Page 17 | Partner has wet the bed…

WFHbore2023 · 2025-05-30T13:31:47+00:00

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor. woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower. I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding. AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:12

Blueberry911 · 30/05/2025 20:10

This. I don't know why OP needs her husband to humiliate himself by asking nicely please please could you do the washing whilst I take the kids out? 🙄 It's putting some bedding into a machine, it's hardly strenuous.

OP clearly just doesn't like her husband very much.

I'd wash my husband's bedding if he was taking the kids out and I was due to stay home. He'd do the same for me. No having to ask nicely, that's an actual partnership but hey, you do you.

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OP doesn’t have a husband.

OP posts:

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:13

It’s clear from the language on here that there are many women who clearly hate their husbands.

OP is this the first thing that your husband has done that has enraged you so violently?

nomas · 30/05/2025 20:13

Blueberry911 · 30/05/2025 20:10

This. I don't know why OP needs her husband to humiliate himself by asking nicely please please could you do the washing whilst I take the kids out? 🙄 It's putting some bedding into a machine, it's hardly strenuous.

OP clearly just doesn't like her husband very much.

I'd wash my husband's bedding if he was taking the kids out and I was due to stay home. He'd do the same for me. No having to ask nicely, that's an actual partnership but hey, you do you.

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You tell the kids to wait and you put a wash on.

It’s not rocket science.

For some reason according to you and others, it’s easy when OP does it but impossible when the DH has to do it.

BunnyLake · 30/05/2025 20:13

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:09

No response because it’s pretty insulting to insinuate that because I’d like to be asked if it’s ok if something is left to me that I must be in an unhappy relationship.

there has been no negative response towards my partner over this - he woke me up, told me we needed to change the bed because of what had happened and I instantly got up and helped to strip it, whilst asking if he’s ok etc.

if I’m leaving him with something - whether that’s something around the house or childcare whilst I’m out - I ask him if that’s ok. It’s respectful. It’s a bit of a slap in the face not to receive the same back.

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Then he should have done the washing and you took the kids out.

Blueberry911 · 30/05/2025 20:14

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:12

OP doesn’t have a husband.

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Sorry, your boyfriend who it's very important should ask nicely should he ever need anything. I couldn't be in a relationship like that, when things just need getting done in a day. You do you lovely.

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:14

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:13

It’s clear from the language on here that there are many women who clearly hate their husbands.

OP is this the first thing that your husband has done that has enraged you so violently?

Oh Jesus 🤣🤣🤣

thank you, that’s really cheered me up.

OP posts:

TY78910 · 30/05/2025 20:14

I only read up until a point as there are almost 400 replies but why didn’t this scenario happen:

DH ‘we need to change the bed’
OP ‘ok I’ll help you strip the bedding, you know where the detergent is, throw it on the duvet setting
DH and OP both take the covers off
DH puts wash on and takes the kids for the day
OP throws them in the dryer while he’s out
DH puts them back on before bed

It looks like you had assumed it was your job and went to do it, and it was convenient for him to stay silent. Kinda your own doing

nomas · 30/05/2025 20:14

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:13

It’s clear from the language on here that there are many women who clearly hate their husbands.

OP is this the first thing that your husband has done that has enraged you so violently?

Actually, this thread is making me love my DH even more for being a capable adult who doesn’t need me to mother him.

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:15

BunnyLake · 30/05/2025 20:13

Then he should have done the washing and you took the kids out.

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I do wish people would read the thread properly.

I. was. working.

couldn't take the kids out myself.

OP posts:

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:15

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:14

Oh Jesus 🤣🤣🤣

thank you, that’s really cheered me up.

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Well is it the first time he has been so disrespectful?

justasking111 · 30/05/2025 20:15

Well I wouldn't have let my DP out of the house without calling the GP. He'd not be sleeping on my lovely clean sheets tonight either in case of a repeat of this morning. There's no GP now till Monday.

Petitchat · 30/05/2025 20:16

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:08

Because that’s what people in loving relationships do. They help each other out. Your language reeks of resentment and anger and so you too would be angry at your DH. My DH is a lovely kind man and would do the same for me if I happened to wet the bed. That’s what love is!

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I think love is not leaving your partner to clean up your wee, without first checking she's ok with that....

notatinydancer · 30/05/2025 20:17

Shellianotwheels · 30/05/2025 14:47

Why couldn’t he sort out the wet bed himself and you take the kids out?

She was working

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 20:17

mathanxiety · 30/05/2025 20:10

Nah - grownups see to their own messes. The only exception would be if waters broke in bed or if someone was too sick to see to soiled bedding themselves.

That wouldn't apply to hangovers.

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Are you implying the DH was drunk?

TheBossOfMe · 30/05/2025 20:17

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:15

I do wish people would read the thread properly.

I. was. working.

couldn't take the kids out myself.

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Some people are just hard of reading, @WFHbore2023 He left you with a huge job to do whilst you were working without even offering to do it himself, or asking if it was OK for you to do whilst he took the kids out. That's hugely disrespectful and treating OP like the hired help. So rude.

