Partner has wet the bed…

[WFHbore2023]

41 year old healthy man, never happened before, completely sober. Obviously this is concerning (and my main concern) and he will contact his doctor.

woke me up this morning saying that we need to get up and change the bed, obviously not ideal but he’s embarrassed so I just crack on. He helps me strip the bed and then goes off to shower.

I’m working today, he’s taken the children out for the day, and so I have been left with a superking duvet to wash and dry, along with mattress topper, protector, sheets and any other bedding.

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that he’s just cracked on with his day without so much as a conversation over whether or not I was ok to sort everything out this end?

But wouldn't your DH be even more embarrassed to leave his wife to clean up his wee?

I think probably dunelm.
I’d think it needs a topper on it too, not sure if it would make a noise if just a sheet was put on it

I concur. Lots of simmering resentment here.

@WFHbore2023 Totally agree with you that he should have cleaned up his own mess, or at the very least asked and been grateful that you'd do it for him. I can't imagine someone being quite so thoughtless.

Slightly off point, but I had a bed company as a client for a while, and they said that the mattress protector should go on top of the mattress topper. Since yours is waterproof, that would have made one less thing to wash. Just saying in case helpful if this is an ongoing problem.

I would have offered before he needed to say anything. People deal with embarrassment in different ways and I can imagine this must be up there as one of the most embarrassing things to happen when you're a grown adult.

She said ease his embarrassment which would acknowledge that he would already be embarrassed and she would be trying to ease it for him by helping the guy out.

Yeah, I wonder why so many posters are finding this so difficult to understand?

It's simple....

I don't understand why you set about washing it. It could all have been left in laundry baskets and he should have been able to see to it when he got back.

I agree, which is why I asked OP if they were happy together or just tolerated each other (no response though). If it was my ex I’d be furious because I don’t like him, but if it were someone I truly loved then I would do the same as you. My reactions and dealing with things are very different depending on how I feel about the person, even if the situation is the same.

But why would you need help washing the sheets after you’ve pissed yourself if you’re healthy and not at work?

Surely it’s more embarrassing having someone else clean your piss drenched sheets when you’re perfectly capable of doing it yourself?

I feel sorry for your husband op i really do.
The embarrassment is awful.

Because to me he wouldn't have needed to say anything. People are different but in my marriage I wouldn't have needed him to ask or say anything about it.

Yeo embarrassing that he doesn’t have the nous to clean some sheets.

So your healthy husband just leaves you piss drenched sheets and you know to clean them without a word?

This happened to my DH a couple of times and it was bladder cancer. He was 45 which is very young especially as it was aggressive. Washing (and there’s been a lot of it over the last 9 years!) was something I could actually do to help but he’s always checked and always been grateful. As well as it being embarrassing for him. It’s not been an easy thing to navigate but communication is really important. I hope your DH is ok, OP.

This would be my thought too.

I'd say he clearly wasn't embarrassed enough, or he thinks women have some sort of magic touch when it comes to laundry of pee soaked bedding / are their mothers.

Because that’s what people in loving relationships do. They help each other out. Your language reeks of resentment and anger and so you too would be angry at your DH. My DH is a lovely kind man and would do the same for me if I happened to wet the bed. That’s what love is!

No response because it’s pretty insulting to insinuate that because I’d like to be asked if it’s ok if something is left to me that I must be in an unhappy relationship.

there has been no negative response towards my partner over this - he woke me up, told me we needed to change the bed because of what had happened and I instantly got up and helped to strip it, whilst asking if he’s ok etc.

if I’m leaving him with something - whether that’s something around the house or childcare whilst I’m out - I ask him if that’s ok. It’s respectful. It’s a bit of a slap in the face not to receive the same back.

So the mattress topper isn't waterproof I still need to buy a waterproof cover to put under the mattress topper. Sheesh I was hoping to avoid another job 🙈

Nah - grownups see to their own messes. The only exception would be if waters broke in bed or if someone was too sick to see to soiled bedding themselves.

That wouldn't apply to hangovers.

It wasn't "without a word" as the op has already explained. But I'd just get on and do it or I'd say "don't worry I'll sort the washing" or something like that.

This. I don't know why OP needs her husband to humiliate himself by asking nicely please please could you do the washing whilst I take the kids out? 🙄 It's putting some bedding into a machine, it's hardly strenuous.

OP clearly just doesn't like her husband very much.

I'd wash my husband's bedding if he was taking the kids out and I was due to stay home. He'd do the same for me. No having to ask nicely, that's an actual partnership but hey, you do you.

But that doesn’t explain why he was incapable of it?

DH and I love each other to bits and he would do a lot for me, but I wouldn’t ask him to wash my piss drenched sheets when I’m there and could just it myself.

And he wouldn’t ask me either.

Your language reeks of domestic servitude.

The OP said he hadn't been drinking.

Therefore handmaideny (in my opinion).....