Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

And who are you to sneer at and be so combative to someone because you disagree with them? I think now knowing she's a widow and saying she was a doormat in her relationship is worse than anything she's said.

Not the pint of the thread but you can absolutely use a waterproof mattress protector without a topper. You can get crinkly ones so it’s worth buying in person if you can but I can’t feel or hear ours and it has saved the mattress from children who climb into bed and subsequently wee or get sick. They have them on their mattresses as well.

Now your eyes are wide open, it’s okay to update expectations. We all fall into household roles, and it’s okay to update them. My dh and I have adapted multiple times, it’s a sign of a good marriage not to get entrenched in out of date ideas/expectations.

It’s also the case that trends change, and sometimes you grow out of what is comfortable.

Has he said anything since he got home?

What would you have wanted him to do if you’d wet the bed op?

He’s not back yet, they decided to stay out for dinner so will be home shortly

Have you left the clean bedding ready for him to make the bed?

it's putting some bedding into a machine, it's hardly strenuous.
OP clearly just doesn't like her husband very much.

If it's so easy why didn't HE put the bedding into the machine before he went out?
Does this mean he clearly just doesn't like OP very much?

No, because I’m feeling pretty drained and would quite like to get in bed and relax so that’s not really an option

Just to not have to put the linen on the bed, making sure it's all dealt with 🙄. I hope you get a dry sleep-in tomorrow OP!

Keep stoking that fire….

Dunelm do a fab but sadly quite pricey water and stain resistant duvet protector. It’s an absolute game changer because now I don’t have to try and stuff my duvet into my washing machine. It’s got a zip on the bottom instead of fiddly buttons and it’s made out of a lovely soft material so it doesn’t crinkle at night when you sleep. I also bought a spare so I always have one handy when changing my bedsheets. It’s well worth it for all manner of spills and stains imo.

Me too. It's so funny but typically mumsnet.....

It's only half past 8, he would have plenty of time to put it on when he gets home

It would also have been the perfect opportunity for the OP to drop the martyrdom and cease the resentment.

Hope you do as you normally do OP and take him up on his shoddy behavior. I mean he usually pulls his weight.

WFHbore2023 · 30/01/2023 16:13

My partner pulls his weight. If I feel like he's taking the piss, or me for granted, and pull him up on it he'll sometimes say that he 'does more than most' of his friends.

🤣 are you bored?

I haven’t said that he doesn’t pull his weight - I’ve said that his version of looking after the kids is looking after the kids, and nothing else.

and yeah, I’ll pull him up on it. Thanks.

He thinks you're a mother figure and he's "helping".

Time to sit him down and have a chat.
Two adults = two people equally taking responsibility for all the stuff that has to be done.

Sounds like he is married to his mother and you’re raising and disciplining another child.
Sorry you have it so tough OP. I’d also be resentful to not have a partner in the true sense of the word ‘partnership’. I hope things get better for you. Must be awful to be treated so bad.

You'd be happy to help.

OP did more than "help"
She did the whole lot!!

Or husbands don’t respect their wives and expect them to be doormats?

There are a lot of women on MN married to lazy horrible men. There are also a lot of husbands who are married to petty venomous women.
And generally they are married to each other 😂

I would just refuse.
Op you can just say no, not a chance.

But what’s being a widow got to do with anything? She made nasty comments about op before she said she was a widow. Does being a window exempt you from making such comments?

sounds like he’s completely avoiding the whole issue.
Id tell him that he has completely taken the piss, (sic) no responsibility for cleaning up, including making the bed. Just waltzed off leaving you the fallout.
Not acceptable