topper and it doesn't rustle, although I prefer to put a sheet over mine.

DD once knocked a pint of water out of my hands onto the bed and none got through.

www.hippychick.com/shop/waterproof-mattress-protector-fitted-cotton/?srsltid=AfmBOoozat5lU44Tj0fiEyg1NCCYzI7AvsZTZ9F3EiqoOxxbadRWS6kF

ah yes. one of those tasks that fall to women because they are so easy. But conversely too hard for men to do.

I can't imagine leaving my wet bedclothes for dh to wash. And I imagine not many posters here would do the same to their husbands. But it is all different when it is a wife.

I hope your dh is ok - good idea to see a doctor.

I'd be far more embarrassed letting my partner deal with the wet bedding than having the accident in the first place! I can see why you're annoyed, if he had to take the kids out, at the very least, he could have asked whether you thought he should buy some spare bedding so the bed would be ready for tonight.

I’m surprised how many people think you should be ‘understanding’ by dealing with the bed for him. You can be understanding and supportive without being expected to clean up after him. He’s a capable adult who should change his own mess! Would do may have this opinion of it were a man posting about his wife leaving her pissy bedding for him to deal with? How many of us would be happy to leave our pissy bedding for a spouse to sort if we were able bodied no matter how embarrassed we were?

op if he’s ordinarily fair and respectful then I’d let this slide. Assume he was just too embarrassed to tackle it and hadn’t thought it through to realise that means you would have to do it. If this is part of a larger pattern of behaviour where you are frequently left to clear up after him then I’d be addressing that habit using less embarrassing examples

as is needing to pee in the night

He could clean up his own piss stained bedding....

I think you're horribly shallow. More worried about 'the bedding' 'the washing machine ' etc etc than your DH.

It's wee for fucks sake. It's not wonderful, but it's not earth shattering either. The poor sod will feel mortified, probably hence why he's kept out of your way.

It's not like he did it on purpose.

I'm really quite horrified by your shallow attitude. I hope your poor DH is ok.

I wish I could! I wanted to see it myself but I can’t find it. Sorry.

I'd be far more concerned about what is wrong with him to be worried about the mess, assuming he is anotherwise ok husband/father. If this is not his usual behaviour, he may have been very embarrassed or worried himself and just tried to get away. This is absolutely NOT normal, he needs a medical evaluation immediately.

She is plenty concerned about her DH. She said in her OP that they agreed he should go to the doctor. She was nice to him after this happened.

Is it only for women that "concern" translates into " you are now responsible for washing and drying four loads of laundry and dh gets a pass because ... man?"

I love the idea that you are shallow if you don't want to do the laundry for your husband.