Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

As a side note, if you ring the GP after wetting the bed once and you're otherwise healthy, they will not care

Bed wetting can happen to anyone and he clearly feels embarrassed.
That said, I would feel peeved if it was assumed that I was going to deal with aftermath without discussion

It's relevant because incontinence was one of the first signs. He lasted 8 months after that.

"I never said asking her to do the washing stopped him taking the kids out?!?"

You literally said "i wouldn't want to stop him & the kids having a day out at the beach, just to stay home to do some laundry I could easily do whilst stuck at home working abreast." Not sure what 'abreast' means in this context but you, like the DH, clearly think its a case of either 'take the kids out' OR 'do the laundry' but you haven't explained why he couldn't do both. He didn't HAVE to do a big trip to the beach or go out all day.

OP has explained she's had to do several loads, which he would have known, even if she had put the first lot on, he could have taken that out, put it to dry and put the second lot on before leaving the house.

Again, if it's such a "non-issue" for her to do all the washing as well as doing something else that day (working), why is it not even less of a non-issue for him to do at least part of the washing as well as doing something else that day (taking the kids out)?

Plus, as OP has explained multiple times, it's not even doing the laundry that is annoying her the most but the fact he just walked out and assumed she would handle it. So your "I wouldn't want to stop him and the kids having a day out at the beach" is irrelevant, because that's not even the crux of what she's annoyed about. Having the decency to ask OP if she could do the washing wouldn't have any impact on the day out. Again, he could do both.

Your "logic" doesn't make sense...it's either a non-issue for both parties or for neither,

and I'm not 'making crap up' if I can directly quote from your post....

Can't imagine any man saying this if their wife left them to sort out their wee'd on bed and bedding. They'd expect her to sort their mess out!

I wouldn't be deeply pissed off. Why on earth didn't you call him to come back and sort out his mess??? You're working!

I think you’re being a bit dramatic. You should be more concerned about his health! Putting washing inside a machine and pressing a button is no biggie. I mean I’d feel differently if he shit the bed!

It it's no biggie, why couldn't he do it as the person who wasn't working that day rather than leave it to the person who was?

Haven't you read the OP'S posts properly either?
They discussed his health and agreed that he should see his GP.

If doing the washing is "no biggie" why didn't he hang around a bit, do some himself then go out later?

I’m still struggling to see how that is relevant to the nasty comments you made to Op?

I don’t want to alarm you and it’s probably something minor but this was what happened which prompted my husband to go to the doctors. He has his psa levels checked and was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Thankfully caught early and all fine now, but if it’s out of character and he hadn’t been drinking etc, he is wise to get himself checked out . Hope all is ok when he does.

It seems like spouses are left to drown in yours. Maybe you just lack care and empathy for others. Or maybe you're projecting because nobody cares enough about you to help you.

When my husband's stoma literally exploded at his friend's, his friend put his clothes in the wash while he showered and sorted himself out, and lent him some bits while his clothes were washed and dried.

His friend is male. I suppose he was mothering him as well 🙄

Wow. You should maybe take your advice and have empathy for others instead of insulting them.

I didn't say anything unempathetic. I just said PP may be projecting.

If this is the first time this has happened and you say he was not drunk then I think both you and he should be more worried about any underlying medical issue that could have caused him to wet the bed when this has never happened before, rather than brooding over the fact you had to put a couple of extra washes on. Presumably one of you washes your bedding pretty frequently anyway, so maybe consider skipping the next wash if it was only a day or two away. Or do you think this was deliberate to get out of his turn to do the laundry?

In short, I don't think who washed the sheets this time is the biggest issue here, but if it happens frequently in future or skipping chores is part of a trend then have that conversation. In the meantime, he may have other symptoms that he hasn't mentioned to you that he is worrying about, so I would suggest you focus on the big (potential) picture.

Well you said maybe no one cares enough about her to help her…

They were both concerned, discussed ithe issue and decided on a GP visit.
What's your point?

Brooding? Haven't seen OP brooding, just asking opinions about her partner going out without checking if she was ok to clear up his wee.

Just a couple of extra washes? Why didn't he do them then?

If you discuss it face to face with the doctor you can give more detail, there maybe things he’s been a bit concerned about. Better than just ringing your issue in.

I wouldn’t be pissed off no, I would have offered to do it anyway to save any more embarrassment, he must be worried too, I would be.

not sure if anyone else has answered this but it was a different situation with a new partner and turned out was to do with drink I’m sure. He bought her a new mattress.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5315819-new-partner-wet-the-bed

Maybe he will be very thankful and grateful when he returns.

*just to add unless there was another thread but seems unlikely!

You should have it left it for him to do rather than doing it yourself.

I was on a similar thread the teacher wanted to bend her over the table and her second thread was the woman next door is cheating on her husband. I wonder if it's the same op?

I think posting 56 comments since lunchtime could by some be considered brooding, but you're probably right.

I am not justifying why he didn't do the extra washes, just suggesting that they should not be the main focus of anyone in this situation unless it is part of a bigger trend of chore shirking.

Is this Pile on the OP day? It is very depressing to see so many posters behaving like sheep and just deciding that OP is wrong, just because someone said so.

There's quite a major difference between dealing with one load of washing and dealing with several when it's quite important that at least some of it is dry by the evening. I can put in a load of washing first thing in the morning and forget about it till I have something like a coffee break and that will all work out quite well, But if I've got to deal with four loads, that means I can't forget about any of it - I'll need to listen out for each load to finish, juggle line drying or tumbler space, etc etc. To say nothing of the fact that having to shove a urine soaked duvet into the washer is definitely a nastier experience than putting a few shirts in there.

Wishing you a good night’s sleep OP.

The least you deserve in the morning is breakfast in bed.