BunnyLake · 30/05/2025 20:18

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:15

I do wish people would read the thread properly.

I. was. working.

couldn't take the kids out myself.

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Best to make it clear to him that was the first and last time, but he really should go and see the GP.

Hopefully he will at least show appreciation for nice clean bedding tonight, but he’s doing the laundry if it happens again.

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:18

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:15

Well is it the first time he has been so disrespectful?

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It’s probably the first time I’d stopped and thought to myself ‘hang on, why has it just been assumed that I’ll take care of this?’

but not the first time that I’ve realised that his version of taking annual leave to look after the kids is spent doing just that - looking after the kids, and not any of the other things that I need to squeeze in to a day whilst also looking after them.

OP posts:

Dramatic · 30/05/2025 20:20

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:12

OP doesn’t have a husband.

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Has he said anything since he got home?

Petitchat · 30/05/2025 20:20

Dramatic · 30/05/2025 20:10

It wasn't "without a word" as the op has already explained. But I'd just get on and do it or I'd say "don't worry I'll sort the washing" or something like that.

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You seem to be well trained @Dramatic

AnotherName2025 · 30/05/2025 20:20

latetothefisting · 30/05/2025 19:29

how is putting at least the first wash on or at the absolute bare minimum having the courtesy to just ask OP if she can do the washing incompatible with having a day out with the kids at the beach?

If actually doing multiple loads of laundry, putting it out to dry, bringing it back in again and making the bed while working full time is a complete non-issue then by the same rationale just putting one lot in before you go out and asking your DW if they mind doing the rest is even less of an issue, and therefore no reason why the DH couldn't do it?

I don't see how being so impressed that a MAN is taking care of his OWN CHILDREN that this means he is free from any obligation towards any other household tasks for the rest of the day, let alone cleaning up his own mess, anything other than handmaideny.

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She chose to put the first load on while he was in the shower, so hardly his fault he couldn't put the first load on!

I never said asking her to do the washing stopped him taking the kids out?!?!

the only mention of making the bed was when
i daud they could do it together this evening! Definitely wouldn't expect her to do it solo.

She was working, but only
passively listening to a teams meeting she wasn't actively able to participate in, so no great hardship to also hang out washing or MN.

Where have I said or shown that I'm imptessed a man is taking care if his children? NOWHERE, that's where!

Lukewuse NOWHERE have I said it exempts him from any other household chutes for the entire day! But clearly if he's not at home during the middle of the day, he's not there to hang washing out!

STOP making crap up to justify a stupid comment.

doing a bit of laundry while stuck at home working anyway l, so he & the kids can have a nice day out is NOT. Being a handmaiden🙄🙄🙄

yes if she'd been free to go the beach with them or instead of DH & chosen to stay home to do the laundry instead of DH, yes. but that wasn't the situation.

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:21

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:18

It’s probably the first time I’d stopped and thought to myself ‘hang on, why has it just been assumed that I’ll take care of this?’

but not the first time that I’ve realised that his version of taking annual leave to look after the kids is spent doing just that - looking after the kids, and not any of the other things that I need to squeeze in to a day whilst also looking after them.

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So it’s not really about helping him out with dirty linen… it’s about a whole lot of other things which make your relationship feel unequal.

There is most times a lot more to our ‘hurt’ than just one incident. If you were in a healthy happy relationship and this happened as a once off. You’d be happy to help.

Sorry OP.

Slatterndisgrace · 30/05/2025 20:21

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:18

It’s probably the first time I’d stopped and thought to myself ‘hang on, why has it just been assumed that I’ll take care of this?’

but not the first time that I’ve realised that his version of taking annual leave to look after the kids is spent doing just that - looking after the kids, and not any of the other things that I need to squeeze in to a day whilst also looking after them.

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There you go OP, resentment will do that to you. Like a slow filling boil.

Dramatic · 30/05/2025 20:22

Petitchat · 30/05/2025 20:20

You seem to be well trained @Dramatic

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I think my husband would very much disagree with that statement 😂 he is much better at housework and cooking than I am.

BunnyLake · 30/05/2025 20:23

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:18

It’s probably the first time I’d stopped and thought to myself ‘hang on, why has it just been assumed that I’ll take care of this?’

but not the first time that I’ve realised that his version of taking annual leave to look after the kids is spent doing just that - looking after the kids, and not any of the other things that I need to squeeze in to a day whilst also looking after them.

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So there is historical resentment, even if subconscious. There always is when you dig a bit deeper. Put your foot down tonight so at least you both know what happens if there’s a next time (which there might be if there’s an underlying health issue).

Original poster

WFHbore2023 · 30/05/2025 20:23

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 30/05/2025 20:21

So it’s not really about helping him out with dirty linen… it’s about a whole lot of other things which make your relationship feel unequal.

There is most times a lot more to our ‘hurt’ than just one incident. If you were in a healthy happy relationship and this happened as a once off. You’d be happy to help.

Sorry OP.

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Do you mind sharing where you earned your qualifications?

OP posts: